It's not important how I obtained them. What we need right now is a stupid, futile Game Report! And if you don't like this, my advice to you...is to start drinking heavily. Take it away, Globe boys! Up first, Larry Millson:

TORONTO -- Dustin McGowan was born in Savannah, Georgia. A 90 minute drive from there lies Ludowici, where he attended high school.

Considering this, the Blue Jays expected some strong pitching from the rookie last night, but it fell apart in the seventh when Pete Walker took over.

The Tigers scored the first run of the game off McGowan, who was making just his third start of the season. Placido Polanco singled, scoring Brandon Inge. This run would almost be forgotten as the teams scored at least four times more each before the game ended.

The Blue Jays got two outs on the basepaths, as Gregg Zaun threw out Polanco trying to steal second base. Also, Carlos Guillen was thrown out trying to advance to third on a nice relay throw by Alex Rios, via Aaron Hill.

The Blue Jays looked as if they would not get anything against ex-Jay Sean Douglass, just like they were shut down by ex-Jay Chris Carpenter earlier in the season.

But Aaron Hill hit his third homer of the season in the fifth, which put the Jays on top, 2-1. McGowan continued his fine pitching into the sixth, striking out four and walking just one through those six innings. He was at 83 pitches entering the seventh. Ultimately, the game was decided on the last play, as Orlando Hudson forced Carlos Guillen

But the Tigers came back with a run on a bases loaded fly ball that was heading to right fielder Rios.

But Vernon Wells cut in front and made the catch.

The Tigers rallied against McGowan, then Pete Walker allowed both inherited runners to score. The Blue Jays have used their bullpen a lot recently. Considering this, they did not want to overwork the relievers in tonight's game.

But the Blue Jays went to Frasor in the seventh, who performed admirably, then the next relief pitcher was Miguel Batista. Considering this, the series continues tonight.

And now, I believe Mr. Blair has something to say. Jeff?

THREE CHEERS
Alex Rios, RF, Blue Jays
Okay. Now you've got some power. I like it.
Dustin McGowan, SP, Blue Jays
Now that's the way to go. Keep improving and you'll never see the minors again.
Jose Cruz Jr., OF, Nobody
Tim McGraw had you in mind when he sang My Old Friend. Designated for assignment everywhere but in the heart.

THREE JEERS
Sean Douglass, SP, Tigers
McGowan's first career win is very grateful...
Pete Walker, P, Blue Jays
...but McGowan's ERA is not.
Vance Wilson, C, Tigers
Throws a vicious elbow not seen since the free sportswriters' buffet at the All-Star Game.

Much thanks to Larry Millson, who was so honoured to hear of this special Game Report that he will probably deny any involvement. Oh, and he'll most likely act like he doesn't know me. That Larry, such a joker.

So if you run into him, don't ask him about it. And don't mention it to Jeff Blair, either. Just trust me on this, okay?