Now quick, though, consider that MLB of more recent vintage has featured 20 players with the given first or middle name "Kyle" and another 16 named "Lance" and that's decently even odds, so make your guess ... sure, we can't fill out a full 25-man roster for either, but which name, Lance or Kyle, will fill out a lineup card better?
Let's find out ...
First, a few of the usual caveats; for instance, no last/family names are considered here, so among Kyles, sorry, 1912 Cincinnati CF Andy Kyle; and it's no go for the misspelled and more recent 133-game winning NL RHSP Darryl Kile.
Over in Lance-land, bid farewell to 1977 Kansas City RHRP Gary Lance and to three-time 1982-90 cuppajoe 1B/OF Rick Lancelloti, who did at least blast 276 career home runs in the minor leagues. But none of these guys are eligible for these teams. Drabek will be eligible for one someday soon, and Broadway already is after recent brief stops with the White Sox and Mets.
Speaking of misspellings and the like, on the Lance side, there are a few other difficult eliminations. Yank Terry's full name was Lancelot Yank Terry, so he's right out. You might have heard of Lance Rautzhan, briefly a LHRP with the Dodgers and Brewers in the late 1970's, but his given name was Clarence George Rautzhan, so he's out, too. Laynce Nix might wonder "why" he's not eligible, but the answer to his "why?" is "the 'y' in his name."
Now let's toss a coin to see ... okay, we'll start in reverse alphabetical order and meet the unfortunately-named squad called ...
THEY LIKE BEING LANCE -- A LOT!
** Hall of Famer (none)
* All-Star
LINEUP
C Lance Parrish* (.252, 324 HR, three GG; seven teams, 1977-95)
1B Lance Niekro (2003-07 SFG; .246/17/79 in 535 AB)
2B Lance Zawadski (hitting around .205 in 2010 SDP debut so far)
SS Lance Blankenship (.222, 1988-93 OAK; mostly 2B/OF, played two games at SS)
3B Patrick Lance Borders (.253, nine teams, 1988-2005; mostly C, five games at 3B)
LF Lance Berkman* (.298, 319 HR with HOU since 1999)
CF Lance Johnson* (.291, 327 SB, 1987-2000, five teams)
RF Lance Richbourg (.308, four teams, 1922, '24-31)
DH VACANT
PITCHING
LHSP Lance Davis (8-4, 2001 CIN)
RHRP Lance Carter* (26 saves for 2003 TBD; three teams, 1999-2006)
LHRP Lance Painter (23-18, five teams, 1993-2003)
RHRP Lance McCullers (28-31, 39 saves, four teams, 1985-92)
Other not-so-notables: LHRP Lance Clemons, RHRP Lance Cormier
And let's introduce the competition, and a special Batter's Box No-Prize to the first Bauxite who can correctly interpret this cryptic team name, as it's time to meet ...
THE BROFLOVSKIS
** Hall of Famer (none)
* All-Star
LINEUP
C Kyle Phillips (5-for-18 as 2009 TOR rookie)
1B Kyle Blanks (mostly OF; .212/13/37 with 2009-10 SDP)
2B Jason Kyle "Jay" Canizaro (.250, 10 HR, parts of 1996-2002, SFG, MIN)
SS VACANT
3B VACANT
LF Matthew Kyle Watson (.183, 2003 NYM, 2005 OAK)
CF Leonard Kyle Dykstra* (.285, 285 SB - how 'bout that?, 1985-96)
RF Jason Kyle Perry (TOR draftee was 2-for-17 with 2008 ATL)
DH Dustan Kyle Mohr (.249, 49 homers, five teams, 2001-07)
PITCHING
RHSP Kyle Lohse (85-94 since 2001, four teams; 27-19, 2002-03 MIN)
RHSP Kyle Davies (38-49 since 2005 with ATL, KCR)
LHS/RP Kyle Abbott (4-17, parts of 1991-96, CAL, PHI)
RHRP Kyle Farnsworth (32-53, 27 saves since '99, five teams; 16 saves, '05 DET/ATL)
More not-so-notables: RHSP Kyle Denney (1-2); OF Brandon Kyle Boggs (.217, eight homers, 2008-09 TEX); RHSP Kyle Kendrick (27-16 since 2007 with PHI); RHRP Kristopher Kyle Wilson (14-9, 2000-03 KCR, '06 NYY); RHS/RP Kyle "Skinny" Graham (11-22, 1924-26 BSN, '29 DET -- MLB's first and only Kyle for more than 50 years)
Others missing the Kut: RHSP Kyle Peterson (5-9, 1999, 2001 MIL); RHSP John Kyle Mitchell (9-14, 1986-89 NYM, '90 BAL); RHS/RP Kyle Snyder (8-17, 2003-06 KCR, 2006-08 BOS); RHRP Kyle McClellan (6-12, five saves, for STL since 2008)
So who wins?
It's pretty clear, I think -- the Lances, even playing without a DH and sticking Borders at the hot corner, they could legitimately just slap the ball at the empty left side of the Kyle infield all day and run up the score pretty big.
Neither team is big in the pitching department, and though the Kyles are probably better -- and certainly deeper -- the Lances could coax 27 outs from Davis, Carter, Painter and McCullers, and there's always Cormier to go to in an emergency. The Lances have the most All-Stars (3-1) and the best single player, Berkman, who will get some HOF support but is unlikely to gain induction.
Actually, at a quick glance, if you combined these teams together -- though I can't think of an even semi-legitimate Hall of Names reason to do so, so speak up if you've got one! -- you'd have a pretty competitive 25-man roster that could make a run at .500 in any of the current 2010 divisions; the team is weak in the middle infield and in right field, and the pitching is a little dicey to start talk of a pennant run, but this team isn't bad ... and it's interesting to note that a slim majority (13/25) of the players on this roster are Kyles, not the probably-better overall single-name roster Lances.
COMBINED LINEUP
C Lance Parrish*
1B Lance Berkman*
2B Lance Zawadski
SS Lance Blankenship
3B Jason Kyle "Jay" Canizaro
LF Leonard Kyle Dykstra*
CF Lance Johnson*
RF Lance Richbourg
DH Dustan Kyle Mohr
BENCH
C Patrick Lance Borders
C Kyle Phillips
1B Lance Niekro
1B/OF Kyle Blanks
OF Matthew Kyle Watson
OF Brandon Kyle Boggs
ROTATION
RHSP Kyle Lohse
LHSP Lance Davis
RHSP Kyle Davies
LHSP Kyle Abbott
RHSP Kyle Kendrick
BULLPEN
CL-RH Lance Carter*
SET-RH Kyle Farnsworth
SET-LH Lance Painter
RHRP Lance McCullers
RHRP Kristopher Kyle Wilson
So Bauxites, who's better? Is anyone missing? And have you got any legitimate ideas to justify combining the names "Kyle" and "Lance," no matter how far-fetched, into one team? Bring it on!
