Any time you think you have the game conquered, the game will turn around and punch you right in the nose.
-- Mike Schmidt

Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.
-- Whitey Herzog

Have you ever thrown a ball 100 miles an hour? Everything hurts. Even your ass hurts.
-- Bob Gibson

Show me a guy who can't pitch inside and I'll show you a loser.
-- Sandy Koufax

I'm a little bit weird when it comes to baseball. If you'll recall:

• I dyed my hair royal blue for opening day 2003
• I panicked last year and almost burned a vintage 1985 baseball cap that I found in a closet, convinced that it was bad luck
• I abused my work resources to make, among other things, a gigantic Hammer of Thor for Chris Gomez

My new project requires the participation of as many of you as I can round up.

As usual, here's my monthly report card for the Blue Jays. Players are graded from a high of A+ (MVP calibre) to F (get thee gone, and never darken our door again).

For those of you who don't know, Jays closer Miguel Batista has been writing a column this year for ESPN's Spanish-language website, ESPN Deportes.

I ain't what I used to be, but who the hell is?
-- Dizzy Dean

You gotta be careful with your body. Your body is like a bar of soap. The more you use it, the more it wears down.
-- Dick Allen

In other words, don't expect to see Gregg Zaun catching tonight...

It's unbelievable how much you don't know about the game you've been playing all your life.
-- Mickey Mantle

24. Marianne Moore loved Christy Mathewson. No woman of quality has ever preferred football to baseball.
-- Thomas Boswell, "99 Reasons Why Baseball is So Much Better Than Football"

As a pitcher, I like to be — I don't want to say perfect, but I want to know what the ball is going to do.
- Mariano Rivera

I had many years that I was not so successful as a ballplayer, as it is a game of skill. And then I was no doubt discharged by baseball in which I had to go back to the minor leagues as a manager, and after being in the minor leagues as a manager, I became a major league manager in several cities and was discharged, we call it "discharged," because there is no question I had to leave.
- Casey Stengel, testifying before the U.S. Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly Subcommittee Hearing

Give me a White Sox fan any day... Do you hear them whining endlessly about how God wants them to suffer?
- Luke Appling

Throw strikes. Home plate don't move.
- Satchel Paige