Well, we'vestarted experimenting with a brand new format in our ongoing quest to fill Baseball's "Hall of Names." A while back, it was the Ballpark franks," and more recently, the All-Steve team.
Now, maybe before we dive into some of the already-suggested ("All-Joe," "All-Bob," even "All-Bud" and of course I hope to assemble an overly impressive "All-Mick" team eventually) followups, how about we find out what members of Da Box's Rosterhave the best "baseball names"? Credibility Check forthcoming!
Now... you know him as "Coach," and he's the founding father of Da Box (Cue theme music to "The Boxfather" and make him an offer he can't refuse) but the birth certificate says "Kent Williams -- which, come to think of it, would have made him a perfectly reasonable candidate for the recent
all Two-first-names team.And there's the question ... could a team made up solely of Kents stay in the game with a team made up solely of Williamses?
A couple of rulings, to start: We will accept kents of both types --first (Kent Mercker) and last (Jeff Kent) names. But, sorry, Williams squad -- only last names for you, so tell Say Hey Mays and Pops Stargell to head on home, alkthough the former will make the team in a very roundabout way.
Our All-Kent lineup is littered with All-Stars -- four of them, to be exact, with Jeff at 2B and stalwart Twin Hrbek at first, and the Scarecrow, Tekulve, trotting in tfom rthe bullpen. There was a RHP named Kent Bottenfield, he of the 46-49 career record, who made an All-Star team once, too. Bottenfield had a reputation as fine control pitcher, but he is simply bound to have trouble with passed ball on this squad, as no catcher named "Kent (first or last) has ever appeared in a major league game.Looking for a solution might require Superman ... so fortuneatly, ex-Brooklyn backstop Bob Clark ("Clark .... Kent ... Get it?) can strap on he tools of ignorance.
You think the Superman mulligan is a stretch? Our real trouble comes at third base.There are no Kents or Cants or even, philosophically speaking, Kants, available. Even all three players named "Ken" whose last name started with a "T" (Thus making messers Turner, Trinkle and Tatum, initially speaking, all "Ken T.") were pitchers. So we have a choice -- move Jeff to third base and trust the shortstop Anderson to cover the entire middle infield or leave Jeff on the keystone, abandon the hot corner, and hope our Superman, Clark, can catch antyhing hit foul off third. Since we've never heard of Anderson, we'll opt for the latter. And no, we've never heard of Clark either, so yes, it's completely arbitrary.
The All-Kent Lineup
C Bob Clark (via Superman mulligan)
1B Kent Hrbek
2B Jeff Kent
SS Kent Anderson
IF Kent Anderson
3B Vay-Kent ("Vacant" ... work with me here,people)
OF Triple Vay-Kent-cy
Tekulve, as mentioned, is the closer, set up by right Maury Kent, and lefties Steve Kent (0-2, 5.65 with the '02 Rays) and Kent Peterson (13-38, 4.06 with the Reds and Phillies in the middle of the 20th century.The 'pen might get a lot of work; the "ace" of the three-man rotation is SP Kent Mercker, a wiry lefty who at least sports a no-hitter among his 66-64 career mark. He's backed by righty Ed Kent(0-1 for the then-major-league Toledo Mud Hens in '84 ... 1884) and righty Kent Greenfield (41-48 mostly for the Giants and Braves in the 1920's, before either left the East Coast.)
SP Ed Kent (R)
SP Kent Greenfield (R)
RP Steve Kent (L)
RP Maury Kent (R)
RP Kent Peterson (L)
CL Kent Tekulve* (R)
Your bench consists of 1B Kent Hadley, who rode the same Kansas City-Bronx shuttle as Roger Maris, but who never homered off Tracy Stallard or had a movie with an asterisk in the title made about him.
So, there are your Kents.
As for the Williams team .. right away, you must be thinking "I'm gonna like the outfield." Yes, you are, WIlliams Fans ... it's All-Star Bernie in center, flanked from left to right by Hall of Famers Ted and Billy. That's a nice middle of the order, too. Ironically, given the only so-called "depth" of the Kent team is at 1B, there is NO obvious 1B for this team. So we'll take the extreme step of replacing Billy "Hall of Fame" Williams in RF with Billy "10 AB for the 1969 Seattle Pilots" WIlliams so the Good Billy, who played 96 career games at 1B can fill out the depleted infield.
Your All-Williams lineup:
* Inidicates All-Star
** Indicates Hall of Fame
RF Billy "Seattle Pilots" Williams
CF Bernie Williams *
LF Ted Williams **
C Earl Williams (former Braves Rookie of the Year)
1B Billy "Chicago Cubs" Williams**
2B Davey Williams *
SS Jimy Williams (MGR)
3B Matt Williams *
OF Kenny Williams (GM)
SP Smokey Joe Williams** (R)
SP Woody Williams* (R)
SP Claude "Lefty Williams (L)82-48
SP Stan Williams (R)
RP Mike Williams* (R)
RP Mitch Williams* (L)
RP Charlie Williams (R) (The man oncetraded even-up for Willie Mays)
And hey, a ready-made Braintrust as GM Kenny WIlliamsn and Manager Jimy WIlliams are raring to take on the Kents with this team -- even as Jimy has to activate himself to play shortstop.
So here's what it comes down to ... the Kent team ain't pretty to look at. The Williams team has plenty of holes. But combine the two, get one very presentable team ... the All-Kent-Williams team
C Earl Williams
1B Kent Hrbek
2B Jeff Kent
SS Jimy WIlliams
3B Matt WIlliams
OF Ted Williams
CF Bernie Williams
RF Billy Williams
PLYR-MGR: Jimy WIlliams
BAT COACH: Ted Williams
UTIL IF/BENCH COACH: Dick WIlliams
Now, maybe before we dive into some of the already-suggested ("All-Joe," "All-Bob," even "All-Bud" and of course I hope to assemble an overly impressive "All-Mick" team eventually) followups, how about we find out what members of Da Box's Rosterhave the best "baseball names"? Credibility Check forthcoming!
Now... you know him as "Coach," and he's the founding father of Da Box (Cue theme music to "The Boxfather" and make him an offer he can't refuse) but the birth certificate says "Kent Williams -- which, come to think of it, would have made him a perfectly reasonable candidate for the recent
all Two-first-names team.And there's the question ... could a team made up solely of Kents stay in the game with a team made up solely of Williamses?
A couple of rulings, to start: We will accept kents of both types --first (Kent Mercker) and last (Jeff Kent) names. But, sorry, Williams squad -- only last names for you, so tell Say Hey Mays and Pops Stargell to head on home, alkthough the former will make the team in a very roundabout way.
Our All-Kent lineup is littered with All-Stars -- four of them, to be exact, with Jeff at 2B and stalwart Twin Hrbek at first, and the Scarecrow, Tekulve, trotting in tfom rthe bullpen. There was a RHP named Kent Bottenfield, he of the 46-49 career record, who made an All-Star team once, too. Bottenfield had a reputation as fine control pitcher, but he is simply bound to have trouble with passed ball on this squad, as no catcher named "Kent (first or last) has ever appeared in a major league game.Looking for a solution might require Superman ... so fortuneatly, ex-Brooklyn backstop Bob Clark ("Clark .... Kent ... Get it?) can strap on he tools of ignorance.
You think the Superman mulligan is a stretch? Our real trouble comes at third base.There are no Kents or Cants or even, philosophically speaking, Kants, available. Even all three players named "Ken" whose last name started with a "T" (Thus making messers Turner, Trinkle and Tatum, initially speaking, all "Ken T.") were pitchers. So we have a choice -- move Jeff to third base and trust the shortstop Anderson to cover the entire middle infield or leave Jeff on the keystone, abandon the hot corner, and hope our Superman, Clark, can catch antyhing hit foul off third. Since we've never heard of Anderson, we'll opt for the latter. And no, we've never heard of Clark either, so yes, it's completely arbitrary.
The All-Kent Lineup
C Bob Clark (via Superman mulligan)
1B Kent Hrbek
2B Jeff Kent
SS Kent Anderson
IF Kent Anderson
3B Vay-Kent ("Vacant" ... work with me here,people)
OF Triple Vay-Kent-cy
Tekulve, as mentioned, is the closer, set up by right Maury Kent, and lefties Steve Kent (0-2, 5.65 with the '02 Rays) and Kent Peterson (13-38, 4.06 with the Reds and Phillies in the middle of the 20th century.The 'pen might get a lot of work; the "ace" of the three-man rotation is SP Kent Mercker, a wiry lefty who at least sports a no-hitter among his 66-64 career mark. He's backed by righty Ed Kent(0-1 for the then-major-league Toledo Mud Hens in '84 ... 1884) and righty Kent Greenfield (41-48 mostly for the Giants and Braves in the 1920's, before either left the East Coast.)
SP Ed Kent (R)
SP Kent Greenfield (R)
RP Steve Kent (L)
RP Maury Kent (R)
RP Kent Peterson (L)
CL Kent Tekulve* (R)
Your bench consists of 1B Kent Hadley, who rode the same Kansas City-Bronx shuttle as Roger Maris, but who never homered off Tracy Stallard or had a movie with an asterisk in the title made about him.
So, there are your Kents.
As for the Williams team .. right away, you must be thinking "I'm gonna like the outfield." Yes, you are, WIlliams Fans ... it's All-Star Bernie in center, flanked from left to right by Hall of Famers Ted and Billy. That's a nice middle of the order, too. Ironically, given the only so-called "depth" of the Kent team is at 1B, there is NO obvious 1B for this team. So we'll take the extreme step of replacing Billy "Hall of Fame" Williams in RF with Billy "10 AB for the 1969 Seattle Pilots" WIlliams so the Good Billy, who played 96 career games at 1B can fill out the depleted infield.
Your All-Williams lineup:
* Inidicates All-Star
** Indicates Hall of Fame
RF Billy "Seattle Pilots" Williams
CF Bernie Williams *
LF Ted Williams **
C Earl Williams (former Braves Rookie of the Year)
1B Billy "Chicago Cubs" Williams**
2B Davey Williams *
SS Jimy Williams (MGR)
3B Matt Williams *
OF Kenny Williams (GM)
SP Smokey Joe Williams** (R)
SP Woody Williams* (R)
SP Claude "Lefty Williams (L)82-48
SP Stan Williams (R)
RP Mike Williams* (R)
RP Mitch Williams* (L)
RP Charlie Williams (R) (The man oncetraded even-up for Willie Mays)
And hey, a ready-made Braintrust as GM Kenny WIlliamsn and Manager Jimy WIlliams are raring to take on the Kents with this team -- even as Jimy has to activate himself to play shortstop.
So here's what it comes down to ... the Kent team ain't pretty to look at. The Williams team has plenty of holes. But combine the two, get one very presentable team ... the All-Kent-Williams team
C Earl Williams
1B Kent Hrbek
2B Jeff Kent
SS Jimy WIlliams
3B Matt WIlliams
OF Ted Williams
CF Bernie Williams
RF Billy Williams
PLYR-MGR: Jimy WIlliams
BAT COACH: Ted Williams
UTIL IF/BENCH COACH: Dick WIlliams
