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Notes from Nowhere Reader Challenge: The Next Headline?

Veteran and stalwart Bauxite Mike D. writes,

OK, now things have reached rock bottom.  I think the organization has finally exhausted all conceivable ways to spark embarrassing headlines.  I can't think of any other on- or off-field aspect of the franchise which has been left unscathed by controversy or disappointment.

Ooh, I love a challenge! So let's have a little fun with that. What's the next embarrassing headline to "scathe" the Jays' it's-nearly-offseason?

Jays Mascot caught in Love Nest with San Diego Chicken
or maybe ....
Cito demands clubhouse beer not be Canadian "swill"

What avenue can we go down next? It's a creative writing workshop. Bauxites ... whatchagot?

 

Posted by Mick Doherty on Friday, October 02 2009 @ 02:34 PM EDT.
Reader Challenge: The Next Headline? | 17 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Matthew E - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 03:07 PM EDT (#206756) #

The problem is that there's no theoretical worst. Does nobody remember 1995 or 2004? This year isn't anywhere near as bad as either of those. It's not even on the map.

Still, I'll play along. And I won't even indulge my worst instincts.

"Building Inspector Fails Rogers Centre ("The foundation is shot," inspector says.)"

"Russell Oliver Named Jays GM (Team's New Slogan: "I Buy Your Shortstop")"

"Baseball Scandal: The America-First Fix (Selig Told Umps to Make Jays Lose)"

[ Reply to This ]
Gerry - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 03:12 PM EDT (#206757) #
Richard Griffin discovered to be secret consultant to JP!
[ Reply to This ]
Mike Green - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 03:21 PM EDT (#206760) #
Jays-Aid: No Neil Young, No Tragically Hip, No Metric, just five young kids singing their hearts out at Yonge and Bloor to help save a starving franchise.
[ Reply to This ]
Ron - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 03:28 PM EDT (#206761) #
- Jays give GM JP Ricciardi a 5 year contract extension

- The Blue Jays are not for sale according to Rogers
[ Reply to This ]
DRising - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 03:50 PM EDT (#206764) #
"Jays sign Encarnacion to five year deal on Wells' recommendation"
[ Reply to This ]
#2JBrumfield - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 04:20 PM EDT (#206767) #

What I'd like to see......

Balsille Buys Blue Jays

What'll probably happen.....

New Jays President: Ryan Greer

[ Reply to This ]
Timbuck2 - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 04:35 PM EDT (#206769) #
"Cito Gaston's secret trysts with Hazel McCallion and Belinda Stronach"
[ Reply to This ]
Matthew E - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 04:49 PM EDT (#206771) #

"Jays to Experiment with 23-Man Roster in 2010"

"Beeston Blasts Jays Fans ("Give me a Yankees fan any day," says Jays acting president)"

"Howarth, Ashby Replaced By Dave Kingman, Polkaroo"

[ Reply to This ]
Mike Green - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 04:55 PM EDT (#206772) #
A 23 man roster next year?  Whatever for.  Benches are for wusses, or so says Polkaroo anyway.
[ Reply to This ]
Ducey - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 05:13 PM EDT (#206774) #

"Hill and Lind put on waivers after comments about GM's nose"

"Millar Accidently Signed to 10 year, $10 Millon Dollar Contract. GM doesn't know how the extra zeros added - Now suspicious after the same thing happened on Wells Contract"

"Blue Jays to become Crown Corporation"

"Dave Stewart named interim GM by Ontario Human Rights Commission"

"Jays GM goes on Profanity Laced Tirade - Critical of Canadians - Vows to be more like Ozzie Guillen"

[ Reply to This ]
Magpie - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 05:30 PM EDT (#206776) #
A 23 man roster next year?

Hey - Bobby Cox won the division in 1985 with a 23 man roster (plus two Rule 40 picks who only got into games in unusual circumstances.)
[ Reply to This ]
John Northey - Friday, October 02 2009 @ 06:06 PM EDT (#206785) #
Hmm.  What could happen that would really, really suck?

Jays hire "proven GM" Bill Bavasi to run team for next 5 years

Jays hire "proven manager" Buddy Bell to run team for next 5 years

Jays trade Roy Halladay to the Yankees for prospects (who flop in 10 minutes)

Now THOSE would be horrible, horrible, horrible headlines.
[ Reply to This ]
ds - Saturday, October 03 2009 @ 11:06 AM EDT (#206822) #

JP fired....

 

oh wait! 'Tis true!

http://www.tsn.ca/mlb/story/?id=293555

[ Reply to This ]
Geoff - Saturday, October 03 2009 @ 11:13 AM EDT (#206825) #
J.P. leaves organization; 86 others vow to follow ASAP

Jays Vegas affiliate caught in gambling conspiracy; organization will forfeit first and second round picks for three years

Rod Barajas and Lyle Overbay fire 37 rounds in clubhouse on last day of season

[ Reply to This ]
OBG - Saturday, October 03 2009 @ 12:31 PM EDT (#206841) #
How 'bout...


"New G.M. Jamie Campbell to tab "Tabby" as Jays' skipper"



[ Reply to This ]
TimberLee - Saturday, October 03 2009 @ 12:45 PM EDT (#206843) #

Headlines I fear seeing soon:

             Jays moving to Brooklyn to settle 50-year-old lawsuit

             Hallady knew Bishop Lahey 20 years ago

             New Jays' GM says he can accept Bradley's contract

[ Reply to This ]
clark - Saturday, October 03 2009 @ 08:55 PM EDT (#206892) #
Richard Griffin reports that a love triangle is tearing apart the Blue Jays clubhouse!  Unnamed infielder storms out claiming that relief pitchers just can't be trusted.
[ Reply to This ]
Reader Challenge: The Next Headline? | 17 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.