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Features If Baseball Teams Were Actresses ...
I ran across a celver joke on the Web earlier today, dealing with Australian Football (Rugby) League teams and thought I'd try to flip it for Major League Baseball. Let's see how we do and, please, feel free to suggest your own!

  • NEW YORK YANKEES: JULIA ROBERTS
    Big in the 1990s but what has she done lately?
  • DETROIT TIGERS: SARAH JESSICA PARKER
    Just when you thought you were finally safe ... she's back.


  • BOSTON RED SOX: NAOMI CAMPBELL
    Struts around like a winner but behaves like a loser.
  • ATLANTA BRAVES: SHARON STONE
    Once the hottest name in the 'biz, now just a fading force.
  • PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES: SCARLETT JOHANNSON
    Only recently has everyone realized how hot she really is.
  • NEW YORK METS: LINDSAY LOHAN
    A miracle she is still alive.
  • SEATTLE MARINERS: BRITNEY SPEARS
    Once had the world at her fingertips. Now can't even remember to wear her underwear in public.
  • BALTIMORE ORIOLES: JANE FONDA
    A legend in the '60s and '70s but you wouldn't touch her in 2008.
  • TEXAS RANGERS: CATE BLANCHETT
    Used to be boring but has become interesting again.
What (who) else you got, Bauxites?
Posted by Mick Doherty on Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 03:14 PM EDT.
If Baseball Teams Were Actresses ... | 13 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Zao - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 04:15 PM EDT (#189073) #
Toronto Blue Jays and Madonna

Years ago had many hits, now Mrs.
[ Reply to This ]
timpinder - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 04:36 PM EDT (#189074) #

ANGELS:  Jada Pinkett-Smith
Doesn't have any big boppers but still manages to pull it off.

RAYS:  Nicole Kidman
A shining star after ridding herself of a social cancer.

MARLINS:  Kylie Manogue
OK, not an actress, but good for a one-hit wonder once every several years.

 

 

[ Reply to This ]
DJR - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 06:03 PM EDT (#189077) #
Toronto Blue Jays - Drew Barrymore
We all like her, but she plays the same role every year and is never in the running for an oscar.

[ Reply to This ]
jeff mcl - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 09:53 PM EDT (#189083) #
Jays = Amy Poehler.  They try really hard but it's just not funny.
[ Reply to This ]
Skills - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 10:22 PM EDT (#189086) #
excellent. the bauxite additions are funnier than the originals
[ Reply to This ]
Mike Green - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 10:31 PM EDT (#189087) #
MINNESOTA TWINS- Frances McDormand

Better than they look every year.  No one seems to know how they do it either.

[ Reply to This ]
Dave Rutt - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 11:24 PM EDT (#189088) #
McDormand even has the right accent!
[ Reply to This ]
Magpie - Saturday, July 19 2008 @ 11:52 PM EDT (#189089) #
Tampa Bay Rays - Keira Knightley
Young, beautiful, talented..

Kansas City Royals - Lindsay Lohan
Young... and messed up

And for some strange reason:
Toronto Blue Jays: Gwyneth Paltrow
Still talented, still looks good... but I just expected so much more...

[ Reply to This ]
Dave Till - Sunday, July 20 2008 @ 06:13 PM EDT (#189099) #
The Yankees are an aging Joan Crawford.
[ Reply to This ]
Mick Doherty - Sunday, July 20 2008 @ 06:21 PM EDT (#189100) #
Hmm. Well, if they stop signing free agent hitters, then Joan can scream, "NO ... MORE ... HIRED ... BANGERS!"
[ Reply to This ]
Zao - Sunday, July 20 2008 @ 10:35 PM EDT (#189107) #
Los Angeles Dodgers - Alyssa Milano
They both wear clothes that say Dodgers all the time.
[ Reply to This ]
Ron - Sunday, July 20 2008 @ 11:08 PM EDT (#189108) #
Toronto Blue Jays - Vanilla Ice

On top of the world at one point and now completely irrelavant

[ Reply to This ]
Geoff - Monday, July 21 2008 @ 02:52 PM EDT (#189139) #
Oakland A's -- Winona Ryder
If you see this one enter your store, expect your valuables to head out the door with her without much in return.

Atlanta Braves -- Catherine Zeta-Jones
Was a hot, successful number for a long while but is now focussed on raising the kids while preparing for a comeback.

St. Louis Cardinals -- Angelina Jolie
Has a rabid, passionate fan base and is always finding ways to win respect. Don't say you're not curious.

Texas Rangers -- Britney Spears
Would you trust her to raise your pitcher or child? Unfit mother label is well deserved.

Boston Red Sox -- Jennifer Garner
It is not certain how she puts up with some of those Red Sox fans, one in particular.

Florida Marlins -- Charlize Theron
Dr. Jekkyl or Mr. Hyde this time around?

San Francisco Giants -- Edie Sedgwick
Had some good times, mostly fueled by drugs. The aftermath isn't nearly as pretty.

Baltimore Orioles -- Katie Holmes
Appears to be owned by a complete whack job.

Tampa Bay Rays -- Nicole Kidman
Ousting the previous owner has done wonders for her career.

[ Reply to This ]
If Baseball Teams Were Actresses ... | 13 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.