5 wins, 1 loss. Chad Mottola, Ryan Roberts, Adam Lind, Eugenio Velez, Nick Thomas, Leance Soto and Paul Franko all homered.

Today, we move from Edgar Allen Poe to some sportswriters of T.O. That's right, only yours truly has access to the Double Secret Probation Edition of last night's game summaries from Globe and Mail writers Larry Millson and Jeff Blair.

It's not important how I obtained them. What we need right now is a stupid, futile Game Report! And if you don't like this, my advice to you...is to start drinking heavily. Take it away, Globe boys! Up first, Larry Millson:

Dustin "The Wind" McGowan picked up his first major league victory (and pitched much better than his line indicates, but Pete Walker let both his inherited baserunners score.) Aaron Hill hit a big two-run homer to put the Jays ahead, and Alex Rios hit an enormous three run homer to give them enough to stay there.

The Rookie level Pulaski Blue Jays kicked off their 2005 campaign with a loss to the Danville Braves on June 20. It’s been a tough season for a club that is accustomed to finding itself at or near the top of the standings. An 18-21 record through July 31 had Pulaski sitting in 3rd place, with the Princeton Devil Rays between themselves and the division leading Braves.

What happens when you're so red-hot that you go five for five with a home run and an intentional walk?

You're rewarded with the next Photo of the Day, that's what:

My friend the manager told me that he felt terrible about Gene Mauch. "He's been in this place for so long, and he won't give in to it and he won't walk away from it. This one's going to be very tough for him. He gets within one pitch and one run of the Series, but those 'ones are still there for him. I know Gene, and I know all the cigarettes that have been smoked and the drinks that have been drunk and the miles that have been paced over this kind of thing, down the years. He'll pay that price to get there, but now I don't know if it will ever happen for him. How do you go on?"
-- Roger Angell, writing about the 1986 ALCS. I'm pretty sure he's quoting Bill Rigney.

The town of Barfield has a new Sheriff, and his name is Mighty Midget.

The Blue Jay farm takes 3 and drops 3, with more pitching than hitting.

Faced with the surprising and monumental task of writing three Game Reports in a row this week, I did what anyone would do for the first game -- resort to ripping off one of the greatest poets ever. Because anything that distances myself from yesterday's game is a Good Thing.

Oh, sure. I could study the effects of choking over and over again with the bases loaded, but that's not very much fun after a loss like that. Bah. Granted, trying to find a bunch of rhymes for "table" isn't much better, but it will have to do.

F@&@&%$ Hinske!

Okay, let's get the team name out of the way right now. Do we dub these guys, a roster full of major leaguers whose last or family name starts with the letter "F," in honour of a passable mid-1960s comedy western starring Ken Berry and Forrest Tucker, the "F Troop"? Should we be worried about the inevitable F-U matchup? Well, probably, as we'll just give in and name these guys, inevitably, "The F-Bombs."

It's a surprisingly strong team, with a starting rotation entirely made up of Hall of Famers and a bullpen that any of the other 24 all-letter teams will have a hard time matching; a very Fox(x)y infield -- abetted by a shortstop Canadian baseball fans know well -- and no less than three 50-homer guys in the starting lineup.

It will be hard to F this one up, kids ...

The Jays try to rebound against the visiting Motor City Kitties, who are just 2-8 in their last ten outings. The Jays' depleted rotation caught -- no pun intended -- a major break, though, when Ivan Rodriguez announced that he would drop his appeal and serve his four-game suspension over the entirety of the series at the Rogers Centre.

Detroit is in the middle of the pack in most team categories, and Toronto needs to show an ability to take care of business against a struggling squad at home. The toughest matchup for the home team will be on Thursday afternoon, which looks like the Downs-Walker Connection against the talented (and still only 22) Jeremy Bonderman.

This week's Scout features a struggling lefty, a surprising old friend and a huge collective sigh of relief over the status of a top prospect. And by the way, big thanks to Lucas, Rob and Pepper for filling in while I was on vacation!

On to the Advance Scout!

Batter's Box Tabs Guerrero, P. Martinez as
Greatest Montreal Player, Pitcher

In recent polling, the readers of Batter's Box Interactive Magazine displayed a preference for active players over the historical legends who wore the tri-coloured "M" of Les Expos before their recent move to Washington, D.C. to become the Nationals.

Vladimir Guerrero rocked past Tim Raines to nab "greatest player" while Pedro brushed back Dennis in a battle of Martinezes for the honour of "greatest pitcher."

I can't imagine a world where a baseball player could steal home (off of Randy Johnson!) and not be immediately rewarded with the next photo of the day. So, in honor of Shea Hillenbrand's kick-ass performance on Saturday, here's the man himself:

Once in a while, you get a miracle.
-- Tony LaRussa