An Open Letter to Nomar Garciaparra

Friday, August 13 2004 @ 03:15 AM EDT

Dear Nomar,

You are at a great baseball crossroads right now. No doubt you will spend this winter trying to decide what path to take, and there will be a lot of people trying to influence your decision. I'd like to ask you to consider a path that may not even be on your radar screen right now: Toronto.

You're probably ready to stop reading this letter. You're probably asking yourself "Why do all the crackpots write to me? All Mia gets are wedding proposals!" Let me assure you that I am not wearing a tinfoil hat or Kleenex boxes on my feet. I will admit my bias: I am from Toronto and I am a fan of the Toronto Blue Jays, and have been for a long time.

The Blue Jays have had a terrible year, but brighter things are on the horizon. The team's drafting strategies seem poised to pay off in a big way over the coming seasons, but only the hardcore fans seem to know this. The man on the street has no idea. And unfortunately attendance has been pretty bad, and some of us fear that with Carlos Delgado potentially leaving the team at the end of the season that it will only get worse when the team loses its superstar, its hero, its heart and soul.

Here's the part where I ask you to take on that role.

The benefits to you are many, but I also realize that there will be penalties. In the interest of being upfront about it, I will list the downside first:

• You'll have to take a pay cut, probably a significant one. This could cut into your high style of living. Luckily, a lot of fans, like me, can help out there. For instance, you're always welcome to come over to my house and watch movies on my gigantic TV. I also have a killer sound system to go with it, if you're into that kind of thing. We could hang out and spin records and watch Apocalypse Now and the non-special edition Star Wars films on LaserDisc. And I'd be happy to treat you to dinner at Burger Shack whenever you felt like it. Mia would be invited too, unless she doesn't eat meat, then I'd pick a different place.
  

• Revenge! You'd be back in the AL East, and for the Jays to get anywhere they'd have to vault over the Boston Red Sox. They plan to do it with or without you, but wouldn't it be sweet to be a part of that?
  
  
• We'd pronounce your name properly. "Nomaaa Gaaseeyaapaaaaa" may have a certain amount of charm to it, but wouldn't you like to retake the name your parents gave you? Canadians, aside from Newfoundlanders, speak like television news anchors, which will guarantee that your name gets the pronunciation respect that it deserves.
  
  
• Canada has a long and rich tradition of putting absolutely anything on its coins. Seagulls, boats, polar bears, drawings by children, old British people -- they've all been on our money. Now, this is not for sure, but I know some people and I could make a strong effort to have you replace (temporarily, to create a collector's market) the moose on the quarter. You and the Queen would have to work it out between the two of you who'd be tails, though.
  
  
• Varsity Stadium is being rebuilt as a world class soccer facility, so your new bride will have somewhere to train. And, as the 90,000 fans over two days who showed up at SkyDome to watch some exhibition matches should tell you, we like our soccer up here. Our Canadian women's junior team draws better television ratings than Sunday Night Baseball, though that might be a sore point between you and your wife if you're competitive like that.
  
  
• Football season starts way earlier up here. Seriously, it's almost over!
  
  
• SkyDome has a hotel and two restaurants built into it. Why is this important? Well, you know how Roger Clemens made this deal with the Astros where he wouldn't have to go on every road trip so he could spend more time at home? How about this: you could live in the hotel and only leave home for your at-bats and to take the field in the top of each inning. If you and Mia are planning on having children any time soon, you could be the ultimate stay-at-home dad.
  

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