With Santos not being abused by closing (3+ consecutive Games, or 4 out of 5 / 5 out of 6 / 6 out of 7 Games), the #1 choice as back-up Closer will be the only Bona Fide Closer on the team, Francisco Cordero.   He'd better be Dominant and Wily for this team to do well.

I voted Wily, because he has lost some pepper lately, and he's bringing back his curveball. He had better be dominant, tho, because Casey Janssen put up better numbers than he did last year.

I voted Snakebit.  A judge in an unnamed Latin American country will order his arrest for war crimes committed in the 1980s, in a bizarre case of mistaken identity.  Unfortunately, at the same time, Cordero will be in a plane forced to land in that same country due to inclement weather.  His arrest will unavoidably follow, and though he was only 3 and 1/2 years old at the time of the war crimes,  it will take all of the 2012 baseball season for him to be released. 

Wait, there's no Snakebit option.  Reductionism is no fun at all.

And Saturday Night Live will bring back Chevy Chase to report it, "Francisco Cordero is STILL snakebit."