I went to the game last night because I wanted to see A.J. Burnett pitch. I got my wish.
Pre-game: today is the day!
I didn't realize that today was The Day: the first 10,000 fans were to be given a vial of Chacin cologne.
For the record, Chacin (the cologne) is made from alcohol denat, parfum, propylene glycol, and aqua. It comes with its own disclaimer:
Use only as directed. The user of this product assumes all liability in connection with its use and/or misuse and releases Tri-Star Promotions and Leslie Cosmetics, THE FAN 590, Rogers Blue Jays Baseball Partnership and its corporate affiliates from all liability in connection therewith.
That kinda spoils the mood, methinks.
By the way, yesterday was a red-letter day for me for goodies: at the restaurant at which I ate dinner, they were giving away free samples of Broker's London Dry Gin. When I told them I hated gin with a passion, they gave me a free "French letter", which turned out to be a LifeStyles condom enclosed in a matchbook cover (caption: "Open For Safety"). The inside of the matchbook cover contained a recipe for a drink called The Lubricator:
1 part Broker's Gin
1 part espresso
8 parts steamed milk
1 part chocolate syrup
top with whipped cream
serve hot
Egad.
The roof was closed last night, trapping all of the day's humidity. This is usually conducive to balls flying out of the park. (Today's fascinating fact: there have been 129 home runs hit at Rogers Centre this year, as compared to only 68 at Coors Field.)
A pre-game ad featured Andre Rieu and the Johann Strauss Orchestra. I would not have thought that there was much overlap between baseball fans and orchestra lovers, but I am not a marketing expert, so what do I know? Another scoreboard promotion informed us that MLB is joining in the fight against skin cancer. Great idea, but what a bummer to read if you're about to spend an afternoon in the sun (especially if you forgot to bring sunscreen).
A.J. Burnett - who received a nice hand from the early birds down the third base line - has a highly ritualized warmup. He starts by slowly rotating his arms in a horizontal circle. Then, he stretches. Then, he starts lightly throwing on flat ground under the eagle eye of Brad Arnsberg (who is, no doubt, trying to conceal a certain apprehension). Then, and only then, does he retire to the bullpen to begin throwing in earnest.
Other Jays begin warming up around this time as well: Aaron Hill and Russ Adams play catch, and then run backwards and sideways to limber up. (Hill can run faster backwards than I can forwards.) Vernon Wells lies flat on his back, arms spread out as if he is about to be crucified, while a trainer stretches his legs this way and that.
The scoreboard's opening montage, intercutting pictures of the Jays with footage of the city of Toronto, always makes me feel a bit wistful. Toronto is my home, and I love it, even if various Canadian politicians and nine-tenths of the citizens of Canada loathe it.
The Jays' starting lineup is now the Topps Starting Lineup. Sigh. As our hometown nine take the field, the sound system is pumping out some serious loud thrash music. You can see A.J. putting on his game face as he warms up.
Top 1st
Mr. Burnett is clearly out to send a message to his fans and/or his doubters. His first pitch to Alfonso Soriano zips in at 96 miles an hour, and he's throwing nothing but strikes. It takes him six pitches, all strikes, to get out of the inning.
Soriano is booed lustily when he comes to the plate. I'm okay with this, but I'm not sure why he's being singled out for this abuse. Did I miss something?
The very idea of the Washington Nationals makes me sad. (I was a member of the Young Expo Fan Club in 1970.)
Bottom 1st
Patrons are continuing to arrive, which suggests a decline in time-management skills. Some of the fans, barely approaching middle age, are having obvious difficulty making their way up the steep fifth-deck stairs. It might be a good idea for the Jays to station Mikey defibrillators somewhere at the top of the fifth deck, as eventually some poor heart, clogged by nachos and couch potatory, will give in from the strain.
The Jays are more popular now than they used to be, which means it's harder to find an isolated place to watch the game. I wind up having to move three sections over to find a place by myself. (I wouldn't want to be the beneficiary of the Home Hardware Seat Upgrade: I like being on my own, and you'd lose a half-inning while being escorted from your old seat to your new one.)
Frank Catalanotto would be hitting .400 if the ballpark was rotated about 30 degrees counterclockwise: during his first at-bat, he sends about four screaming fouls down the third-base side before finally grounding out on a 40-foot dribbler.
Troy Glaus is in a slump: he reported for duty today hitting only .248. I'm wondering whether his decline started when he hurt his back in a collision with Aaron Hill.
Davey Lopes, now a Milwaukee coach, looks old. Yikes.
Top 2nd
Burnett is consistently painting the black with 95 mph fastballs. The last pitcher I saw who could consistently hit his spots, with pitches that were that fast, was Juan Guzman at his peak. Of Burnett's first 20 pitches, 16 are strikes. Normally, anything above 60% strikes is excellent.
The three sections of the fifth deck that are behind home plate are now completely full. This means that the poor beer sellers have to trudge all the way up the stairs and then all the way back down, over and over again. Perhaps they will need Mikey defibrillators. One luckless beer guy has to trudge all the way back up the stairs when one patron demands all of his change. That's cruel.
Bottom 2nd
More groups are still arriving. I guess there was a larger-than-expected walkup crowd, given that it was a Tuesday against Washington. And everybody has to have their tickets checked and bags inspected.
Royce Clayton makes a nice diving stop of a shot hit by Bengie Molina. Clayton has time to get up, dust himself off a bit, set, throw, and retire Molina. I am 46 years old and have cranky knees, but I wonder whether I could beat Bengie in a foot race.
The usher in my section is startlingly dedicated. When Aaron Hill comes up, she exhorts the crowd to yell "Hill" after she yells "Aaron". (Or perhaps we're to yell "hit" - I'm way at the back, so I can't quite tell.)
I'm still startled by how much the fans are into the game these days. There is loud applause when Hill works the count to 3-2, and even louder applause when Hill takes the 3-2 pitch and hooks it just over the left field wall. It's 2-0 for the good guys.
Between-innings promotion: the first three fans to text "Gustavo Chacin" into their cell-phones win a Gus-autographed ball. See? Mrs. Snavely's touch typing class was worth it after all!
Top 3rd
I am very dumb: at first, I couldn't figure out why someone would put up a banner reading "HE'S BA-AC". WTF? Now, as the third inning begins, the banner reads "HE'S BA-ACKK". Oh, of course: what a clever idea! I am now much less worried about the future of my species (though I am worried about my own declining mental faculties).
Burnett is still throwing 96 mph fastballs. He gives up occasional singles up the middle, but he's getting out of each inning with very little effort. It's taken him 33 pitches to get through three innings, all but seven of which have been strikes.
Bottom 3rd
Is Rios pressing a bit? Before I can determine an answer to this question, he hits a sharp ground ball to third. Zimmerman makes a nice stop, but then airmails the throw about eight feet over Nick Johnson's head. It's scored an error, rather than a single and an error; some hometown scorers would have given Alex a hit for that.
Boston leads 3-1 over the Mets. Jeez, guys: help us out here.
Glaus ends the inning with a double play. Gulp. I guess he is in a slump.
Between innings, Da King wishes Tim a happy 30th birthday.
Top 4th
Base hit, double play, ground out. Five pitches, no sweat.
Bottom 4th
The Rogers Centre has introduced a new promotion, the Sub Race. A first-deck row and a fifth-deck row are given large mockups of subs, and are instructed to pass the "sub" down the row. The object is to reach the end of the row; whichever row gets there first wins free subs.
Alfonso Soriano muffs Shea Hillenbrand's liner to left; hilarity ensues.
A woman sitting three rows below me is reading, while her young husband scans the crowd with binoculars. Two innings ago, they were cuddling. I'm not certain of the long-term future of this relationship.
Top 5th
A between-innings shot of some of the food available for sale in the first deck, including burritos. We in the fifth deck have the choice of pizza, hot dogs, or a Mr. Sub. Moral: them that has, gets. (By the way, if you want a pre-game burrito, don't buy it at the park: go to Burrito Boyz on Peter near Richmond. You can thank me later.)
Burnett needs nine pitches to get through this inning, including an 86 mph changeup, which I don't recall seeing before. (86 mph changeup? Somewhere, en route to Syracuse, Josh Towers quietly weeps.) A.J.'s pitch count is now 11 balls, 36 strikes, 47 total.
Bottom 5th
The game is proceeding quite zippily. The Jays aren't hitting much, but I have the feeling that they don't need to. The Nationals don't look like they're going to get anything off Burnett.
Catalanotto hits yet another line shot to left - this one looks lethal, as it screams into the second row just past the dugout. Luckily, no one appears to be hurt.
Ortiz has needed 85 pitches to get through 5 innings. This is because Ortiz is not pitching like Superman.
The World's Fastest Ground Crew emerges from the left-field corner, serenaded by the same Lone Ranger theme that accompanied them 20 years ago. The nice thing about baseball is that some things never change.
The Mets have closed to within one, and have two on and ancient Julio Franco up. Come on! Strike a blow for the middle-aged everywhere!
Top 6th
When Alfonso Soriano comes to bat, I am conflicted by divided loyalties. Because I am a Jays fan, I want to see Soriano smartly returned to the dugout. But Alfonso is on my NL Roto team, so I want him to pile up numbers. I get the best possible result when Soriano hits a harmless six-hopper up the middle, but dies on third base.
The called third strike to Johnson is Burnett's 59th pitch, of which 46 have been strikes. The upper-deck banner now reads HE'S BA-ACKKKKK. (With the last K reversed. I don't think there is a special character for this in HTML. There should be.)
Bottom 6th
Lyle Overbay sends a shot screaming to right. It's always wonderful to watch the outfielders give up on the ball. 3-0, and that should be more than enough for Mr. Burnett this evening.
Top 7th
Somebody in the video booth has been working overtime: the scoreboard features pseudo-grainy footage of Burnett efficiently disposing of Nationals, interspersed with shots of the HE'S BA-ACKKKK banner. Nice job, whoever is responsible.
The scoreboard features a huge TSN ad. They're paying customers, but they are Rogers Sportsnet's competition. Go figure.
Burnett, still at 94 mph, catches Zimmerman looking. I suspect that one run would have been enough today.
It's fascinating to watch the infielders converge on a high popup. It's as if the earth has been warped by the equivalent of the Pinch tool in Photoshop; everybody is suddenly moving towards a single point. The pitcher's job in this case is to direct traffic: Molina is instructed to catch the ball, despite his relative lack of mobility, and accomplishes the job successfully.
Boston is now winning 5-2. Gack.
Marlon Anderson tries to bunt. This is futile; eventually, he fulfills his destiny and strikes out. Burnett is now at 71 pitches: 55 strikes, 16 balls.
Bottom 7th
Clayton boots a ground ball hit by Hill. I pity baseball fans in the greater Washington area - they have the choice of watching two baseball teams, both of which are pretty freaking awful.
In Adams' at-bat, Gibbons puts the hit and run on twice. I like Gibbons as a manager, but he sometimes manages as if he's playing a baseball game on his Xbox - he can't go too long without pushing one of the buttons on his controller.
Washington's manager, Frank Robinson, actually brings in a right-handed reliever to pitch to Catalanotto, who bats left. John Gibbons would rather appear in public without his pants than do that. Cat walks, which proves Gibbons' point, I guess.
One of the joys of watching the Jays is that they're so patient at the plate now. All of them, that is, except Hillenbrand. It's too late to change him: trying to get him to be patient is like trying to wash the spots off a leopard.
Highlight footage of the Sox-Mets game: two of the Boston runs were gifted by rookie Met left fielder Lastings Milledge, who hasn't quite figured out how to play the Green Monster. Sigh. Dear Baseball Gods: you gave the Red Sox the 2004 series. They don't need anything else for a while, thank you. At least Atlanta is still beating the Yankees.
Top 8th
Burnett is still at 94 mph. It takes him 11 pitches to retire the side, which actually seems like a lot now. 82 pitches so far: 63 balls, 19 strikes. A chronicler's dilemma: disposing of the opposition efficiently leaves very little to write about.
Bottom 8th
By now, the home at-bats are almost meaningless diversions. Everybody wants to see A.J. get up there and own the Nationals once more.
Hillenbrand walks. On four pitches. Is this a portent of the Last Times?
Molina gets a base hit, and then Hill hits one down the left field. A fan touches the ball while it is still in play, and gets booed. No worries, though: Molina wasn't going to score on the play.
Pitching change. The scoreboard plays a "there's no place like home" video montage of Jays doing well at the Rogers Centre, which is kind of cool. The FAN 590 guys come on again, talking about Chacin cologne; their next project, apparently, is Troy Lip Glaus. Booo.
Adams looks eager to face the Nationals' new pitcher, Bray, who walks Russ on four pitches. This brings up Rios with the bases loaded; when Marlon Byrd gets a bad jump on Rios's soft liner to centre, two runs score. It's now 6-0; that's all she wrote.
Top 9th
Between-innings footage is of the Jays' Cy Young winners: Hentgen, Clemens, and Halladay. It's weird to see footage of Roger in a Jays uniform, given that he has tried his best to expunge his Jays years from his official history. It's like seeing pictures of Trotsky before Stalin obliterated every mention of him in Soviet records.
Burnett gets a huge ovation on arrival; he probably didn't get that much fan-love in Florida, where there were hardly ever any fans. What is that tattoo he has on the back of his neck?
Speaking of tattoos: the scoreboard shows a shot of a man with a huge Jays tattoo on his chest. It's a pity it's of the old Ash-era logo.
Burnett gets two outs, and a couple sitting near me leaves to beat the traffic. Some people have no soul.
One ground-out later, and it's over. Burnett has required 92 pitches to dispose of the Nationals, of which 70 were strikes and 22 balls. Halladay will now need to shut them out on 91 pitches or less to keep his bragging rights. He might just do it.
Overall
I think that the Jays are one pitcher short of contention this year. But the leap from mediocrity to contention wasn't going to take place all at once: the gap between the Jays and the big boys was too great. But this year is an important first step: because fan interest has increased, the Jays can afford the larger payroll they now have. Everybody is signed for next year, so they should be able to take that final step then.
And here's a cheering thought: if the season were to end today, the Yankees wouldn't be in the postseason either. Ha ha, George Steinbrenner. Ha ha, Alex Rodriguez. Ha ha.
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20060628110130215