And now, we turn our Simon and Garfunkelian lonely eyes to Mike Green ... actually, this team is much more of a followup to the recent spate of colourful (or not-so-colourful) Hall of Names efforts, including Seeing Red, the White/Black/Gray matchups in A Complete Lack of Colour and going all the way back to the April 2003 more general True Colours team.
But this Green piece (har!) comes with a bit of a twist ...
... in that we will build one team completely of players named "Green" or who have the word "Green" in their full name (phewww ... Green fans go wild as Hall of Famer Hank Greenberg suddenly becomes eligible), and pit it against a team of player whose names are shades of green.
Acording to my Martha Stewart-loving spouse Sandye, with an assist from our non-Moffatt friends at About.com, the following are shades of green:
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emerald, sea green, seafoam, olive, olive drab, pea, grass, apple, mint, forest, lawn, lime, spring, leaf, aquamarine, beryl, chartreuse, fir, kelly, pine, moss, jade, sage, sap, sherwood, viridian
Now, we'd think about it if those last names translated from Spanish (or some other language) into the English word for a shade of green, but they don't (they're just false cognates) and while the Spanish word for "lime" is "cal," we're not going to open the door for every player in baseball history named Calvin (step back, Mr. Ripken; waddle away Mr. Pickering). Incidentally, the Spanish word for green is "verde," which would only land the Green Team RHRP Stumpy Verdel, who threw one shutout inning for the '44 Phillies.
So let's see where this goes; we'll check "Kelly" last just to fill in any holes in the roster, so it doesn't become an all-Kelly affair ...
SOYLENT GREEN
** Indicates Hall of Famer
* Indicates All-Star
Manager: Dallas Green (took PHI to '80 title, managed '81 split-season AS game)
Lineup
C Todd Greene (Angels' answer to Piazza ... not)
1B Hank Greenberg**
2B Dick Green (fine fielding .240 regular for "Battling A's" mini-dynasty)
SS Khalil Greene (future All-Star?)
3B Willie Greene (prospect never made it, but traded three times for All-Stars)
LF Mike Greenwell*
CF Danny Green (.293 in 923 career games for 1898-1905 CHW, CHC)
RF Shawn Green*
DH David Green (former prospect was centerpiece of lopsided deal that sent Rollie Fingers, Ted Simmons and Pete Vukovich to MIL)
Bench
C Charlie Greene (ultimate backup backstop, down to the .173 career BA)
IF Nick Green (Rays prospect at 2B/3B/0F)
IF Pumpsie Green (2B/SS/3B broke color line for Red Sox ... in 1959)
OF Jim Greengrass (two .280/20/90-type seasons for 1953-54 CIN, then nothing)
OF Lenny Green (Roger Cedeno type played 1957-68 for six teams)
Rotation
RHSP Robert Green Harmon (107-133 for 1909-18 STL, PIT)
RHSP Tyler Green* (unlikely 1995 All-Star for PHI)
RHSP Tommy Greene (16-4 for '93 NL Champ PHI)
RHSP Kent Greenfield (three straight 12- or 13-win seasons, 1925-27)
5SP Ed Green (7-15 for 1890 PHA, as 40-year-old rookie; only MLB season)
Bullpen
CL Jason Green (1-1 in 14 games for '00 HOU)
LHRP Fred Green (9-7 for 1959-64 Senators, Pirates)
LHRP Nelson Greene (2-1, 1 save for 1924-25 BRK)
RHRP Bob Greenwood (1-2 for 1954-55 PHI)
RHRP Rick Greene (5.2 IP in one relief appearance for '99 CIN)
RHR/SP Steve Green (one mediocre six-inning start for '01 ANA)
NOTE: Apologies to OF Scarborough Green, who was also a pretty "faire" ballplayer, but is squeezed out of the Soylent outfield. That's a mighty weak pitching staff, you've got there Mr. Green! Let's see how the shades shape up ...
GREEN SHADES (sung to the tune of "Greensleeves")
** Indicates Hall of Famer
* Indicates All-Star
Player/Manager: King Kelly** (173-148 in parts of three seasons)
Lineup
C Joe Oliver (Greg Myers type, best CIN C since Bench - not saying much)
1B Al Oliver* (2743 hits; best hitter not in HOF??)
2B Pat Kelly* (250 career SB; '73 All-Star with CHW)
SS Dickey Pearce (created the position of SS in the 1850s)
3B Babe Pinelli (.276 in eight seasons; later an umpire)
LF Bob Oliver (94 career homers by 1B/3B/OF/DH)
CF Albie Pearson (.270 lifetime, '63 All-Star for LAA)
RF Roberto Kelly (.290/124/585 career numbers)
DH King Kelly** (played all nine positions, hit .308, 1878-93)
Bench
C Mickey Grasso (.226, 1946-55, mostly with NYG and WSH)
C/1B/OF Gene Oliver (93 career homers for six teams, 1959-69)
IF Nate "PeeWee" Oliver (.226 2B/SS/UTIL for 1963-69 LAD, SFG, NYY, CHC)
OF Tom Oliver (mainstay on 1930-32 BOS, gone by end of '33)
UTIL George Kelly** (played all positions but C/SS, 297 in 16 seasons)
Rotation
RHSP Doug Drabek* (22-6 for '90 PIT)
LHSP Don Mossi (101-80, 1954-65; 15-7 for '61 DET)
RHSP Jake Peavy (future ace led NL in 2004 adjusted ERA+)
LHSP Forest Gregory Swindell (123-122 career)
RHSP Monte Pearson (100-61 career in 10 years)
Bullpen
CL Moe Drabowsky (88-105, 55 saves for seven teams in 17 years)
RHRP Firpo Marberry (101 career saves, 1923-36)
RHRP Greg Minton (150 career saves, 1975-90)
LHRP Beryl Richmond (1-2 in 10 games for '33 CIN and '34 CHC)
RHS/RP Pete Appleton (57-66, 26 saves, 1927-45 for seven teams)
Okay, apologies to guys like Damian Moss and Darren Oliver, not to mention 1988 CHW RHRP Sap Randall, who didn't make the cut, but that is a HECK of a bullpen, especially when compared to the Green crew. The last two cuts from this team were guys I wanted to keep around just for their full names: RHRP Frederick Romaine Applegate (1-2 for '04 PHA, named for both lettuce AND fruit) and LHRP Jack Russell Spring (12-5, 1955-65; who names their kid for a breed of dog??).
So which of these teams is better? And how could either or both GET better? (Now, before anyone gets all clever and suggests Dave Cash and Don Money would be, ah, dollars well spent to bulk up the infield, remember, we have the old Financial Times Hall of Names team already in place.) So fire away, Bauxites.
