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I'm a little bit weird when it comes to baseball. If you'll recall:
  • I dyed my hair royal blue for opening day 2003
  • I panicked last year and almost burned a vintage 1985 baseball cap that I found in a closet, convinced that it was bad luck
  • I abused my work resources to make, among other things, a gigantic Hammer of Thor for Chris Gomez
My new project requires the participation of as many of you as I can round up.

You see, when things aren't going quite right on a baseball team, you need to change things up. Sometimes you need to trade a guy, and sometimes you need to change your routines. Sometimes you need to do crazy, superstitious things like wearing your road caps at home, like the Jays are doing.

As a crazy, superstitious person, I wholly agree with this move. In fact, I am going to take advantage of the cap trade-in deal during the next homestand at the Rogers Centre to change my home grey cap to a road black cap. (It smells bad anyways. And that's a long story.) For those not in the know, if you bring in an old cap they'll give you ten bucks off of a new cap.

Originally I was going to try to encourage other people to do this, but I figured I'd sound like a shill for the Jays Shop. Instead, I am going to encourage everyone to change something about their Jays-viewing routine. Changing caps would be great, but what I really want people to do is what I did this morning:







That's right, I want all men who are capable of growing beards to join me in the handlebar mustache brigade. And once we all have our magnificent facial hair, I want to make a giant banner and have a group Rogers Centre outing where we'll bring the power of our mustaches into the home of the team.

Now, this doesn't mean that I only want GTA residents to grow or modify their facial hair -- no! I want you all to do it. Send pictures if you can, or merely post your success stories. And if you can't grow a mustache or would get fired from your job for showing up looking like an extra on Starsky and Hutch, change something else about your routine and post it here.

The Handlebar Mustache Brigade will certainly push the Jays over the top and into the playoffs. All they require is for you to join.
NFH Needs You | 41 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Joe - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 08:27 AM EDT (#124436) #
Despite the fact that I did exactly this last year (well, I also had the huge pointy sideburns too) when Pat Hentgen was still with the Jays, I'm in again. We need the combined facial hair power of all able Bauxites!

However, I'd like to point out that this is more properly called a Fu Manchu, not a handlebar moustache. Wearing the latter, you should be perfectly comfortable saying "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" With this, it's more like "You're Dr. Livingstone, eh?"
Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 08:29 AM EDT (#124437) #
Right-o, then, Fu Manchu needs you!
King Rat - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 08:57 AM EDT (#124441) #
I don't think I could get away with the Fu Manchu at work.I will, however, shave my increasingly shaggy beard into one prior to watching tonight's game on television. I'll see if I can get a picture.
3RunHomer - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 09:35 AM EDT (#124444) #
Those photos are really frightening.

And I shave my beard for no team. Chicks dig it. Or at least one chick in particular does.
Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 09:42 AM EDT (#124445) #
Come on, 3Run, it'll grow back. Ask that particular chick what she thinks.

This was actually Mrs. Hank's idea!
Tenobia - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 09:45 AM EDT (#124447) #
Since facial hair is not an option for this female member of the ZLC, I will instead offer up to the baseball gods my full collection of bobble heads. They will line up in front of the TV with me and we will bobble the night away.
Pepper Moffatt - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 09:52 AM EDT (#124449) #
This guy is in:

Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 10:23 AM EDT (#124453) #
Did he have a mustache when he was promoting Rex Kwon Doe?
gv27 - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:02 AM EDT (#124455) #
I am contractually obligated to remain clean shaven, but may be able to offer up Rance Mulliniks' stach in exchange.
Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:06 AM EDT (#124456) #
YES!! Speaking of Rance, funniest moment not included in Thomas' write-up of the Alan Schwarz Numbers Game talk was when Thomas ran off to try to get Rance's autograph during batting practice.
Rob - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:27 AM EDT (#124461) #
Seeing as how it would take another two months to get my beard anywhere near this length (at which time it does, in fact, look like Oswald there), I cannot participate, sadly.

Could we get Rance to shave the right half of his mustache and then Garth Iorg can shave the left half of his?
danjulien - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:43 AM EDT (#124464) #
I'm in...and I'm gonna make more bus trips down from St. Catharines to see my team. Onwards to the playoffs friends...
BTW when is the cap trade in, I saw it advertised but didn't memorize the dates...that red alert cap is too sweet
Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:48 AM EDT (#124466) #
Dan, the cap trade-in is this coming weekend series against the Yankees. I'll be at the Sunday game for sure, and maybe one or two of the others.

And for the record, I think Rob's excuse is lame -- it'll take you a long time to re-grow it, so you refuse to help your team when they need you? What kind of fan are you? It's not like I'm asking you to cut off your arm.
Andrew K - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 12:11 PM EDT (#124467) #
Best of luck with your endeavours, but I'm afraid I can't help you out here. I have observed that silly facial hair is much more acceptable in Canada than in the UK. I wonder if it's part of the national heritage or something. I have a good friend working for the ministry of heritage, and he has never mentioned it, but maybe he thought it was so obviously a part of Canadian citizenship that he forgot to say anything about it.

Indeed, I noticed that during 2003 and 2004 many members of the Blue Jays sported weird-looking goatees. But nobody would take me seriously in college if I attempted to grow facial hair for the first time in my life, still less if I admitted it was baseball related. Maybe if I could pretend it was related to England's attempts to win the Ashes...?
Rob - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 12:40 PM EDT (#124471) #
And for the record, I think Rob's excuse is lame -- it'll take you a long time to re-grow it, so you refuse to help your team when they need you?

Ah, my inspirational leader. What I meant was by the time I could get my beard to grow that long, the season would probably be over. Two months from now = October 2, the last day of the season. So if the beard is long enough for the season finale on against KC, then I'll go for the Pat Hentgen look.

Doing it now would look lame beyond description, and it could possibly detract from the positive effect. (Actually, the beard isn't the problem. It's the mustache.)

Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 12:57 PM EDT (#124475) #
Ah, see, last time I saw you, you had a beard. Didn't you?
Rob - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 01:41 PM EDT (#124484) #
Last time, eh? Would that have been the Saturday of the Baltimore series in April? Must have been -- that was a) the day Batista gave up 3 runs in the ninth after Magpie wrote an article about relievers giving up 3 runs in an inning and 2) the day of "David Roberts, The Freshest Name In Nuts."

So...yeah, I did have a beard on April 23. Now...not so much. Summer, you know.
Craig B - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 01:43 PM EDT (#124486) #
My management team is pleased to announce that it is currently in negotiations to shave the beard and bring in Doctor Fu.

We'll see.
Craig B - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 02:10 PM EDT (#124494) #
Maybe if I could pretend it was related to England's attempts to win the Ashes...?

In other words, if you told people it was a hopeless moustache? That might work.

Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 02:14 PM EDT (#124496) #
"David Roberts, The Freshest Name In Nuts."

That was the day.
Rob - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 02:15 PM EDT (#124497) #
As an alternative to the Fu Manchu, I will now start watching games with my Blue Jays hat on (which I hardly ever do, for whatever reason, since I always wear a hat) and I shall turn it into a rally cap when the situation calls for such an action. Is that good?
Named For Hank - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 03:02 PM EDT (#124499) #
That is an excellent alternative, Rob. I wholly endorse it. However, should the Jays make the playoffs you will be obligated to grow that mustache.
Jobu - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 04:37 PM EDT (#124507) #
As a lover of gimmicks and melted cheese... I am all over this Walrus-stache birgade. Pictures forthcomming...

I'd also like to say that should the Jays make the playoffs this season, I will shave my head into a fu man chu... whatever that means... i'll figure it out later.
Alex0888 - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 04:50 PM EDT (#124508) #
This area of the world probably has the most die hard fans ever.. that is the GTA area and other surrounding areas like my city London, Ontario... we've got hardcore fans too except for our intercounty league team... they don't get much of a turnout.
costanza - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 05:43 PM EDT (#124513) #
I dyed my hair royal blue for opening day 2003

Well, it really seemed to work. The Royals did go on to have a surprisingly great season!

Jobu - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 05:52 PM EDT (#124515) #
I am contractually obligated to remain clean shaven

Don't worry gv27. Your contract may force you to remain clean shaven, but we know what you're driven to look like in your heart... Welcome to the Fu-Birgade.



gv27 - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 07:56 PM EDT (#124519) #
Jobu. I never thought I'd end up looking like the sports guy in "Anchorman", but your graphic artistry has changed that. Thank you.

Do you know what San Diego means, in German?
Jobu - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 08:33 PM EDT (#124520) #
Drop that line to Rance the next time the Jays play the Padres.... hilarity will follow.

aaaaaaaaaand WHAMMY!
Magpie - Tuesday, August 02 2005 @ 11:46 PM EDT (#124529) #
I'm back...

I dunno if this is gonna work for me. The 'stache part is fine, but the extensions down to my chin... well, they tend to come in white (because, as you know, I'm really old.)

I end up looking like a vampire with rabies... or like I'm drooling...

More thought required.

Named For Hank - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 01:53 AM EDT (#124535) #
Two-tone is in.
King Ryan - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 02:03 AM EDT (#124536) #

;-)

Jobu - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 10:15 AM EDT (#124543) #
Whoa...

Magpie's been working out. Nice belt though.
Magpie - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 11:45 AM EDT (#124552) #
Obviously, that's not me. Come on. Could that man pass a drug test? I think not.

Could I pass a drug test? Uh...

Still, if you imagine a dark mustache with something like what the Hulkster has hanging down from it, you appreciate my dilemma.

Perhaps a not-so-nice Van Dyke might do the trick. Step with me into the Way-Back Machine, and journey to the late 1990s...

What do ya think? Or is it that too cowardly?

DepecheJay - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 03:35 PM EDT (#124578) #
You've inspired me NFH! I'm only 18, so I don't know about the handlebar... but being 18 also has it's benefits when it comes to crazy stuff like this. I'm thinking that I'm going to either:

a) Dye my hair blue!
or
b) Cut my hair really short (it's already short) and have the Jays logo drawn into the back of my head.

I'm not sure yet, but either way I've GOTTA do my part to help the Jays in this playoff race! Of course, it'll be rough living in NYC and all, but who the heck cares, LET'S GO JAYS!!

NFH FOR PRESIDENT!! errr..... Prime Minister!?! That sound good?
David Paul - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 06:31 PM EDT (#124598) #
Tomorrow is "Kenny Rogers Look-A-Like Contest" (?!) at the Fisher Cats game. I didn't notice if Kenny himself will be there, but if there's ever a face that was begging for a fu manchu in support of the Blue Jays...

Named For Hank - Wednesday, August 03 2005 @ 07:30 PM EDT (#124604) #
Magpie, you chicken, do the Fu! It'll be awesome, I promise.

I'm sick today, and so I'm loafing around the house wearing my comfortable (read: really faded and torn up) jeans and a t-shirt with a stain on it that's slightly too small because I had been feeding Theo some carrots, and carrots leave nasty marks on your clothes. Anyways, I hadn't showered, so my hair was all greasy and matted back, and I was drinking a ginger beer, because my throat was killing me. The bottle, of course, looks like a regular beer bottle.

I walked past my reflection in the hall mirror and was horrified.
DepecheJay - Thursday, August 04 2005 @ 02:01 AM EDT (#124621) #
I just realized that if you take off the glasses, you ARE Kevin Millar. Now, I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult... but hey, it's better than looking like David Wells!
JustinD - Thursday, August 04 2005 @ 04:59 AM EDT (#124626) #
I'd love to help with this, but the Jays have gone 10-4 since the last time I shaved so I cant really change anything right now. I have a picture of me when I had a regular moustache that looks really dirty, but I have no idea how to post it.
Named For Hank - Thursday, August 04 2005 @ 11:32 AM EDT (#124647) #
Justin, send it to me at aaron@aaronreynolds.ca and I'll post it for you.

I'm thinking of changing my handle to Named For Beaumont because of DepecheJay's comment.
Magpie - Thursday, August 04 2005 @ 03:54 PM EDT (#124685) #
I walked past my reflection in the hall mirror and was horrified.

Yeah, well that happens to me every day, so quit your moaning.

OK. OK. I'll do it...

Joe - Saturday, August 06 2005 @ 03:05 PM EDT (#124869) #
Well, not shaving to grow out the moustache didn't work, so I've shaved to reveal the horrifying truth of my plan (Sister: "Are you growing a beard?" Joe: "No." It's the truth, but the whole truth would shock and horrify you...). If the Jays win, I'll have to keep my moustache neat and tidy from now on.
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