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Game Reports Jays 7, Mariners 5, and the definitive Blue Jays drinking game
Let's be honest: I have very little to offer in the way of analysis when it comes to baseball. If you want me to explain how David Peoples took a wonderful novel by Philip K. Dick and stripped it of its complexity by replacing the plot with that of Disney's Pinocchio, I could go on for hours. But baseball, I just enjoy watching it, especially when the home side wins.

That's why I am about to attempt to set down the rules to the Definitive Toronto Blue Jays Drinking Game. As always, I need your help and suggestions.

Now, there will necessarily be some fun poked at our beloved broadcasters, and I'd like to say off the top that I have a lot of respect for all of them, even the guys I usually slag. Especially Rod Black: he's a guy who does all different kinds of broadcasts and pulls them off smoothly and professionally. I cannot imagine how difficult that is.

With that out of the way, our first category is...

Broadcasters
  • Take a drink if Rod Black mentions Derek Jeter together with any of the following: clutch, Hall of Fame, not making the All-Star team in 2005.
  • Finish your drink if the Blue Jays are not playing the Yankees when he mentions this.
  • If Jamie Campbell mentions Jesse Barfield, drink.
  • If Warren Sawkiw begins a sentence talking about one thing but ends it talking about something totally different without a sensible segue, drink.
  • If Jerry Howarth says something down-home or folksy, drink.
  • If anyone describes a fly ball as shallow only to have it leave the park, finish your drink.
  • If anyone reaches for a time-tested cliche, drink. Can include: hitting is contagious, pitcher helping his own cause, getting off the shnide, professional hitter.
  • If Rod Black incongruously slips a "hip" word into a sentence, drink.
  • Drink twice if the word is "bling".
  • Finish your drink if he pauses for dramatic effect before or after using the word.
  • If Jerry Howarth laughs at something incredibly corny, drink.
  • If Warren Sawkiw also laughs, drink twice.
  • If Mike Wilner so much as snickers, finish your drink.
  • If someone calls Jays Talk with a really dumb idea and Mike Wilner lets 'em have it, finish your drink.
  • If anyone mentions bizarre biographical player information gleaned from the visiting team's media guide, drink.
  • Drink twice if it's Joey Gathright jumping over cars.
  • Take a drink if Rod Black says "Oh baby".
  • If Darrin Fletcher is the colour man, drink every time he tells a story that has a punchline.
  • If Rance Mulliniks is the colour man, drink every time you see his mustache.
  • Drink twice if anyone mentions his mustache.
  • Finish your drink if Rance himself mentions it.
  • If anyone mentions this website, drink.
  • Drink twice if they get the URL wrong.
  • If anyone refers to Pat Tabler as "Tabby", drink.
  • If anyone complains about the outcome of the nightly poll, drink.
  • If Jamie Campbell quotes song lyrics but does not sing them, drink.
  • If his colour man completes the lyric, drink twice.
  • Finish your drink if either of them attempts to hum or sing the song.
  • If any announcer mentions something off the top of the broadcast and then continues to mention it throughout the game, drink each time.
  • Finish your drink if they continue to mention it even if it is proven false during the game.
  • If anyone mentions the amount of visible concrete at the Rogers Centre, drink.
  • If Rod Black makes up a nickname for anyone, drink every time he uses it. Example: "Gregg Zaun has been Mister Doubles".
  • Drink twice if anyone else uses the nickname.
  • If anyone mentions what country Corey Koskie comes from, drink.
  • Drink twice if they mention what province.
  • Finish your drink if they mention what town.
  • If Jamie Campbell starts to mention anything on this list but then stops himself because he's read the thread, finish your drink.
Players, Coaches and Brass
  • If Reed Johnson does his tripod impression, drink.
  • If the camera quickly cuts away on the television broadcast, finish your drink.
  • If Ernie Whitt's contributions to Canada and Canadian baseball are listed, drink.
  • Finish your drink if anyone mentions Ernie and Mother's Restaurant.
  • If John Gibbons stalks around like a caged tiger while yelling at an umpire, drink.
  • Drink again if he throws his hat on the ground.
  • Finish your drink if he throws it onto home plate.
  • If either Reed Johnson or Shea Hillenbrand are hit by a pitch, drink.
  • If anyone else on the team is hit by a pitch, drink twice.
  • Every time Orlando Hudson does something that prompts an announcer to shout his name, drink.
  • Drink twice if they mention Web Gems.
  • Finish your drink if they explain that Web Gems is a segment on an American sports network that we don't get in Canada.
  • If J.P. Ricciardi is on the post-game show and is interrupted by his phone ringing or someone on the other line, drink.
  • Drink twice if he checks and it's his wife or kids.
  • If Paul Godfrey does anything that involves a helicopter, a laser or any other tool that would be commonly found in a super-villain's headquarters, drink.
  • If Shea Hillenbrand smiles, finish your drink.
  • Drink every time a Ken Huckaby at-bat doesn't result in an out.
  • If anyone mentions Miguel Batista's poetry or novel, drink.
  • If anyone says they've actually read either, finish your drink.
Miscellany
  • If a visiting outfielder misplays a ball off of the Rogers Centre outfield scoreboards, drink.
  • If someone gets a face full of shaving cream in their post-game interview, drink.
  • If an opposing player or manager complains about the turf, drink.
  • If they complain about the scoreboards, drink.
  • If they complain about the scoreboards after misplaying a ball off of them, finish your drink.
This is by no means the definitive list I'd like it to be. That's where you come in, Bauxites! Help me make this game the be-all and end-all of Jays drinking games.
Posted by Named For Hank on Friday, September 23 2005 @ 09:00 AM EDT.
Jays 7, Mariners 5, and the definitive Blue Jays drinking game | 37 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Flex - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 09:21 AM EDT (#128648) #
If any of the young players — Hill, Adams, Rios, Gross, League, Chacin, etc — are described by Warren Sawkiw as having been "working really hard with Jays coaches lately," drink.

If the particular coach is named and praised for his ability to work with young players, drink twice.

If this description comes immediately after the player has, in fact, failed to do the thing he's supposedly working on, finish the drink.
[ Reply to This ]
Mike Green - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 09:51 AM EDT (#128653) #
I heartily recommend Dan Fox's article on Bonds' 704th in today's THT. I share his view on the steroid mess, and it is a pleasure to read this view so well expressed.
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Skills - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 10:03 AM EDT (#128654) #
Any ideas for a Jays Drinking Game Gameday Version?
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jsoh - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 10:17 AM EDT (#128657) #
  • Every shot of Gibby in the dugout, sipping on that Diet Coke, drink and utter a quote from Boomhauer.
  • The SS LOOGY OPS sign makes an appearance, drink.
  • When the SS LOOGY subsequently retires the batter after the appearance of the sign, finish the drink.
  • When the Jays score a runner from 3rd with less than 2 outs, drink.
  • When the Jays dont score a runner from 3rd with less than 2 outs, finish the drink. Throwing the empty glass at the TV is optional.
  • Anytime someone mentions that Aaron Hill reminds them of Paul Molitor, drink.
  • Anytime someone mentions that Aaron Hill reminds them of Jeff Kent, wash your truck.
  • When Gregg Zaun makes a play at the plate:
    • Tags the runner out: drink
    • Tags the runner out, and gets knocked on his derriere: 2 drinks
    • Received the throw from Rios: +1 drink
[ Reply to This ]
forest fest - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 10:48 AM EDT (#128661) #
Take a drink if Warren Sawkiw mentions Mickey Brantley
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Jonny German - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 10:56 AM EDT (#128662) #
If Koskie tries to take an extra base, drink.

If Johnson replaces Catalanotto, drink.
If League relieves Bush, drink twice.

If Wilner mimics the Angels full name when referring to the team they're playing, i.e. "The Texas Rangers of Arlington", drink.

If Jerry refers to Towers as "Joshua", drink.
If he refers to Phelps as "Big Joshua", drink twice.
[ Reply to This ]
Four Seamer - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:06 AM EDT (#128663) #
If Hinske slams his bat into the ground after a pop up, drink.
If the accompanying profanities come through on the broadcast, drink twice.
[ Reply to This ]
Mike D - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:08 AM EDT (#128664) #
I miss Mother's Restaurant.
[ Reply to This ]
Flex - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:11 AM EDT (#128665) #
If Jerry manages to squeeze "let's admire that one!" and "there she goes!" into the same home run call, drink.

If he can get a "yes sir!" in there, drink again.

Alternatively, on a fly ball headed towards the foul pole, take a drink for every "hooking ..." but Do Not Swallow! If the flyball becomes a home run, gulp it down. If the flyball is merely foul, spit the drink back into the glass.
[ Reply to This ]
Named For Hank - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:28 AM EDT (#128667) #
Excellent, everyone. Keep 'em coming.

I especially like the "hooking" drink.

I'll assemble all these together and make a new thread for next week with the definitive rules.
[ Reply to This ]
jsut - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:28 AM EDT (#128668) #
Offtopic, but the thread poster started it...

So the movie adaptaion of A Scanner Darkly is that bad?
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Named For Hank - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:39 AM EDT (#128669) #
No, I was talking about Blade Runner. Did David Peoples write the script for A Scanner Darkly? I have high hopes for that one, but I'm a huge Richard Linklatter fan -- it's like some kind of confluence of things I really love.
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braden - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:40 AM EDT (#128670) #
If Vernon yells, "Gosh darnit" after a pop-up, drink.

If he yells, "God damnit," drink twice.


[ Reply to This ]
braden - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:41 AM EDT (#128671) #
Off-topic but I have a trivia question for the masses:

As of the end of the 2004 season, how many different players have played at least one official Major League game for the Jays?

To be honest, I was surprised at how low the number was.
[ Reply to This ]
Paul D - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:53 AM EDT (#128672) #
NFH, are you a sf fan?
I always like finding others out there. :)
I don't think a Scanner Darkly looks very good. I don't understand why the animation style was used. I know he's on drugs, but still....

I wish Joe Morgan did 2 or 3 Jays games a year, I'll bet we could come up with a drinking game based entirely on him.
[ Reply to This ]
Named For Hank - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 12:25 PM EDT (#128677) #
I think that the animation style was chosen so that a number of things would be easier to illustrate, especially the scramble-suits, which I think look fantastic in the trailer.

Also, in the novel A Scanner Darkly, the characters cannot tell what is a hallucination and what is not. To show that on film, either the hallucinations would have to be hyper-realistic (and in some cases that would defeat the humor in them, I think) or the whole film would have to be hallucinatory, so that things can come out of nowhere without trumpeting their arrival.

I am hoping that the scene from the novel where the stoners can't figure out where all twelve speeds are on the bike makes it into the film.

I'm somewhat a s-f fan. I love PKD, tho'. Sort of an obsession with me, really.
[ Reply to This ]
VBF - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 12:29 PM EDT (#128678) #
Everybody knows this was coming:

Take a drink every time Wilner uses the term, Big Scary Bat.
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VBF - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 12:33 PM EDT (#128679) #
Take a drink every time the Jays bring the tying or winning run to the plate in the ninth and the opposing team breaks the action by visiting the mound and the Media guys play some elevator music.

Take five drinks every time the Jays bring the tying or winning run to the plate in the ninth and the opposing team breaks the action by visiting the mound and the Media guys play something to get the crowd fired up.

Take ten drinks every time the Jays bring the tying or winning run to the plate in the ninth and the opposing team breaks the action by visiting the mound and the J-Force does some breakdancing.
[ Reply to This ]
Tenobia - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 12:39 PM EDT (#128681) #
If Geddy Lee is sitting behind home plate, take a drink.

If any announcer memtions that Geddy Lee is sitting behind home plate, take another.
[ Reply to This ]
joemayo - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 12:51 PM EDT (#128683) #
every time Rod Black mentions the "Mendoza line" take a drink.

every time he mentions that it's actually named after "Mario Mendoza" and not "Ramiro Mendoza" finish your drink.
[ Reply to This ]
Four Seamer - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 01:38 PM EDT (#128687) #
Every time Rod Black makes a reference to Pat Tabler's career numbers with the bases loaded, take a drink.

Every time Rod makes that reference when the bases aren't actually loaded at the time, take two drinks.
[ Reply to This ]
Mike Green - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 01:49 PM EDT (#128689) #
Take a drink every time Wilner uses the term, Big Scary Bat.

And if you see a big scary bat while Wilner is using this term, whistle the Batman theme and then finish off the bottle.

[ Reply to This ]
Bid - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 01:55 PM EDT (#128690) #
Linklater wrote the script for Scanner himself, although there was an earlier script by Charlie Kaufmann, which wasn't such a bad idea--I recall coming out of Malkovich talking about that film's resemblance to a Dick trip, and the ticket guy at the Revue exclaimed 'yeah, like Flow My Tears the Policeman Said.

The Waking Life animation treatment should work well for Scanner.
[ Reply to This ]
rtcaino - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 02:05 PM EDT (#128691) #
"If Rod Black incongruously slips a "hip" word into a sentence, drink."

Sawkiw said "props" the other day. It sounded weird. Almost like hearing my grandmother say "What's crackalakin."

Very funny read NFH. Especially the part about Jerry and Warren laughing at corny things. They are such geeks... Meanwhile my friends would ridicule me non-stop if they discovered how much time I spend on Battersbox. I was caught posting a comment last year and still haven't heard the end of it. Maybe I’m a geek too… Naww
[ Reply to This ]
rtcaino - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 02:17 PM EDT (#128692) #
If a bauxite calls Jays talk. Drink.

Whenever that guy calls Jays talk and complains about getting shut down by the Jose Mitre's of the world, finish your beer.

Every time Jerry mentions a nice catch by a fan drink.
If this fan has a beer in his other hand, drink twice.
If he then gives the ball to a kid, drink thrice.
If Jerry then rambles about that kid getting a major league souvenir, and then says "what a day for baseball, he he" finish your beer.
[ Reply to This ]
Andrew K - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 02:41 PM EDT (#128697) #
If Vernon shouts "fuck", clearly, into the microphone, finish the entire bottle.

(He did this in a game a week or so ago, rather surprising me.)
[ Reply to This ]
braden - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 02:42 PM EDT (#128698) #
If Jerry mentions Alice Fazooli's, drink.

If he manages to sneak it in with a corny segue ("That was a nice play. Speaking of nice, head on down...."), drink twice.

[ Reply to This ]
Flex - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 03:01 PM EDT (#128702) #
If CB Bucknor blows a call at first, second or third, and then gets all up in Gibbons' face when he comes out to argue, drink heavily.
[ Reply to This ]
VBF - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 04:41 PM EDT (#128707) #
Speaking of CBB BBucknor, in Wednesday's game, on the double play made by a great catch by the outfield, did anyone see Bucknor's call out? He looked at the fans, beat his chest about five times and then proceeded with the 'out' hand gesture.
[ Reply to This ]
Flex - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 04:48 PM EDT (#128708) #
The man wants his own reality show.
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Joseph Krengel - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 05:31 PM EDT (#128711) #
This leaves one very important question. When is everyone going to forego GOING to the game, so we can all go to a bar and put these new rules into practice?

Oh, my contribution:

Every time Alex Rios takes one of those "maybe if I throw my back shoulder into the ball" swings, drink. If he strikes out, drink twice.
[ Reply to This ]
Flex - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 05:49 PM EDT (#128712) #
By the way, if one wants some hard data to peruse whilst drinking, I have just stumbled on what one Sports Illustrated writer calls "the best website ever."

If you're into historical baseball facts and figures, check out http://retrosheet.org/

It's nothing to look at, but it has a wealth of data on franchises, players, parks, etc. Apologies if the better-read posters here know all about this already.

Drink on!
[ Reply to This ]
VBF - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 10:02 PM EDT (#128722) #
Take a drink everytime Peter Angelos takes a drink.

Seriously, what a mess he's got.
[ Reply to This ]
Twilight - Friday, September 23 2005 @ 11:05 PM EDT (#128732) #
If Eric Hinske shatters a bat grounding out, drink.

When Koskie argues a call politely, drink.

When Hinske argues a call by getting all up in the ump's face, or uses profanity, drink.

When Jamie Campbell uses the word "owned", drink twice.

When any broadcaster mentions a player that they feel was wrongfully left out of the Foul Poll question, drink.

If C.B. Bucknor is behind home plate, polish off a whole two-four in 10 minutes. Then for the rest of the game you will see Bucknor's point of view.

When the Jays are shut out, go get some harder alcohol.
[ Reply to This ]
Jobu - Saturday, September 24 2005 @ 03:13 AM EDT (#128757) #
My apologies if any of the following have already been stated. Last night NFH asked me for drinking game ideas via email and I replied. I've been out all day and just got home now and saw the thread and realized I have to post them here. I'm too tired to read them all right now so I'll just copy and paste everything I sent him :)


Drink whenever Rod Black makes an oddly affectionate comment about derek jeter.

Drink twice if the jays arent playing the yankees at the time.

Drink whenever Jamie Campbell says "driven".

Drink whenever Vernon swings at the first pitch

Drink whenever Sparky enters the game as a sub.
Drink twice if he's sporting "the woodsman".

Finish your drink whenever you see Vinny Chulk dancing in the bullpen.

Drink whenever Jerry says "actually warren..." and corrects him.

Drink whenever you hear the following words: "Moneyball", "Miniball",
"Ozzieball", "CharlieSheenBall"

Drink whenever Jerry says "the beat goes on"

Drink whenever Jerry says "The blue jays are in flight"

Drink if you hear "former Blue Jay Alex Gonzalez"

Drink whenever Warren mentions "the Canadian Olympic Team"

Drink whenever O-Dog visits the mound.
Drink twice if he's the only visitor.

Drink whenever the Dude can be heard swearing on tv

Drink whenever Zaun makes a fantastic block at the plate

Drink at the end of a win

Drink twice at the end of a loss

Finish your drink if Wilner says "Thrillhouse"

Finish your drink and your neighbours if you see me on TV.

Drink once for every policeman that tackled him if a streaker is on the field.

[ Reply to This ]
VBF - Saturday, September 24 2005 @ 11:38 AM EDT (#128766) #
Take a drink everytime Warren begins a sentence with the phrase "Ah, that reminds of my playing days at Forest Hill Collegiate..."

...or whatever that institution is called.

Drink twice everytime Warren says "I played with that guy...."
[ Reply to This ]
Jobu - Sunday, September 25 2005 @ 12:19 PM EDT (#128814) #
Finish two drinks if it ever becomes obvious that one of the announcers viewed this thread and is deliberatly trying to get people drunk:

Warren: There's former Blue Jay Alex Gonzalez, not a member of the Canadian Olympic Team

Jerry: Actually Warren...the beat goes on beacause the Blue Jays are in flight. Bling Bling. There she goes!

Mike: THRILLHOUSE!!! THRILLHOUSE!!! THRILLHOUSE!!
[ Reply to This ]
Jays 7, Mariners 5, and the definitive Blue Jays drinking game | 37 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.