Okay, we're going to talk about two things today, and the first is last night's game. Last night's terrible, terrible game.

The thought of having to re-live that game, think about it a whole bunch, analyze it and then write about it, well, that just about killed me. However, I unwound by watching insurance company videos of a Jaguar X-Type crashing into a concrete barrier at 40 miles per hour. Try it -- it's very helpful.

It's been a while since I've written a Game Report. Not because of laziness or writer's block, but because the schedule conspired against me: I took alternate Thursdays, and then Thursday turned out to be an off day for most of the season. I was starting to feel a little like Scott Downs... I'm here, I'm ready... put me in, coach, I can play today... or tomorrow... or next week...

I was hopeful going in: Orlando Hudson was back; Ted Lilly has been just magnificent lately; Tampa Bay stinks; the game was on TSN, but Rod Black is in Scotland; the first pitch from Lilly was a strike, my favourite good omen; and some guy who looks (and dresses) like Mel Lastman is at Baseball Control on TSN. Who could think of a better scenario for a Jays win? Nooooooobody!

Well, it didn't go that way. Lilly was great, allowing only two runs, one of which came across the plate on the suddenly-mortal Vinnie Chulk's watch. Batista gave up a solo homer, too, but none of that really mattered after the first run, since the Jays were almost totally stymied by the normally terrible Casey Fossum. Aaron Hill got a pair of hits, but no one could get him home. Maybe I should blame the Rogers Centre crowd a bit for that: in the bottom of the second inning Orlando Hudson was at the plate with two men on and only one out, and the place was nearly silent. I miss the O-Drum, even if Rogers Centre security doesn't.

I was thinking that for one of these games against the D-Rays I should try to sit near a microphone and start shouting HEYYYYYYY TAMPA BAY HECKLERRRRR! ENJOY THE BASEMENT, BABY! TWENTY-NINE AND SIXTY-ONE, SIX-TY-ONE non-stop until my lungs give out. Maybe someone in Tampa will laugh.

A guy was audibly heckling Cantu when he was at first base in the top of the 8th, shouting "Steal, Cantu, steal!"

There were a couple of good moments between Gord Miller and Pat Tabler, including this gem during a conversation about how hard it must be to belong to the Devil Rays:

MILLER: You played for that awful Cubs team in the early '80s. How did you deal with it?

TABLER: I was in the minors most of the time.

Gord Miller also informed us that Gathright can jump over a car with a running start. Now while I'm very happy to learn ridiculous information of this kind, I'm curious as to where it comes from. Was that in the game notes issued to the media? Was he demonstrating in the underground garage before the game? Did Gathright jump over the FedEx ball delivery car during the pre-game ceremonies? Is he willing to jump over the delivery car before every game? In a Superman suit? Because that would be cool.

Then I started fantasizing about a garishly decorated paperback, conveniently pocket-sized, with a title like Bud Selig's BELIEVE IT or NOT! that featured astoundingly useless baseball-related trivia and bad illustrations. I would buy this book. Wouldn't you?

One thing made watching this whole game worthwhile. In fact, I wish I had recorded it so that I could play this moment over and over and over again: Menechino has been brought into the game to pinch hit. The broadcast cuts to Lou Pinella and his lineup sheets. He takes his red marker and crosses out HINSKE and writes M-E-N-E... and stops. And pauses. Then he moves to write another letter, but then stops. Then he looks down at another piece of paper, and back up at M-E-N-E. Sadly, at this point the broadcast cut away, so we never found out if Sweet Lou figured out how to spell Menechino.

Mrs. Hank suggests, in answer to Gord Miller's question about what you'd call five strikeouts in five at-bats (Tabler answered "I don't think I've ever seen that") that this fantastic feat should be christened the Platinum Sombrero, should anyone pull it off.

Okay, enough of that. I don't want to talk about that game any more. I want it to simply become a number in the team's record, never to be thought about again, unless I'm thinking of Lou trying to spell Menechino.

Instead, let's talk about a guy whose signing was met with much derision, whose career-high first half has done very little to end the carping about him: two-time All-Star Shea Hillenbrand.

I issued the original NFH Challenge for two reasons: first, I felt that the guy wasn't being given much of a chance; and second, because I believe that anything is possible, and that predictive statements that are absolute ("this WILL happen" or "that WILL NEVER happen") are silly. I didn't actually expect to win; I was just trying to make a point. And I suppose that a point was made.

But still, people out there are down on Hillenbrand. Mike D summed up my feelings on this issue in the All Star Break Roundtable thread:

... I'm sick of the "he's not sabremetric, and I predicted he would suck, so he sucks" arguments.

Obviously, I'm not a guy who crunches the numbers. I enjoy reading about them, and I respect the people who do the crunching and more often than not I'm interested in the conclusions that can be drawn. But what kind of conclusions can be drawn about Hillenbrand that are bad?

Frankly, I don't understand it; his first half has been better than expected. Arguments can be presented that he either won't keep it up or that it's an anomaly, but so what? He did it. Why is there so much effort to reduce his contribution to the team?

Shea Hillenbrand is fourth on the team in OBP, behind Frank Menechino, Aaron Hill and Gregg Zaun.
Shea Hillenbrand is third on the team in SLG, behind Vernon Wells and Aaron Hill.
Shea Hillenbrand is second on the team in average, behind Aaron Hill.
Shea Hillenbrand is second on the team in home runs, behind Vernon Wells.
Shea Hillenbrand is second on the team in RBI, behind Vernon Wells.
Shea Hillenbrand is leading the team in doubles.
Shea Hillenbrand is leading the team in hits.
Shea Hillenbrand is leading the team in runs scored.
Hell, he even has two stolen bases and hasn't been caught.

According to ESPN.com, Hillenbrand is the third-highest paid player on the team, behind Roy Halladay and Miguel Batista, slightly above Corey Koskie, and about half a million dollars more than Vernon Wells, Ted Lilly and Eric Hinske. Is he "overpaid"? I don't think so -- he makes a strong contribution to the team. And at the third highest he still makes just over a third what Halladay makes and a full million dollars less than Batista.

Besides, the Jays have a whole bunch of room in the budget, so Hillenbrand's salary doesn't matter because it makes no difference to the club's competitiveness.

So let's have it all out, right here and now: what's wrong with Shea Hillenbrand? Explain it to me, because I just see a guy doing a great job. And while we're at it, let's have your fearless predictions for his end-of-season numbers (and anything else you'd care to predict about him). Personally, I think he's going to improve slightly from where he is right now, with an average around .305 and an OBP around .365. Don't be shy -- there will be a fabulous prize at the end of the season for whoever gets the most stuff right.