It would be glib to suggest that all Mariner fans have to look forward to in 2006 is Felix Hernandez. So consider me glib, because, while Ichiro Suzuki will do his thing and Kenji Johjima may add more Japanese flair, the Mariners look like one of the dullest teams in baseball.

(Yep, Even Judas)

In a nod to the current Lenten season, we're about to get all apostolic here on Da Box. But does that mean we're looking at Matthews, Markle, Luke and John ... or at Matthew, Mark, Luke and John?

Let's find out.

Are you surprised to see a new Photo of the Week? Well, I am too. We're all sick here at the NFH homestead, and that means while Mrs. Hank and Baby Theo sleep it off, I can drag myself over to the computer and get some Batter's Box work done.

So, without further ado, here is the MLB player with the most fantastic biographical tidbit ever in his media guide bio:

Is this the year? The Braves have won fourteen straight division titles and they are about to start chasing number fifteen. They have survived the loss of Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Javy Lopez, Gary Sheffield and now Rafael Furcal is gone. But this off-season has brought a new concern, the loss of Leo Mazzone. Could his departure be the tipping point that ends the Braves run? The Braves players and management are confident about their prospects for 2006 but this could finally be the year when the streak ends.

In last year's The Hunt For a Reds October '05, the following brash prediction highlighted the wildly optimistic conclusion: "[T]he 94-68 Reds will snag the NL Wild Card and ride an October wave into the World Series."

Yeah, that didn't happen.

Now, what about 2006? Well, it's simple. The Reds are going to ...

The Padres had a moderately busy offseason, as they made one good trade, one bad trade and a couple of inconsequential trades. There were some other moves, with minor-league signings forming the bulk of these. However, for better or for worse, the Padres are primarily the same team that won the 2005 NL West. The question is whether or not this is enough to stand up to the improved L.A. Dodgers and a Giants team with a possibly-healthy Barry Bonds.

We've written nothing - buggerall - not a sausage - about the Blue Jays lately.

Are any of you wondering why?

The pendulum swings
Back and forth for Marlins fans:
Titles, then fire sales

With no construction in sight for a new ballpark, Larry Beinfest nevertheless put on his hard hat -- to apply the wrecking ball, yet again. It's time to preview the club that perhaps most needs to be previewed in all of baseball -- the Florida Marlins, who jettisoned seven of their eight position players, two starting pitchers and virtually their entire bullpen. So who are these guys?

As always, additional senryus from Box readers are most welcome in the "Comments" field. A "senryu" is, of course, short poems in haiku meter that do not refer to nature. And there ain't much natural about how this ballclub came about.

Colorado may not be the worst team in the National League, but they may be the dullest. Florida’s incendiary brand of roster management at least has a macabre entertainment value. In contrast, the Rockies lethargically trudge toward utter pointlessness.

This team is bad. So, instead of prattling on about whether Cory Sullivan can “take it to the next level,” I’d like to discuss what Colorado can do, if anything, to win in the future. If that doesn’t entice you to click the “[More]” link below, I also have a picture of two adorable cats.

The Los Angeles Film Festival

*Warning: the following preview was conceived of while the author was watching the Oscars on Sunday. This is most dangerous, as he has an unhealthy obsession with metaphor and often takes it much, much too far.

I get my thing in action (Verb!)
To be, to see, to feel, to live (Verb!)
That's what's happenin'
I put my heart in action (Verb!)
To run, to go, to get, to give (Verb!) You're what's happenin'
That's where I find satisfaction, yeah! (Yeah!)
— Verb: That's What's Happening
From "Schoolhouse Rock/Grammar Rock"

Now that we've worked our way through the 25 most common North American surnames, it's time to return to the "Themes" concept for Hall of Names inspiration ... and this theme is definitely action (word) packed!

Here on Batter's Box, our roster of contributors is filled with names that are also other parts of speech; Price and Furlong are nouns, Green and Burley are adjectives (the latter misspelled, alas), while Drew and Till are, respectively, past-tense and present-tense verbs.

It is the latter category that interests the Hall of Names induction committee right about now. That's right, we'll be constructing a Hall of Names team made up entirely of players whose last/family/surnames double as verbs ... and as always, there are a few rules ...

Sports Illustrated is running an excerpt from a new book that details Barry Bonds' steroid use. This is, in many ways, an old story. Bonds' role in the BALCO saga has been discussed on several occasions over the last two years in the media and in Batter's Box. At least two books about steroids were authored last year by Will Carroll and Howard Bryant. But because Bonds is a star the story never ends. If you want to wade into the debate one more time please do so in this thread.

Canada versus Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids. Feel free to follow along here!

Here's your condensed Royals preview.

The longer version follows.

Kirby Puckett passed away today after suffering a stroke yesterday. We remember Kirby the ballplayer with affection, emerging from nowhere to be a leader of the World Series champion Twin clubs of 1987 and 1991, and always with a smile on his face. Teammmates would rub his head for luck.