On the bright side, Dustin McGowan held the Indians to just three runs in the first inning. (Updated, 11:15 P.M.)

This work by McGowan was, of course, an enormous improvement over his last outing. Tonight the Jays were trailing 3-0 before they sent a batter to the plate, but they’ve been in worse spots.

McGowan pulled himself together, and pitched well over the next few innings, while the Jays tried to claw their way back into the game. And eventually, the Jays batted in the fifth inning, trailing 4-2. Guillermo Quiroz, leading off, drove a ball deep to right, which was caught for the first out. But Sparky beat out an infield hit and scored on an Alex Rios double. Rios then stole third, putting the tying run 90 feet away. Vernon Wells walked, to put the lead run on base.

That was as close as it would get. With one out, and runners on the corners, Shea Hillenbrand struck out. Corey Koskie walked to load the bases, but Aaron Hill went down looking at a called third strike.

That was all she wrote, kids. Corey Koskie, who looks like he’s finally about to go on the tear I’ve been waiting for all year, singled his next time up. He was the only Toronto baserunner until Catalanotto’s two out double in the bottom of the ninth, by which time the score was 9-3.

The team’s record falls to .500, and they’ve lost 7 of 8 since I confessed to shaving off the incipient Fu.

I don’t plan on telling any of you where I live.

That’s since the confession, by the way. They actually won 7 of 9 between the actual shaving and the confession. Go figure...

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I have made a Data Table. I shall now pause, while you gather your wits and recover from the general Shock and Amazement.

Pause.

However, I am not sharing this Data Table with you. Here is why. I spent several idle hours (I have many, many idle hours) entering the career numbers of the Blue Jays hitters against every active pitcher into a spreadsheet. This took so much time that the roster actually changed, but I’m not going to worry about that now.

The resulting Data Table consists of 2914 rows - that would be a Header, a blank, and 2912 statistical lines. None of you actually wants to scroll through that, do you? So I am here to present the highlights.

We’ll begin with the man with the most major league at bats.

Corey Koskie
Most AB against - Mark Buehrle (57). Corey’s done fine (17-57, .298 with 2 Hrs.)
Most hits: Buehrle (17)
Most strikeouts: Buehrle (15)
Most HRs: Daniel Cabrera (3) in just 15 at bats.
Likes to face: Jon Garland (16-38, .421, 1 HR), Bartolo Colon (14-34, .412, 1 HR), James Baldwin (10-21, .476, 1 HR), Esteban Loaiza (11-33, .333, 1 HR, 8 BB).
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Ramon Ortiz (8-23, .348, 2 HR), Jeff Weaver (8-25, .320, 1 HR)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Tim Hudson (6-29, .207) and Pedro Martinez (4-22, .182)
Puzzled by: Mike Mussina (3-20, .150, 7 Ks), Arthur Rhodes (1-14, .071, 6 Ks), Sidney Ponson (2-18, .111, 6 Ks)
No Clue Whatsoever: Jaret Wright (0-17), Damaso Marte (0-15, 10 Ks), John Halama (0-12)

Frank Catalanotto
Most AB against: Mussina (47). Cat absolutely owns Mussina - (20-47, .426, with 2 HR and 8 RBI)
Most hits: Mussina (20)
Most strikeouts: Roger Clemens (14)
Most HRs: Tim Wakefield (3)
Likes to face: Besides Mussina? He’s done well against Wakefield (14-40, .350, with 3 HR and 9 RBI), Brad Radke (9-21, .429, 1 HR). And how about Mike Timlin (8-11, .727)?
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Esteban Loaiza (10-26, .385, 2 HR), Ramon Ortiz (11-31, .355)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Pedro Martinez (3-26, .115), Roger Clemens (8-31, .258, 14 Ks)
Puzzled by: Orlando Hernandez (6-30, .200, 1 HR), Bartolo Colon (4-26, .154)
No Clue Whatsoever: Kelvim Escobar (0-9), Kyle Lohse (0-9)

Gregg Zaun
Most AB against: Sidney Ponson and Esteban Loaiza (23). He’s done fine with both: 9-23 (.391) against Ponson, 7-23 (.304) against Loaiza and a homer against both.
Most hits: Ponson (9)
Most strikeouts: Pedro Martinez (8)
Most HRs: He’s hit 1 HR off each of 32 different pitchers.
Likes to face: Jon Garland (8-14, .571), Kenny Rogers (6-12, .500, 1 HR)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Ben Sheets (4-10, .400, 1 HR), Chan Ho Park (4-10, .400)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Pedro Martinez (4-21, .190, 8 Ks), Derek Lowe (1-11, .901)
Puzzled by: Curt Schilling (3-14, .214, 7 Ks), Carl Pavano (1-12, .083)
No Clue Whatsoever: James Baldwin (0-10)

Shea Hillenbrand
Most AB against: Mike Mussina (40). Shea’s enjoyed it for the most part, going 14-40 (.350) with 3 Hrs.
Most hits: David Wells (15)
Most strikeouts: Mussina (7)
Most Hrs: Mussina and Jamie Moyer (3)
Likes to face: Kenny Rogers (8-19, .421, 2 HR), Moyer (5-12, .417, 3 HR, 8 RBI), Wells (15-37, .405)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Jake Peavy (7-12, 583, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 4 BB), Chris Carpenter (8-20, .400, 1 HR)
Glad these guys are in the NL:Andy Pettitte (5-27, .185), Odalis Perez (4-21, .190)
Puzzled by: Jason Johnson (4-24, .167), Roy Halladay (4-22, .182), Rodrigo Lopez (4-22, .182)
No Clue Whatsoever: Tom Glavine (0-12), Ben Sheets (0-11). Bet he’s glad they’re in the NL, too.

Vernon Wells
Most AB against: Mussina (41) - Vernon’s got 13 hits (.317), 2 HR and 7 RBI
Most hits: Mussina (13)
Most strikeouts: Orlando Hernandez (9)
Most Hrs: Rodrigo Lopez, Jeff Weaver, Jason Johnson, Bruce Chen (3)
Likes to face: David Wells (11-24, .458, 1 HR), Mark Buehrle (8-17, .471, 1 HR), Mike Maroth (9-20, .450, 1 HR), Rodrigo Lopez (10-30, .333, 3 HR, 11 RBI)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Andy Pettitte (10-20, .500, 1 HR), Jeff Weaver (8-26, .308, 3 HR, 6 RBI)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Esteban Loaiza (5-25, .200), Victor Zambrano (2-18, .111), Tim Hudson (4-20, .200)
Puzzled by: Joe Kennedy (4-27, .148, 1 HR), Jon Garland (4-25, .160), Orlando Hernandez (5-27, .185, 2 HR, 9 Ks)
No Clue Whatsoever: Daniel Cabrera (0-14, 5 Ks)

Eric Hinske
Most AB against: Pedro Martinez (30) - Dude is 8-30 (.267) with 1 HR and 10 Ks, which isn’t bad against Pedro.
Most hits: Jamie Moyer (10)
Most strikeouts: Mike Mussina (12)
Most Hrs: Jamie Moyer, Jon Garland, Jorge Sosa, Rich Harden, Paul Wilson (2)
Likes to face: Moyer (10-26, .385, 2 HR), Jon Garland (9-21, .429, 2 HR), Bronson Arroyo (8-19, .421)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Buddy Groom (7-15, .467, 1 HR), Jeff Weaver (9-23, .391, 1 HR)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Esteban Loaiza (2-14, .143), Roger Clemens (2-13, .154)
Puzzled by: Mike Mussina (4-29, .138, 1 RBI on a HBP this week!), Kenny Rogers (3-17, .176), Joel Pineiro (2-16, .125)
No Clue Whatsoever: Gil (Ga) Meche (0-11)

Orlando Hudson
Most AB against: Esteban Loaiza (22). Good times: O-Dog is 10-22 (.455)
Most hits: Loaiza (10)
Most strikeouts: Mike Mussina (10)
Most Hrs: Jon Garland (2)
Likes to face: Besides Loaiza? Garland (8-21, .381, 2 HR), Sidney Ponson (9-21, .429), Curt Schilling (7-15, .467)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Loaiza, Ramon Ortiz (4-9, .444)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Livan Hernandez (1-13, .077), Jeff Weaver (2-13, .154)
Puzzled by: Tim Wakefield (4-20, .200), Bronson Arroyo (3-19, .158), David Wells (3-17, .176). The Red Sox seem to have a good scouting report. Maybe Schilling hasn't seen it.
No Clue Whatsoever: Jason Johnson (0-10)

Frank Menechino
Most AB against: Kenny Rogers (31)
Most hits: Rogers (11)
Most strikeouts: Jarrod Washburn (6)
Most Hrs: Randy Johnson (2)
Likes to face: Rogers (11-31, .355), Scott Schoeneweis (6-14, .429), Mark Hendrickson (6-17, .353), Brad Radke (4-7, .571)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Doug Davis (5-15, .333, 1 HR), Ramon Ortiz (4-12, .333)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Eric Milton (2-11, .182, 1 HR, 5 Ks), Andy Pettitte (1-7, .143), Pedro Martinez (1-7, .143)
Puzzled by: Jarrod Washburn (5-27, .185, 1 HR, 6 Ks), Freddy Garcia (2-15, .133), Mark Buehrle (1-12, .083)
No Clue Whatsoever: Orlando Hernandez (0-8)

Reed Johnson
Most AB against: Pedro Martinez (20) - it hasn’t been fun (4-20, .200, 7 Ks), but it’s Pedro.
Most hits: Rodrigo Lopez (8)
Most strikeouts: Pedro Martinez and Tim Wakefield (7)
Most Hrs: Mike Maroth (2)
Likes to face: Lopez (8-18, .444), Maroth (7-17, .412, 2 HR), Johan Santana (7-12, .583), Jeremy Affeldt (5-7, .714)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Rick Helling (4-8, .500), Derek Lowe (3-6, .500), Buddy Groom (3-6, .500)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Victor Zambrano (3-17, .176), Javier Vazquez (2-13, .154)
Puzzled by: Tim Wakefield (2-18, .111, 7 Ks), Bruce Chen (1-10, .100)
No Clue Whatsoever: Tim Hudson (0-9)

Alex Rios
Most AB against: Kenny Rogers, Orlando Hernandez, Mark Hendrickson (15)
Most hits: Rogers (7)
Most strikeouts: Erik Bedard (5)
Most Hrs: He has 1 HR against 6 active pitchers, including Roger Clemens.
Likes to face: Rogers (7-15, .467), Daniel Cabrera (6-13, .462), Randy Johnson (4-8, .500), Mike Maroth (5-6, .833, 1 HR), Gil Ga Meche (5-6, .833) (
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Javier Vazquez (5-11, .455), Victor Zambrano (4-7, .571)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Ryan Drese (1-6, .167), tony Armas (1-6, .167)
Puzzled by: Orlando Hernandez (3-15, .200), John Halama (2-12, .167)
No Clue Whatsoever: Justin Duchscherer and Scott Proctor (0-6)

Ken Huckaby
Most AB against: Tomo Ohka (9)
Most hits: Paul Wilson (4)
Most strikeouts: Johan Santana and Miguel Batista (3)
Most Hrs: Paul Wilson and Jason Johnson (1)
Likes to face: Wilson! (4-7, .571, 1 HR), Mike Maroth (3-6, .500)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Wilson, Mike Hampton (3-3, 1.000), Roger Clemens (2-5, .400)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Tomo Ohka (1-9, .111), Derek Lowe (1-6, .167), Jeff Weaver (1-6, .167)
Puzzled by: Sean Douglass (1-6, .167)
No Clue Whatsoever: Tim Wakefield (0-7)

Russ Adams
Most AB against: Orlando Hernandez (11)
Most hits: Hernandez, Bronson Arroyo, Jon Garland, Rodrigo Lopez (4)
Most strikeouts: Joe Blanton (3)
Most Hrs: Garland (3)
Likes to face: Garland (4-7, .571, 3 HR), Lopez (4-8, .500), Wishes these guys were in the AL: Esteban Loaiza (3-6, .500)
Glad these guys are in the NL: No one, really. Javier Vazquez? (1-4, .250)
Puzzled by: Sidney Ponson (2-10, .200)
No Clue Whatsoever: Bartolo Colon (0-7)

Aaron Hill
Most AB against: Joe Blanton (7)
Most hits: Joe Mays (3)
Most strikeouts: Mike Maroth (2)
Most Hrs: Ryan Franklin, Sean Douglass, Bruce Chen (1)
Likes to face: Joe Mays (3-4, .750)
Wishes these guys were in the AL: Chris Capuano and Doug Davis (2-2, 1.000)
Glad these guys are in the NL: Hitless in 3 Abs against Chris Carpenter, Esteban Loaiza, Glendon Rusch, Roy Oswalt
Puzzled by: Blanton (1-7, .143)
No Clue Whatsoever: Mike Maroth (0-6)