This is the last pretend game. Next time, it's for real.
And about time, say all of us.
Today, let us amuse ourselves in the following manner. Let us make sure everyone on the team has a nickname worthy of them. Something worth cheering and yelling about.
We've obviously made a start, but there is still much to do.
This is important work, and you don't want to leave it up to the ball club. Two reasons: a) they have better things to do; b) they tend to suck at this sort of thing.
You realize that Reed Johnson is known as "Reeder" around the clubhouse; that back in the day, John Olerud was called "Olie." How lame is that? They call Alex Rios "Lexy" - which is what Liam and I call him when we're watching on TV - but Bauxites can do better than that. Of this I have no doubt whatsoever.)
Anyway, between the Jays and the Box, a fair bit of the roster is covered. Behind the plate, you'll find Going Going Zaun and Crash. The O-Dog is on second, and Thrillhouse is at short. V-Dub roams centre; in left Sparky and the F-Cat will platoon. Mighty-Mini-Me-Mouse will be back.
Doc Halladay anchors the rotation; El Artista is the closer. Getting the ball from one to the other will be the work of Jay Spy the Setup Guy. The Hawaiian Punch-Out made the team, and so did Yo! Vinnie.
And so did Gus the Polar Bear.
OK, I might have made up a few of those just now.
By the way, don't you think Gus the Polar Bear should be pitching when Ricky and Willy and Bubbles are in the house? It seems right to me...
Still, we need more. Hinske! Hillenbrand! Gross! Rios! Bush! Lilly! Schoeneweis! Frasor! Walker!
A word of caution - these must be names that please us and encourage the players. If we come up with disparaging names, we will be rewarded with discouraging performance. This is Simply the Way of Things. It is an immutable law of baseball; one of the subsets of "don't mess with a winning streak." Ever. Ever ever ever.
If you don't understand that, you don't understand nothing. The team will lose. And it will all be your fault.
So be nice, be funny, and let's get this important work done.
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20050402011342685