That must have been painful to watch.

We've rounded the three-quarter turn, and we can see the finish line up ahead. Still a fair bit of ground to cover, and still some obstacles along the way. Let's see what they are.

What, you think I want to rehash last night's game? Bush was bad, League was worse. There ya go.

No game report today, but Blue Jay fans are feeling good with their team having won 7 of their last 9 contests, including 2 of 3 in their latest series with the American League West front-running Angels of Anaheim in Los Angeles, South of San Francisco, California, United States of America. The Angels were glad to see the Jays leave town after getting an up-close look at the Fighting Jay spirit, and celebrated by stomping the Boston Red Sox 13 - 4 last night. That left the Jays 6-1/2 back of the first place Sox in the American League East. The New York Yankees occupy second, 2-1/2 games up on the Jays. Toronto is only 4 back of Oakland in the American League Wild Card standings, but have 3 additional teams they must trample in their quest to wrest that Card from the A’s – Minnesota, Cleveland, and those vile Yankees.

Frantic, Alice searched her pockets. 'It must be in here somewhere,' she thought to herself. 'I placed it here not half an hour ago.' Her kitten Dinah nuzzled her ankle, but Alice kicked her away in a fit of frustration. Startled, Dinah darted under a bush, the leaves rustling after the feline in a most familiar way.

Her pocket-bound quarry forgotten, Alice called after the truant feline. 'O! I'm sorry, kitten! Please, come back! I'll put out a saucer of milk for you, and then we'll have tea, and when you grow up, you can have crumpets with me!' (Alice believed that kittens grew up to eat all manner of pastries, as she had once mis-heard her father saying 'Let cats eat cake.') 'Please, do return, Dinah!'

Another Pinch-Hit Game Report from Elijah, our Angelino Bauxite who had the added advantage of attending in person last night's ballgame in Anaheim. From Francisco Rodriguez's wildness to Chavez Ravine beach ball mythology, here's today's Batter's Box Game Report.

Very little pre-amble here. It's 2:31 am and I'm tired. So, let's get right to it.

I decided to research the performances of the American League closers, after some debate on the weekend when Miguel Batista nearly blew a save. Bauxites had varying opinions on his performance; this shall attempt to answer the questions. Enjoy!

Fresh off his recent Jamie Campbell-approved Trading Deadline Roundtable...once again, here's everyone's favourite Sicilian Cheer Clubber, Jobu.

Unless you're a Jays fan, of course. Then you might want to forget him.

Orioles 1, Jays 0

The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three run homers.
-- Earl Weaver

Josh Towers provided the pitching, throwing his first shutout as a Blue Jay and the second of his career. Alex Rios and Gregg Zaun hit the three-run homers. Zaun drove in five runs, Koskie and Hillenbrand also went deep... oh, it was brutal. And deeply, fundamentally satisfying.

I have a confession to make: I slept through most of this game. Thanks to the miracle of technology I am watching it right now, but let me relate to you my chronology:

We have the Detroit manager's thoughts on the 4-3 win by the Blue Jays, but standing in for Alan Trammell today is a very special guest. Trammell's middle name is Stuart; this guy's middle name is (was) Stockton. That's all you need to know.

Today, we move from Edgar Allen Poe to some sportswriters of T.O. That's right, only yours truly has access to the Double Secret Probation Edition of last night's game summaries from Globe and Mail writers Larry Millson and Jeff Blair.

It's not important how I obtained them. What we need right now is a stupid, futile Game Report! And if you don't like this, my advice to you...is to start drinking heavily. Take it away, Globe boys! Up first, Larry Millson:

Faced with the surprising and monumental task of writing three Game Reports in a row this week, I did what anyone would do for the first game -- resort to ripping off one of the greatest poets ever. Because anything that distances myself from yesterday's game is a Good Thing.

Oh, sure. I could study the effects of choking over and over again with the bases loaded, but that's not very much fun after a loss like that. Bah. Granted, trying to find a bunch of rhymes for "table" isn't much better, but it will have to do.

When the opposing outfielder forgets the count, hangs onto the ball in blissful ignorance for five seconds while his teammates scream at him and still ends up with a double play, you kinda get the feeling it just wasn't meant to be your day.

Today's sermon: These memes need to die.