Our own Leigh Sprague got the ball rolling with his fictional take on the Barajas/Zaun affair. Now, Protrade's Ryan Wilkins weighs in with haiku concerning the Manny Ramirez to LA trade rumours. We take poetry very seriously here at da Box, and the possibilities this off-season are endless. A player. A team. A general manager (I'm still searching for rhymes for Hendry). So, let's have them, Bauxites.
There once was a GM, Ricciardi,
Whose response to his critics was hearty:
"They think that they know,
How to run the whole show,
But they're clowns, just like Laurel and Hardy."
We hope for gilded Lilly and a Meche of gold so bright,
And Clayton’s glove is waitin’, and Zaunie’s heart is light,
And Hill the Thrill plays second, while Thomas hits it out,
But there won’t be joy in TO when our Vernon moves on out'Twas a month before Christmas, and all through the site
All the members were nervous -- yea, even uptight.
The second-place team, with its 87 wins,
Was creating more angst than "we beat Boston" grins.
For Bauxites were restless; they tossed in their beds,
While visions of Vernon Wells danced in their heads.
"He's gone in a year," an old friend named Keith taunts,
"In 2008 he will play where he wants."
"Play where he wants?" cried a shrill Bauxite chorus.
"Well, he cannot possibly want to play for us!"
"He'll want to go home where the taxes are lower!"
"Where owners are richer and groundballs travel slower!"
This is so, even though Wells himself will then say
"If the offer is fair, I'm delighted to stay."
The Jays say "we won't let a figure define us,"
But Bauxites do the math, as they plus and they minus,
They throw up their hands, crying "No way to fudge it!"
"We'll never fit Vernon Wells into our budget!"
"We only have limited money to burn!"
We'll lose him! We'll lose him! For squat in return!"
"Trade him to Anaheim! Trade him to Texas!"
"Trade him to the White Sox and hope he won't vex us!"
"Trade him to anyone -- I don't care how!"
"We'll lose him! We'll lose him! TRADE VERNON WELLS NOW!"
"Trade him for this guy I've never seen play --
"Just look at his stats down in High Single-A!"
"Throw in a young big-leaguer -- that would be nice."
"Sure, he's half the player, but at one-tenth the price!"
"And while we are at it, let's trade Chacin, eh?"
"Other GM's won't notice his high ERA!"
"Buy low and sell high -- doesn't everyone see?"
"Oh, why is JP so much dumber than me?"
Their plan seemed so simple, but in fact it was rotten.
There were numerous factors that had been forgotten.
The team was assembled to compete this year,
When the AL East inspires slightly less fear.
An AL club might offer up good young players,
But a Wild Card would then require answers to prayers.
From prospects future value may well derive,
But at some point the "future" has got to arrive.
There's no easy way to find Vernon's replacement,
Especially in this year's FA bargain basement.
These points did not make the Bauxites mollified.
They still were concerned, and so they replied,
"But what if we don't win? What if this doesn't work?"
"Think of the future, you arrogant jerk!"
Yes, this might backfire; they may not be improved.
The return might be lower if July's when he's moved.
But ask any player, or any athlete,
You have to seize every last chance to compete.
To the worrying masses one might just retort,
Wait until pitchers and catchers report.
You won't be so caught up payroll concerns
When you're stressing about Clayton's double-play turns.
There's an All-Star in centre. For now, let's sleep tight.
Happy Hot Stove to all, and to all a good night.
"He'll want to go home where the taxes are lower!"
"Where owners are richer and groundballs travel slower!"
Priceless, Mike D.