I'm now convinced that whatever is afflicting the Blue Jays is not just bad luck. It wasn't the spate of injuries that sold me, though they provide the supporting evidence. It wasn't the end of Iron Man Tom Cheek's legendary broadcasting streak.
What convinced me?
The Cheer Club are dropping like flies due to injury. I linked my own groin strain to an overzealous attempt to learn how to play golf on my holiday. I chalked up the pain in my back to the same incident when it arrived a week later. But I got an e-mail this morning from Bird Droppings, our intrepid Cheer Club drummer, saying that he tore something in his shoulder and cannot drum, explaining his absence over the last homestand.
Well, that proves it, folks: someone has placed a bona fide curse on our beloved Toronto Blue Jays. Now I'm not going to try to figure out who did it, because if syndicated television has taught me anything it's that curses are awfully hard to trace. But what I am going to try to do is fight it, and I need your help for that.
I am not an experienced curse fighter, but syndicated television has also taught me that the second best way to end a curse is to appeal to the god or gods who are overseeing the curse, and in this case that means the Baseball Gods.
I need some assistance in this matter. Firstly, we must gather at a temple to the Baseball Gods. Luckily for those of us in Toronto, I believe that the SkyDome counts. Specifically, I think we should make a pilgrimage to the Level of Excellence before one or all of the home games next week and make an offering of 11 items before the banner of the mighty George Bell.
So, I need 11 suggestions (and remember, they have to be things that we can bring into SkyDome, so no booze, no glass bottles, and no fire) and I need a bunch of people to perform the ceremony with me.
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20040618094124999