Jordan raises the issue of M*A*S*H in his latest Minor League Update (a show that managed to never "jump the shark," incidentally) which leads, as you might guess, to an All-M*A*S*H Hall of Names team quest.
We've used movies (All-Grease) and T.V. Shows (All-Sesame Street, All-Simpsons) as the basis for the Hall of Names before, but this is the first time we're going to a franchise that was both a classic movie AND a classic TV show.
We'll focus on the main characters and their last names -- Pierce, McIntyre, Blake, Potter, Houlihan, Burns, Winchester, O'Reilly, Hunnicutt, Klinger and Mulcahy. And in a few cases, we'll give a little bit of spelling leeway ...
For instance, while itt's true that Radar's last name was actually "O'Reilly," nobody with that name has ever played big league ball; besides, did you know that in the movie that spawned the TV show, Hot Lips' last name was "O'Houlihan"? So we have precedent for dropping the "O'."
Also, BJ's last name in the show was spelled "Hunnicutt" but given the paucity of major leaguers with that last name, we'll allow the alternate spelling; there's also never been a Houlihan (never mind an O'Houlihan) of any spelling. But with cast regulars Pierce, Blake, Potter and Burns around, we ought to be okay without resorting to the various supporting players.
For instance, it would be easy to fill out the roster just going to original movie/show Swamp resident Captain "Spearchucker" Jones, who the series writers got rid of -- appropriately enough -- after only the fifth episode of the TV series when they discovered that there had never been a black surgeon in the Korean War. As for the movie, we'd like to include Lt. Maria "Dish" Schneider. the nurse who saved dentist "Painless" Waldowski from committing suicide. (Hence the TV show's theme song, "Suicide is Painless.") Alas, there has never been a Waldowski to make it to the major leagues.
Previous related Hall of Names teams: Keeping Up With the Joneses, Bern, Baby Burn.
So meet ...
THE SWAMP THINGS
MGR Tom Burns (187-170 in 1890s)
ROTATION
LHSP Billy Pierce* (211-169, 1945-64)
RHSP Hugh "Losing Pitcher" Mulcahy (46-89, 1935-47)
LHSP Britt Burns* (70-60 career)
RHSP Bob Klinger (66-61, 1938-47)
RHSP John "Sheriff" Blake (87-102, 1920-31, '37)
BULLPEN
CL-LH Rick Honeycutt* (109-143; 10 years SP, 11 years RP; 38 saves)
RHRP Scott Winchester (1997-2001)
LHRP Pete Burns (19-36 for five teams 1955-63)
LHRP Ray Pierce (7-11, 1924-26)
LONG-RH Nels Potter (92-97, 1936-49)
LINEUP
C Brian Schneider (.252 through 2004)
1B Jack Pierce (.211, 1973-75)
2B Gracie Pierce (.186, 1882-84)
SS Oyster Burns (.300, 1884-95)
3B Casey Blake (.261 through 2004)
LF Long John Reilly (.289, 1880-91)
CF Andruw Jones* (Similars: Ruben Sierra, Jesse Barfield)
RF Matty McIntyre (.269, 1901-12)
DH Chipper Jones* (.304, 310 homers though 2004)
There is no bench, although I'd be happy to take suggestions ... hey, the brave men and women of the 4077th hardly ever got any backup help; why should these guys?
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20050521155100100