Dear George,
I hope you don't mind the informality of this letter, but I really feel that I know you after watching all of those Seinfeld reruns.
George, you and I both know that what cost you the chance to go to the World Series was the ill-advised punkery of Alex Rodriguez in game six. Now, can you really have A-Rod back on your team next year? What if you get to game six again and he costs you the series two years in a row? Or even worse, what if he does something like that in the World Series? You'd be a laughing stock, George.
Not only do you have to eliminate that possibility, you have to punish the man responsible for doing it to you the first time around. Well, George, luckily for you I have an appropriate solution: trade Alex Rodriguez to Toronto.
Can you picture it? How humiliating would it be to send him to a last place ball club?
Now, I know you're wondering why Toronto, specifically. After all, there are worse teams out there, and Toronto really hasn't stunk as bad as they did this year in a while. But think, George, if you sent A-Rod to Seattle or Arizona you'd lose the chance to witness his humiliation up close and personal. Look at your schedule -- Toronto's on there about a billion times next year. Can't you see him in your mind's eye with that angry bird on his hat? And what a silly bird it is, too -- I mean, it's a blue jay! They steal the eggs of other birds and make a lot of noise! Who wants to play on a team named after such a ridiculous bird? Plus he'd have to live in Toronto. That's where Prince lives, George.
Think about it. That's all I ask.
Sincerely,
Aaron Reynolds
a.k.a. Named For Hank
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20041021120215999