Those fun-loving New Hampshireites are close to choosing a new name for their new Double-A baseball club (the former Ravens of New Haven). The voting has closed (unfortunately, only U.S. residents could cast ballots), and the new name and logo will be announced tomorrow in Manchester. Will the winning entry be the Fisher Cats, the Mountain Men, the Granite, the Millers or rejected first-choice the Primaries? "The voting results were unbelievably close!" says the Website, which doesn't bode well.
To my mind, the choice is simple:
1. Fisher Cats is one of those lame minor-league names that think they're cool because they contain the words "Cats," "Swamp" or "Rock." And what is a Fisher Cat, anyway? Cats eat fish, dammit.
2. Granite is the latest example of the craze that swept the 1980s: collective-noun names! Pioneered by the Chicago Blitz and since copied by the likes of Heat, Lightning, Avalanche and other unpleasant weather phenomena, it's also lame. And a team called the Granite doesn't inspire visions of exciting, first-to-third baserunning.
3. Millers? Please. Will the logo be a bunch of guys in a pulp and paper mill with lumberjack jackets and numerous diseases? Or maybe a delightful carciacture of Hal Linden? Outside of the obvious brewery tie-in, this is way lame.
4. Primaries -- been there, rejected that. We've covered in detail why it's not a good idea to name your team after a quadrennial political event, but considering recent strategies by some U.S. presidential candidates to bypass the Iowa caucus altogether, the New Hampshire Primary itself may be an endangered species. Extinct names are super-lame.
5. Mountain Men is the obvious choice, and not only because of that hallowed judging criteria known as The Process of Elimination. Mountain Men would achieve the most important effect any name can produce: frightening your opponents. Don't bend down for that grounder, Rufus! The logo would be a treat, too. This ought to be the winning entry, but Mike Green, who found the link, is probably right that they'll go with Primaries and save on T-shirt costs.
To my mind, the choice is simple:
1. Fisher Cats is one of those lame minor-league names that think they're cool because they contain the words "Cats," "Swamp" or "Rock." And what is a Fisher Cat, anyway? Cats eat fish, dammit.
2. Granite is the latest example of the craze that swept the 1980s: collective-noun names! Pioneered by the Chicago Blitz and since copied by the likes of Heat, Lightning, Avalanche and other unpleasant weather phenomena, it's also lame. And a team called the Granite doesn't inspire visions of exciting, first-to-third baserunning.
3. Millers? Please. Will the logo be a bunch of guys in a pulp and paper mill with lumberjack jackets and numerous diseases? Or maybe a delightful carciacture of Hal Linden? Outside of the obvious brewery tie-in, this is way lame.
4. Primaries -- been there, rejected that. We've covered in detail why it's not a good idea to name your team after a quadrennial political event, but considering recent strategies by some U.S. presidential candidates to bypass the Iowa caucus altogether, the New Hampshire Primary itself may be an endangered species. Extinct names are super-lame.
5. Mountain Men is the obvious choice, and not only because of that hallowed judging criteria known as The Process of Elimination. Mountain Men would achieve the most important effect any name can produce: frightening your opponents. Don't bend down for that grounder, Rufus! The logo would be a treat, too. This ought to be the winning entry, but Mike Green, who found the link, is probably right that they'll go with Primaries and save on T-shirt costs.
