After all, according to BBRef, there have only been 18 Bernies in big league history -- and that's if you count Carlos Bernier -- and three more with "Bernard" (and one Benard) as a last name. And the Bernie patrolling CF for the Yankees right now is the only one of those 22 guys who has ever been an All-Star, and pretty much the only one who ever got remotely close.

So we need to get creative.

First, we'll open it up to anyone with the character string "Bern" or "Burn" in his first or last name (we'll make one exception for a surprising middle name to bolster the pitching staff); that opens it up to all the guys named Burns and the occasional Tony Bernazard type. Adding "Burns" alone nets us 19 new roster candidates including two more All-Stars.

And we briefly considered opening it up to all people with names related to burns and the process of burning, but unless you count nicknames -- and we usually don't here, so sorry, Smokey Burgess -- that limits us to people like Steve Fireovid, Neal Heaton, Tom Matchick and, yes, Kerry Ligtenberg. And how much are those guys, especially when the GM would have to be Gord Ash, going to help a team?

So it's Bern, baby, Burn. Let's see how we do.

First, let's be clear on Bernie Williams, potential Hall of Famer. When Green asks, "Should Bernie Williams go into the Hall of Fame?," he's actually referring to Bernabe Williams, because another Bernie Williams -- this one Bernard Williams -- was also a major league OF. But the latter's Cooperstown chances seem remote, as he compiled a career batting average of just .192 for the 1970-73 SFG and the 1974 SDP.

In fact, that "other" Bernie Williams is probably best known as the other half of the trade in which the Giants packaged a fella named McCovey with Bernard off to the Padres for lefty Mike Caldwell, who was still five years away from winning 22 games for the '78 Brewers.

Anyway, back to our squad ...

Hunka Hunka Bernie Love:
* Indicates former All-Star
** Would indicate Hall of Famer if there were any

MGR Tom Burns (187-170 in four seasons CHC and PIT in 1890s)

LINEUP
C Ed Burns (.230 mostly for 1913-18 PHI)
1B Tioga George Burns (2,018 career hits for five teams, 1914-29)
2B Tony Bernazard (played 10 seasons for six teams; .301/17/73 for '86 CLE)
SS Johnny Burnett (.284 in nine years with '27-'35 CLE, SLB)
3B Bernie Friberg (.281, 1170 hits in 14 years mostly with CHC, PHI)
LF George J. Burns (2077 hits mostly with NYG, CIN 1911-25)
CF Bernabe Williams*
RF Jeromy Burnitz* (Another All-Star, but can he replace Sammy?)
DH Bernard Gilkey (118 homers, 115 SB, 1990-2001)

BENCH
C Bernie Hungling (.241 for '22-'23 BRK and '30 SLB)
2B/3B Bernie Allen (.239 for for MIN, WSH, NYY, MON, 1962-73)
2B/SS Bernie James (.257 in 114 games for 1929-30 BSN, '33 NYG)
OF/SS Oyster Burns (.300 in 11 years 1884-95, mostly BAL, BRK)
OF Bernie Carbo (never lived up to .310/21/63 rookie hype of '70)
OF Bernie Neis (.272 with BRK, BSN, CLE, CHW 1920-27)

ROTATION
RHSP Strawberry Bill Bernhard (116-82 1899-1907 with PHI, PHA, CLE)
LHSP Britt Burns* (70-60 career)
RHSP Jack Burns McDowell* (127-87 career)
RHSP Bernie Boland (67 wins for 1915-19 DET)
RHSP A.J. Burnett (37-38 in six years with FLA so far)

BULLPEN
CL Dwight Bernard (2nd on '82 MIL AL champs with six saves)
LHRP Sheldon Burnside (2-1 for '78-'80 DET, CIN)
RHRP Adam Bernero (6-23 in parts of five seasons so far with DET, COL)
LHRP Pete Burns (19-36 for five teams 1955-63)
RHRP Victor Bernal (1-1 for '77 SDP)

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY THE BOOTH ...
1B Jack "Slug" Burns (.279 for 1930-35 SLB)
1B/OF Bernie Graham hit (.267 in 43 games in the 1894 UA)
1B/3B/0F Juan Bernhardt (SEA pick from NYY in '77 expansion draft)
2B/SS Bernie Snyder (.344 in 10 games for '35 PHA at age 21, disappeared)
SS Bernie Creger (.188 in 16 AB for '47 STL)
SS Bernie DeViveiros (.217 in 23 AB for '24 CHW, '27 DET)
OF/DH Bernardo Brito (.219 for '92-'95 MIN)
OF Curt Bernard (.238 for 1900-01 NYG)
OF Bernie Smith (.232 with '70-'71 MIL)
OF Bernard Williams

There are another 40 or so guys we could consider, but they are perhaps best represented by RHRP Walter Bernhardt, whose major league career lasted 2/3 of an inning for for the '18 NYY.

But, surely we can do better. Remember, in the James Gang Hall of Names piece last week, we (and BBRef) managed to completely miss two Hall of Famers ... so who's missing from this Bern Unit?