I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
-- "How Soon Is Now" by The Smiths, © 1985
As we learned on Tuesday, where Baseball's Hall of Names is concerned, it's not all that hard Keeping Up with the Joneses. Ah, but could a team composed completely of ballplayers bearing the name of ashamed motel attendees all over North America, do just that?
The early guess here would have been that a team of all Smiths would take (and perhaps sweep) the Jones season series, 18-1 or 17-2 (they play so often because they are both members of the Generic Name Central Division). But a closer look suggests just a 10-9 or 11-8 advantage to the Smith Boys.
Let's see.
While our Jones team had only 90 potential players, a total of 141 Smiths have played in the mahor leagues -- not including Mike Smithson, Stephen Smitherman or Roger Smithberg. We have at our disposal two Hall of Famers and eight other players who made at least one All-Star team. And unlike the Joneses, we have an actual catcher, not just some guy who caught one inning once (although to be fair, Dave C. provided a viable starting alternative for a Jones backstop from Negro League history who did not appear in BBRef).
There are two guys identfied just as "Smith" from ninetheenth century play; each was a pitcher who made one start (and they combined for 15 total innings, with one tossing nine frames but apparently not a complete game) and each failed to register a MLB decision.
There have been three Als (two of whom were All-Stars) and an Aleck, four Bills and two Billys, four Bobs, two Bobbys and a Bobby Gene, two Charlies one Charley and a Chuck, two Dans, three Daves, three Dicks (keep it to yourselves, kindergartners) but zero Ricks or Richards, three Earls, two Eds, three Edgars and an Eddie, three Franks, three Freds, three Georges, four Harrys, three Hals, three Jacks and a Jake, one Jim and one Jimmy, three Johns, two Keiths, a Lee and a Leo, two Marks, four Mikes, an Ollie and an Ozzie, two Petes, four Reds and a Rex, two Roys, two Toms and a Tommy, and two Willies and a Wally.
As Mike Green pointed out in the All-Jones thread, " If you're stuck with a name like Jones or Wilson, a boffo first name or nickname is just the ticket." And there aren't many names as much "like Jones" as Smith, so as you might expect, there are plenty of colourful first names and nicknames -- although the signal-to-noise ratio compared to the Joneses is surprisingly low:
You've got Bud, Bull, Carr, Germany (who deserved mention in our All-Geography Bee team a while back, Happy, Heinie, Klondike, Mayo, Paddie, Phenomenal, Pop and Pop-Boy (although both have the proper name Charles, they are not listed in a supposedly exhaustive list of MLB fathers and sons), Rufus, Sherry, Skyrocket, Stub and Wib (apparently short for Wilbur).
What a great temporary sideshow exhibit for Baseball's Hall of Names! But about that All-Smith Team ... here's one hack's whack at the All-Smith lineup
* indicates former All-Star selection
** indicates member of Baseball Hall of Fame
Front Office: Astros President Tal Smith
MGR: It almost has to be Mayo Smith who had a career mark 662-612 at the big league helm, including a nifty 1968 World Series title; then again, consider the other options out there (career managerial record is indicated parenthetically): Bill J. Smith (0-5), Harry T.Smith (23-54); Heinie Smith (5-27), Don't hold the Mayo in this case!
Loudmouth beat reporter (crossover sports category): Stephen A. Smith
Trainer: Dr. Zachary Smith ("Oh, the pain! The pain!")
STARTING LINEUP
C Hal Smith* (.270/13/50 for '59 STL)
1B Ken Smith (.268 for '81-'83 ATL; third overall pick of '76 draft)
2B Billy E. Smith (.232 from 1975-81 with CAL, BAL, SFG)
SS Ozzie Smith** (13 straight Gold Glovss)
3B Charley Smith (three double-digit homer seasons in 1960s)
RF Reggie Smith* (314 homers second all-time among switch-hitters)
CF Dwight Smith (runner-up to teammate Jerome Walton for '89 ROY with CHC)
LF Elmer J. Smith (.910 OPS, 103 RBI for '20 WS Champs CLE, )
DH Lonnie Smith* (1488 hits in 17 seasons)
BENCH
C Syd Smith (in and out of MLB, 1908-1915)
MID IF Fred V. Smith (.226 in four years, mostly with BUF, BKLYN in Fed League)
COR IF JC "Red" Smith (1087 hits, 117 SB in nine years; career 119 OPS+)
OF Al E. Smith* (.272, 164 homers in 12 years)
OF "Wonderful" Willie Smith (also LHRP in 29 games, ERA+ 110)
PH Mark E. Smith (1994-2003, .243/32/130)
ROTATION
RHSP Hilton Smith** (credited with 12 straight 20-win seasons for KC Monarchs)
LHSP Elmer E. Smith (34- and 22-win seasons for 1887-88 CIN)
RHSP Frank "Piano Mover" Smith (139-111, 64 wins for 1907-09 CHW)
LHSP Sherry Smith (114-118, four 10+ win seasons)
LHSP Zane Smith (100-115, four 10+ win seasons)
OR
LHSP Al J. Smith* (99-101, six 10+ win seasons)
BULLPEN
CL Lee Smith* (478 career saves)
SET Dave Smith* (216 career saves)
RHRP Frank T. Smith (35-33, 44 saves, mostly with CIN in '50s)
LHRP "Columbia" George Smith (41-81 in eight seasons, 1916-23)
RH SWING Bryn Smith (108-94, 18-5 for '86 MTL)
LH SWING Eddie Smith* (73-113, seven 10+ win seasons)
Okay folks, where can we make improvements? Let's ... wordsmith ... this together.
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20050115111018999