I'd like to say any song by Nickelback, but since that's not allowed, I'll go with Ballad of the Beaten Woman by Nickelback. (Or whatever it's called)

I don't think any of them are all that bad. Some of them I don't know, of course, but the ones I do are all fine by me. Not that I necessarily like them, but even the ones I don't like shouldn't be on here. If you want three in particular, I'll just take the top-ranked three:

1. We Built This City Starship ... 1985
2. Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung ... 1986

I like the third one, and I like the first one in spite of a couple of objections I have to it. Not a fan of the second one, but it's catchy.

Three songs I would put on there:

Seven Little Girls - Paul Evans
Revolution 9 - Beatles
Decades - Joe Walsh

I'd like to say any song by Nickelback, but since that's not allowed, I'll go with Ballad of the Beaten Woman by Nickelback. (Or whatever it's called)

Excellent choice! Nickelback represents pretty much every piece of "rock" crap that has come out in the last 5 years, IMHO.

If we had a thread for "worst cover", the Nickelback/Kid Rock cover of Elton John's Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting would be number one with a bullet. Truly, truly awful.

I also dont see what so bad about these songs, it seems like some random guys pet peeve list more than anything. To say the Beatles wrote a worse song than anything Nelly or one of today's "cool guys" wrote is positivly laughable.

Anywhoo, off this list DEFINATLY

Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da
Sounds of Silence
The End

The last two in particular I would expect to find on a 50 greatest songs list, who put them on here.

As for should be on... i dunno off the top of my head

Pimp Juice - Nelly
In "Da" Club - 50 cent
TIE: "I want it that way" Backstreet Boys/ That song eminem stuffed "Dream on" into

http://mothershipconnection.blogspot.com/
To NOT have a Journey song in the Top 10, let alone Top 50 is a travesty to Top 50 lists of all kinds.

C'non, no "Open Arms"? No "Separate Ways"? No "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'"? At least one, if not all, should be deserving.

Also, no "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison?

While avoiding things thrown by my Canadian brethren, may I suggest "Tom Sawyer" by Rush. Also Madonna's "Ray of Light."

Songs that shouldn't be there IMO
1. Breakfast at Tiffany's
2. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
3. The Sounds of Silence

Three that should could probably all come from Meat Loaf but...
1. Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meat Loaf
2. I Want to Know What Love Is - Foreigner
3. Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men

Excellent choice! Nickelback represents pretty much every piece of "rock" crap that has come out in the last 5 years, IMHO.

I don't know if you can get Edge 102, but recently they've started playing a medley of Nickelback, Theory of a Deadman and one other band I forget... they did a great job of mixing it, and it really shows how interchangeable that sound is.

Eddie Vedder should be the only man alive that can use "Uhhhhhh... " as a lyric in a song.

I would take off:

4 non blondes
Two Princes

I would add anything by Boney M, especially that Rasputin song.

I don't remember the names of any Milli Vanilli songs, Everybody have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung should be #1

Eddie Vedder should be the only man alive that can use "Uhhhhhh... " as a lyric in a song.

Come, come, my good man, you're forgetting James Brown.

I agree, Gerry. In fact, I would likely include the 4 non blondes song on a list of the best 50 songs.

Wow, we were just talking about this list at Guys' Night Out last night. I was relieved to see nothing by Supertramp here. I'll start by saying that #1 on that list is indisputably, undeniably the worst song ever recorded. Knee-deep in the hoopla, indeed...

Three that don't belong:

#3 - Everybody Have Fun Tonight: Hey, the video was great! The name "Wang Chung" is great! It's the feel-good, dance-floor, self-involved anthem of the '80s!

#6 - The Heart of Rock 'n' Roll: Don't be dissin' my man Huey. Sports is a fabulous guys' album. Besides, if we're going to be talking about bad Huey Lewis songs, where's Jacob's Ladder?

#44 - I Would Do Anything for Love: C'mon, this is Meat Loaf's big comeback single we're talking about here! Meeeeat Looooaf! The man who proved that anyone can make a comeback! Besides, haven't you always wondered what "that" was that he wouldn't do for love?

Three that do belong:

#1 - Thank You, Alanis Morrisette
#2 - Method of Modern Love, Hall & Oates
#3 - All I Want For Christmas is World Peace, Timbuk3

I have another dozen lined up behind these three.

And c'mon, Rasputin was an instant classic the day it hit the airwaves.

Ra-Ra-Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat who really was gone
Ra-Ra-Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

Genius.

Shouldn't be on:

1. What's Up - 4 Non Blondes.
I liked this song in grade nine. Surely it's not THAT bad.

2. The End - The Doors.
Cheesy? Check. Overwrought? Check. But those things aren't necessarily bad. We need brooding black-leather-clad drama queen poets spewing half-understood religious metaphors in our artistic world. Plus it works well in Vietnam movies.

3. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer.
It's entirely designed to get the songwriter laid, and to get men who own the albulm laid. So what? So was Percy Shelley's Epipsychidion. Hell, so was about 90% of the poetry written before 1920.

Should be on:

1. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - William Shatner.
At first it's funny. And then it keeps going.... I've never successfully listened to the entire thing.

2. 4'33" - John Cage.
Neat idea. Only once ever successfully listened to the whole thing. When it's in my WinAmp random playlist, I always think my speakers are broken.

3. Ventolin - Aphex Twin.
Hey, cool. Let's do a wicked mangled-beat techno song, and name it after a rave drug. No, wait, I've got a better idea. Let's also include the intense, squealing high-pitched drone that you hear when you overdose on the drug. Now let's loop that drone continuously throughout the entire fucking song. What a great idea. Our listeners don't need eardrums anyways.

Mike Moffatt's surely right about "Too Hot to Hold," and props to Christopher for "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad."

But the worst song of all time -- even worse than "She Bangs" or "Barbie Girl" -- has got to be "Video Killed The Radio Star." How did that not even make the list?!?

Should be on: many Guns and Roses Songs, particularly their horrible cover of U2. I forget which song, thankfully, or my brain might melt.

Should not be: "Two Princes"; "What's Up"

Definitely Should Be: "I'm Too Sexy"

Should Be But Aren't: 98% of all rap songs; "Rasputin" (or anything else by them); anything by MC Hammer

Spice Girls definately deserve one in there. I'm not sure I could single out one song that's worse than another but for adding exponentially more crap to music stores (of their own and those they "inspired") the Spice Girls need to be represented. I'll third Nickleback and go with How You Remind Me because it was the most played song of whatever dreadful year it came out. And one-hit wonder Eiffle 55 deserve a nomination for the montsrosity they called Blue.

Damn, reading the thread I think I just about copied Gerry's comments, thats too weird. For what it's worth, "Gerry" and I are two different people and for that I'm sure Gerry is eternally grateful.

It strikes me that nominating many of these songs as worst-of-all-time (not just the ones on the list, but the ones on this thread) is sort of like nominating Jim Acker as the worst ballplayer of all time.

I mean, there's a difference between 'worst' and 'least favourite', and if a song is catchy and popular, even if it's shallow and cheesy, then that's a point in its favour. (And shallowness and cheesiness can be strengths themselves in the right situation.)

Should Be But Aren't: 98% of all rap songs

Oh puh-leeze. Surely we've all outgrown "Music Genre X Sucks!" Hip-hop has a similar ratio of good music to bad to every other genre I know except elevator music.

Either take the time to understand what distinguishes good hip-hop from bad, what its rules are, and where its creative energy is focussed (lyric play with both structure and content; and rhythmic structure mostly), or don't comment about it.

[/POINTLESS RANTING REBUTTAL]

As promised, a dozen more:

Live is Life,, Opus
Escape, Rupert Holmes
Living in a Box, Living in a Box
Spanish Eddie, Laura Branigan
Flesh for Fantasy, Billy Idol
Abracadabra, The Steve Miller Band
Don't Cry Out Loud, Melissa Manchester
Wild Boys, Duran Duran
No Son of Mine, Genesis
Could I Be Your Girl?, Jann Arden
The Last Worthless Evening, Don Henley
Dancing On My Own Ground, Gowan

Well, based on comments I've seen in other threads, my musical tastes are quite dissimilar from most posters here (I'm just a hard rockin', synth-hating dude). But from that list these songs should definitely NOT be there:

Rollin' by Limp Bizkit--this is an LB song I can actually tolerate. They've got several better candidates.

What's Up by 4 Non-Blondes--this is a REALLY good song. No business on this list.

The End by the Doors--for the scene in Apocalypse Now alone.

I also don't mind the Meat Loaf song.

As for songs that DO belong, I submit:

Everything I Do by Bryan Adam--and all his other crappy, sappy songs.

Supersonic by Oasis--I hate Liam (or is it Noel)'s nasal whiny voice on pretty much all of their songs, but this one is the worst.

Livin La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin--Gack

Oh and a big raspberry to anyone slaggin Guns n Roses (which was MY fave 80s music) and Boney M (for their glorious cheesiness)

Matthew E, minor typo on your transliteration of the famous James Brown grunt. I think it's "Hunhhhhh". Much better than the Eddie Vedder or Annie Lennox versions of the grunt.

None of the tunes on Blender's list were "3 minutes and 5 seconds of pop magic", like, say XTC's "Life Begins at the Hop" or the Beatles "Can't buy me love", but I liked 5 or 7 of them.

Matthew E, minor typo on your transliteration of the famous James Brown grunt. I think it's "Hunhhhhh".

I think he has a few versions of it.

Following the criteria that it had to be a hit and basing the award on writing, not musicality, My list would have to include:

Richard Harris - MacArthur Park: reached #2 on the American Billboard.
A spoken song about a cake. Might be a metaphor for something else. I don't have a clue what though.

Extreme - More than words: I still don't know how it was possible to shove I, you, feel, and love that times in so short a space and still maintain coherency.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax: Catchy tune, but horrible lyrics. I can't believe this isn't on the list. I was slightly disappointed to find that there wasn't really a Jacob Moogberg in the band who invented the piano tie.

In the same vein, even though I hate Kokomo, it probably doesn't deserve to be on the list due to the lyrics. Breakfast at Tiffany's and the Heart of Rock and Roll are two others I'd take off the list.

If it was just based on bad music period, then I'd have to include My Pal Foot Foot by the Shaggs and Anything from the Transformed Man by William Shatner. The Transformed Man is possibly the worse album ever to be produced. I'll give William Hung a break on this one.

I *love* Macarthur Park. I've always maintained it's a send-up, not serious at all. And a funny send-up, at that. I mean, look at the end to the first verse:

...we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

Come on. Pressed in love's hot, fevered iron like a striped pair of pants? The song's a joke, and a pretty damn good one.

(Insert Krusty's voice.)

Ugggggggggggghhh. That song just kept going, didn't it?

I'm listening to it now... it always makes me laugh. Damn thing just keeps on going, and going, and going...

And easily the worst song of all time is "Macarena". Yes, that's like saying that Tony Womack is the worst defensive player in the major leagues. Sure, Tony's doesn't have the worst *skills*, but in terms of overall negative value contributed to civilization, it wins hands-down. No other song has half the nagative value of that one.

Andrew, what can I say, clearly I offended you. It wasn't my intent. All I can say is that when your over forty most (and notice I say most not all) rap songs sound, musically, like they could be written and are targeted at a teenage audience. What rap has going for it at its best is good poetry not, frankly its music. Most rap songs, even good ones, have an extremely basic beat and not much else going for them musically. I'm not making any comment or judgement about them culturally or even from a poetic talent perspective, but musically they suck. Just my thoughts and for what its worth because I have a much younger half brother I have invested quite a bit of time and energy into both trying to understand and appreciate it (even though 98% of rappers would agree that they are not trying to be appreciated by over 40 year old white men).

Andrew, what can I say, clearly I offended you. It wasn't my intent.

Just struck a nerve - no problem. I shouldn't even have replied.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

Latin? Now I'M offended. (Insert smiley face to indicate I'm not, in fact, offended.)

Andrew - no sweat. This points out one of the good things about rap. It tends to produce strong views one way or the other and I think that makes it significant no matter which way you view it.

Take off the list: Obladi Oblida, The End and Sounds of Silence.

Songs to be put on; Pina Colada; That feckless line where they meet at the bar - "oh, it's you" - is just too much.

I don't know who wrote it or if this is the right title but "Whatever I Said, Whatever I Did I Didn't Mean It" has got to rank as HOF rank cheese - "Look I don't want to get into specifics here, lets just say that whatever I said...."

And to replace a Beatle song Yesterday. Yes the most covered song in the world; "Why she had to go i don't know she wouldn't say. I said something wrong now I long for yesterday." Well do you know or not Paul. See above.

jason

Craig - surely the aerobic benefits of people doing the macarena dance are more than enough societal benefit to offset the horribleness of the song? Then again, now the stupid song is rolling around in my brain, maybe not.

The list is badly biased toward more recent songs, as if bad music didn't exist until the 1980s, But anyway...

"We Built This City" by Starship is an easy first choice. #2? How about "Nothin's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship. If you hear that song at a wedding, take back your gift.

Apologies to those who said otherwise, but that song by 4 Non Blondes makes me wish for a nuclear holocaust. Preferably while the song is playing so I don't have to hear all of it.

Where's Styx's "Mr. Roboto?" If that's not "unintentionally poor songwriting," what is? Anyone remember Paul McCartney's "Spies Like Us?"

"Afternoon Delight" should be in the top five. I'm guessing most of the staff at Blender are too young to have heard it.

I would make it a capital offense to play Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA."

That picture of Billy Ray Cyrus is funnier than any song.

Stop dissin Boney M. I second Jordan's nomination of Boney M = Genius!

Also, the mere mention of Relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood, has got my brained completely tied up with that song.

Relax,
Don't do it,
...
uhhh, uhhh, uhhh,

Here's one of the things I think about rap:

The arguments used to criticize rap now (actually, this was more prevalent about a decade ago, but still) are the same arguments that were used to criticize rock'n'roll in the '50s and '60s. Whether I myself like rap or not (and I do like it to the extent that I've been able to educate myself about it), I wouldn't want to put myself on the side of the debate now that I wouldn't have wanted to be on back then.

Worst song ever? "Never Been to Me" by Charlene.
Nothing else is even close.

Does anyone else remember this song? Truly awful:

"Oh I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
While I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things
That a woman ain't s'posed to see"

Honourable mention to 'I Just Called to Say I Love You' by Stevie Wonder.

I'd like to say any song by Nickelback, but since that's not allowed, I'll go with Ballad of the Beaten Woman by Nickelback. (Or whatever it's called)


Indeed, that is a terrible, terrible song. I think it's called Never Again.

However, Nickelback does surprise and write a good song from time to time. All of the following are in my good books:

worthy to say
this is how you remind me
figured you out (I like your pants around your feet, etc.)

I'm firmly on the Matthew Good side of this feud, but that doesn't mean I'll blindly hate everything in their body of work ;)

FYI, Jordan, what Meatloaf would not do for love is become a vegetarian. Hey, Meatloaf doing the Macarena...now there's an image to carry into the weekend.

I've drawn a blank on a Canadian singer/songwriter from about 20-25 years ago who had this really sappy hit. I know he had a beard. I think he later went on to do an album with Lee Aaron (that must have been bizarre). PLEASE HELP ME! Wait I think is name was Hill! What was his first name? What was the song?

i think his first name is dan.

Dan Hill, my friends. Dan Freakin' Hill.

Dan Hill ... Sometimes When We Touch?

Honestly, it's too much. I even close my eyes and cry.

Where's Styx's "Mr. Roboto?"

That song is so bad, it's good. Seriously. I know that's a term of art, but every spectrum is a circle if you extend it far enough (or so says Einstein), and if you pursue Mr. Roboto to the very farthest reaches of the Bad end, you'll find youself unexpectedly at the far reaches of the Good end. Metaphysics, philosophy and Kilroy: it doesn't get any better than that.

I don't know how I could've overlooked Afternoon Delight, I Just Called to Say I Love You, and Macarena. Three of the horses of the apocalypse right there. Throw Boy in the Box into the mix and you got yourself an Armageddon.

I'd also like a blanket inclusion of everything Air Supply ever did.

YES! Dan Hill. Sometimes when we touch. I apologize to all those who know the song.

Ladies and Gentleman of Da Box...

...meet Jimmy Buffet.

Nibblin' on sponge cake
Watching the sun bake
All of those tourists covered with oil
Strumming my six-string
On my front porch swing
Smell those shrimp, they're beginning to boil
Wasted away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know
It's nobody's fault

A classic debate, and I'm happy to see that I'm still the only one who's right.

I Love The 80's [tm VH1] but get your heads out of the Cabbage Patch and open yourselves to the travesties of the early rock era. The worst song ever, the one that when it comes on your car radio, you don't change the station, you abandon the car ... is "In the Year 2525" by Zager and Evans.

Unfortunately, having typed the title, I have stuck it in my head for days and must now go commit a random crime spree.

Eddie, I take your point about Jimmy Buffet, but there is a universe (generally after 4 or 5 stiff drinks and you're on a road trip) in which Jimmy Buffett makes sense - not much sense but some.

There ain't nothing wrong with Margaritaville. That's in my pantheon of Guilty Pleasure Songs, along with Moonlight Desires, Neutron Dance and S.O.S., plus most everything Mike Post ever produced.

I now have to go get my identity legally changed.

I once had a girlfriend who hated REM and the Replacements but thought Jimmy Buffet was God.

Boy, did that ever not work out.

Weird, Jordan. Moonlight Desires is one of my Guilty Pleasures as well.

Eddie, I take your point about Jimmy Buffet, but there is a universe (generally after 4 or 5 stiff drinks and you're on a road trip) in which Jimmy Buffett makes sense - not much sense but some.

I used to work in a movie theather as a teenager. We had one mixed tape of mostly Jimmy Buffet songs. The tape looped every 45 minutes. I worked there roughly 20 hours a week for almost 4 years. The tape played every single shift and for all I know it is still looping.

So while I understand where you're coming from, I will never EVER be drunk enough to get there. In my opinion, Jimmy Buffett is the devil.

In the year 2525, if man is still alive, if woman can survive....

Eddie - did you ever consider going to the Human Rights Commission with that story, cruel and unusual punishment if I ever heard it.

By the way, Scott, if I believed in capital punishment I'd be right on board with your Lee Greenwood plan.

A lot of my Guilty Pleasures are Can-Con related:

Black Cars, Gino Vanelli
Doesn't Really Matter, Platinum Blonde
We're Here for a Good Time, Trooper
A Criminal Mind, Gowan
In The Heat of the Night, Bryan Adams

Okay, I'm done embarrassing myself.

I second the love for Margaritaville.

I LOVE being at a bar when a band plays that song. Any song that has hidden lyrics is great!

Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Salt salt, where's the ******* salt?

Man, I wish I was heading to an Irish pub right now.
:)

What other songs are there with fun hidden lyrics? All I can think of right now is Jimmy Buffet and Billy Idol....

So many worthy contenders mentioned already, I want to toss some new ones into the mix. They're all about death, but unfortunately, they each made me burst out laughing, which I don't think was the intended effect:

Now I'm guessing most of you are too young to remember "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro:

She wrecked the car and she was sad/ and so afraid that I'd be mad/ but what the heck/ though I pretended hard to be / guess you could say she saw through me / and hugged my neck

And "Patches" by Clarence Carter, which would be a nice piece of funky R & B until Clarence starts on about how "one day a strong rain came and washed all the crops away and at the age of thirteen..." it's just too weird...

And - the envelope please - it's "Rock and Roll Heaven" by the Righteous Brothers!! If there is a rock'n'roll heaven, these guys have got some explaining to do.

And "Patches" by Clarence Carter...

Sorry, Clarence Carter gets a free pass after penning "Strokin!".

Best Wedding Song Ever.

Good call on "Honey" magpie; truly horrible.

How can we even discuss worst song of all time and not mention "Seasons in the Sun"?

Oh, yeah, Terry Jacks, Edward Bear. We're really on a roll now.

Craig, this is where you insert a comment about how bad the Devil Rays are. "They're so bad that they'd bring in Terry Jacks to sing the Canadian national anthem to get some snowbirds in the seats".

REO Speedwagon: "Can't Fight This Feelin' Anymore"
The Who: "Athena" (truly a low point)
Bob Seger: "The Horizontal Bop" (see above)
Eric Carmen" "All By Myself"
Whoever did "Feelings" ("whoaaaa whoaaa whoaaa")

Let the record show that the full title is "In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)"

Sadly, I saw REO Speedwagon in concert -- with Survivor! I mean, I was young and all, but yeeeeeesh. Kevin Cronin was a decent entertainer, and Reo Speedwagon is a guilty pleasure, but they are proof that taste is acquired, not bestowed.

I accept the rebuke re Clarence Carter, although half the fun is when an otherwise worthy performer wallows in the mud...

I must admit, many of these songs are bad in a Plan 9 From Outer Space kind of way. If Zager and Evans suddenly pop up on the radio, I turn it up and tell everyone to listen carefully. I always listen to Macarthur Park all the way through. I know he's gonna go for that high note, and I know it's not gonna be pretty, but I can't help myself...

Kudos for Dan Hill (Down Hill we used to call him.) That was truly irritating, in a fingernails on the blackboard kind of way.

And a special mention to "Locomotion" which has bothered me for several generations. I didn't like it much by Little Eva, I really didn't like it by Grand Funk (Hey! I'm your captain, I'm your captain) and I really really didn't like it by Kylie.

Oh yes - "Feelings" was by the immortal Morris Albert.

What about those 70's classics "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" and "Signs" ?

After I heard Sugar Shack by Jimmy Gilmer and the Fireballs for the first time (probably about 15 years ago), I was borderline suicidal in the days following. I swear, these two lines kept echoing through my head:

Well, it’s just a coffeehouse and it’s made out of wood
Expresso coffee tastes mighty good

WHO THE HELL WRITES A POP SONG ABOUT THE TASTE OF COFFEE???!!! Sure, coffee is great and all, but WHY SING ABOUT IT????? AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Uh oh, it's starting to happen again...

Sadly, I saw REO Speedwagon in concert -- with Survivor!

Gitz, I saw the 'wagon (as we so headily called them back in the day) in concert with Foreigner.

At an outdoor free concert at portside on the "river" in Toledo, Ohio, no less. Imagine the confusion of the innocent Toledoans trying to process "Head Games" and "Keep on Loving You" being performed in consecutive sets.

Worst song ever:
Things that make you go hmmm - I believe it's C&C Music Factory.

Who writes songs about coffee, TORyan?

Wahhllll ... 'ccording tah Google ...

Afghan Whigs * "Amphetamines and Coffee"
AWOL * "Coffee"
Black Flag * "Black Coffee"
Brooke Benton * "Another Cup of Coffee, Then I'll Go"
Irving Berlin * "Let's Have Another Cup of Coffee"
Greg Brown * "Good Morning Coffee"
Coctails * "Clown's Coffee"
Lacy J. Dalton * "Black Coffee"
Dance Hall Crashers * "Java Junkie"
Rick Danko * "Java Blues"
Descendants * "Coffee Mug"
Eddie Duchin "Coffee in the Morning,
Bob Dylan * "One More Cup of Coffee"
Ruth Etting * "You're the Cream in My Coffee"
Lefty Frizzell * "Cigarettes and Coffee Blues"
Bill Haley and the Comets * "40 Cups of Coffee"
Tom T. Hall * "Don't Forget the Coffee, Billie Joe"
Brenda Kahn * "I Don't Sleep, I Drink Coffee Instead"
Lightning' Hopkins * "Coffee Blues"
The Ink Spots * "Java Jive"
Lag Wagon * "Mr. Coffee"
Less Than Jake * "Black Coffee"
Gordon Lightfoot * "Second Cup of Coffee"
Manhattan Transfer * "Java Jive" (Ink Spots cover)
Bob Nell * "Why I Like Coffee"
Pogues * "Money, Guns, and Coffee"
Prince * "Starfish & Coffee"
Otis Redding * "Cigarettes and Coffee"
Frank Sinatra * "Coffee Song"
Squeeze * "Black Coffee in Bed"
Suspects * "Caffeine"

Thanks, Mick.

The jazz standard "Black Coffee" is a heart-wrenchin' blues classic.

I’m talking to the shadows
One o’clock to four
And Lord, how slow the moments go
When all I do is pour
Black coffee
Since the blues caught my eye
I’m hanging out on Monday
My Sunday dreams to dry

Aah, sing it, Ella.

From "The Coffee Cantata," Johhny S. Bach, 1732:

Father, don't be so severe! If I can't drink my bowl of coffee three times daily, then in my torment I will shrivel up like a piece of roast goat.

Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes, more delicious than a thousand kisses, mellower than muscatel wine. Coffee, coffee I must have, and if someone wishes to give me a treat, ah, then pour me out some coffee!

Yep.

I am ashamed that I truly forgot one of the absolute WORST songs ever to come out of the 80's...Yup, Pac-Man Fever by Buckner and Garcia.

Yeah, I know it's a treasure and it's written about a rock icon, but Don MacLean's "American Pie" has to be one of the most bloated and terribly moldy songs I have ever heard. #2 with a bullet.

On my list, "Dreams of the Everyday Housewife" by Glen Campbell wins the narrowest of decisions over Paul Anka's "Your Having My Baby," which means that -- hard as this may be to believe -- Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" is only the third worst song.

I like several of the Top 50 -- McFerrin, Simon & Garfunkel, R.E.M. -- and can't believe that "Yummy Yummy Yummy" didn't make the list. How old are these people? That song really sucked.

Craig's attempted revisionism casting it as satire.

Well, I don't think Richard Harris intended it as such. And certainly not Donna Summer (who doesn't have an ironic bone in her body). I mean the songwriter, who apparently wrote Macarthur Park as the concluding movement of a 22-minute cantata. I think he had his tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Regarding Dan Hill, he is indeed Canadian (another reason that Americans *really* shouldn't pretend to be Canadian when they go abroad). In fact, in the very fine (and slightly odd) 80s movie South of Wawa the central plot is the heroine's joruney down south to Toronto to go a Dan Hill concert.

Coach, I was waiting for Glen Campbell, and I concur. "Having my baby", no thanks I'll get a vasectomy.

"Yummy, yummy, yummy" is the tip of the 60s novelty song iceberg, and frightening it is. I don't imagine that my grandchildren will be humming "Itsy bitsy teeny weeny polka-dot bikini".

How has noone mentioned "One Night in Bangkok"?

I like a number of the songs on that list like "2 Princes" "What's Going On" "The End". I am really happy that Master P has one on there. Me and my friends would make Master P remixes of songs on the radio by just stick in an "uunnnngggghhh" anywhere through the song.

The one song I can not listen to without wanting to jam something into my ears is "Love Shack" by the B52's. I absoultly think that is a terrible song. I appoligise in advance if my mentioning of this terrible song causes it to get stuck in your head

I've never understood why Ricky Martin doesn't know the Spanish word for "Livin'".

Anyone who enjoyed this thread absolutely needs to read the Onion A.V. Club's Least Essential Albums of the '90s. I don't read the Onion much these days, but this piece is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Well, it's obvious there's not a real consensus here because ther'es some stuff I actually LIKE (Hrizontal Bop - Seger's worst is still better than thousands of other songs - One Night in Bangcock was a guilty pleasure, almost anything by Journey is good) so therefore, as one of the oild moldy guys around here I feel safe in saying that whatever the top 50 night be, you could make a good list of 50 or 100 REALLY BAD songs from just the last decade.

Also, I might add that there are the songs which were hits and were taken seriously and there were those little marginal songs which weren't supposed to be "classics" and both had really bad entries. In the former catagories (and i know I'll get raked over the coals for this) my worst of all time is "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
How that ungodly three minutes of noise ever sold a single copy is beyond me.

In the altter catagory (where you will find all the TRUELY bad songs" i can't think of anything I'd rather NOT hear again in the rest of my life than Queen's "Bicycle Race"
I used to have a greatest hits album where that thing was tied together with "Fat Bottomed Girls" (whose lyrics I can't get into but is instramentally one of the best rock songs i've ever heard) and it was such a downer to have such a great song followed imediatly by such a disater.

I think anyone who makes a list like that should have to come up with 3-5 songs they consider good to great *released in the same year and genre* as each song they think was bad. I mean this is a silly distribution of songs. I'm a fan of (some) disco, but only 1 bad song in the whole 1970s? Come on!

1960s - 3 songs listed
1970s - 1 song listed
1980s - 5 songs listed
1990s - 11 songs listed
2000s - 3 songs listed (and we are only about a third of the way through this decade)

I want to see this guys list of 15 great 1991 songs and 10 great 1998 and 10 great 2000 songs.

Now admittedly I have a hard time separating the lyrics from the music of the song (largely because that isn't the way a song is supposed to be appreciated), but I like a number of songs on this list including (in rough order of how much I like them, starting with my favorites):

24. Five for Fighting Superman ... 2000 (Special Award for switching band name and song title)
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland John Mayer ... 2001
21. Two Princes Spin Doctors ... 1992
5. Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice ... 1990
33. Barbie Girl Aqua ... 1997
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's Deep Blue Something ... 1995
41. We Didn't Start the Fire Billy Joel ... 1989
49. I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred ... 1992
23. Sunglasses at Night Corey Hart ... 1984
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung ... 1986
9. American Life Madonna ... 2003
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. ... 1991
12. Kokomo The Beach Boys ... 1988
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Crash Test Dummies ... 1994
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy Bobby McFerrin ... 1988
16. What's Up? 4 Non Blondes ... 1993
1. We Built This City Starship ... 1985
42. The Sounds of Silence Simon & Garfunkel ... 1965
15. I'll Be There for You The Rembrandts ... 1995
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) Meat Loaf ... 1993

So that's 42% of the worst list that I like. And I could probably add another 10 songs that I don't hate.

Easy to hate songs 1 - Bohemian Rhapsody
2 - American Pie
3 - Drop the pilot
4 - Bat outta hell
5 - Kama Carmeleon

Has "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene filtered through to the rest of the world or was this monstrosity a hit in Australia only. And our own contribution to dud songs "What About Me", first by Moving pictures and revived by our Popstars candidate SHannon Noll. It's a shocker.

Shouldn't be on the List

We Didn't Start the Fire (A history of the 20th century in 4+ minutes) - Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue (Come on guys, It about time to kick some terrorist ass!!) - The End (Yea, it's a little weird, but it's the Doors!) - Sounds of Silence(Should bein the TOP 50)

Should be on the List (These show my age)

Surfin'Bird - The Trashmen
Tiptoe Through the Tulips - Tiny Tim

These tie for my two worst ever!!! Others of mention

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy - 1910 Fruitgum Company
Sukiyaki - Kyu Sakamoto (1960s Japanese import)

Surfin'Bird - The Trashmen

You are out of your mind. That's a great song. It's a work of genius.

And I mean that, you know, in a nice way.

Is it a lack of exposure that has caused ony one person to mention William Shatner's mutilation of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? It's so bad it's not even funny.

But it pales in comparison to some of the other stuff I've put my eardrums through. Probably the most heinous of these is the "Things get a little easier when you understand" song. I don't know what kind of band 'think' was, or which think tank hired them to write this festering heap of condecending buttwurst, but I'm sure that no-one could have released it just because they'd make money from sales. They had to have incentive elsewhere.

Another obvious choice that no-one has discovered yet is the incomprehensibly dire "cheeky girls". No-one has not heard this song, no-one has not hated it, and yet it got to number 1. This is, of course, comprehensive proof that with enough money you can sell anything.

Speaking of bad pop, Blazin Squad (who incedently started off just around the corner from me, so no ballistic missiles please) have, and I am prepared to swear to this, never written a good note between them. Crossroads (I think that's what it's called), probably the least inventive song ever, is a good example of really awful songwriting/preforming in action.

Of course, the worst song ever is the Barney song. but you knew that. And incidently, I think that American Pie has a peculair charm to it, so leave it alone.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of compiling all these things onto a CD and sending them to one of my friends as a birthday present, and listening to all this crap makes me appreciate good music even more. I hope he appreciates what I'm going through. Hell, my brain is on the point of crawling down my spine and escaping out of my rectum to a wonderful world where there is no Styx. Is there anything you might have missed? I'm looking for a comprehensive list.

Is it a lack of exposure that has caused ony one person to mention William Shatner's mutilation of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? It's so bad it's not even funny.

But it pales in comparison to some of the other stuff I've put my eardrums through. Probably the most heinous of these is the "Things get a little easier when you understand" song. I don't know what kind of band 'think' was, or which think tank hired them to write this festering heap of condecending buttwurst, but I'm sure that no-one could have released it just because they'd make money from sales. They had to have incentive elsewhere.

Another obvious choice that no-one has discovered yet is the incomprehensibly dire "cheeky girls". No-one has not heard this song, no-one has not hated it, and yet it got to number 1. This is, of course, comprehensive proof that with enough money you can sell anything.

Speaking of bad pop, Blazin Squad (who incedently started off just around the corner from me, so no ballistic missiles please) have, and I am prepared to swear to this, never written a good note between them. Crossroads (I think that's what it's called), probably the least inventive song ever, is a good example of really awful songwriting/preforming in action.

Of course, the worst song ever is the Barney song. but you knew that. And incidently, I think that American Pie has a peculair charm to it, so leave it alone.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of compiling all these things onto a CD and sending them to one of my friends as a birthday present, and listening to all this crap makes me appreciate good music even more. I hope he appreciates what I'm going through. Hell, my brain is on the point of crawling down my spine and escaping out of my rectum to a wonderful world where there is no Styx. Is there anything you might have missed? I'm looking for a comprehensive list.