Bachelor of Science. (What, you had something else in mind? Tsk.)
Given that two of the most popular "B" given first names, Bill and Bob, are actually short for names that begin with other letters (W as in William and R as in Robert), we will choose to ... um, ease up ... on standard Hall of Names rules and focus this team on the initials of the names the players actually went by ...
So while our only Hall of Famer is an honest-to-goodness birth certificate B.S. (well -- sort of; did you realize that Bruce Sutter's given first name is Howard?), just about every other player of recognized (All-Star) note was a Bill or Bob[by]. Regardless of that, let's see what we can come up with for this team, not called the Bulls (that belongs to Durham and would lead to unfortunate "Can these Bulls hit?" jokes) but rather, let's meet ...
Complete and Utter B.S.
** indicates Hall of Famer
* indicates All-Star
COACHING STAFF
Player/Manager Billy Southworth (1044-704, four flags, two titles, 1929, '40-51)
Player/Coach Burt Shotton (697-764, two flags, 1928-34, '47-50)
Coach Bill Sharsig (238-216, 1886, '88-91 PHA)
Coach Bill Shettsline (367-303, 1898-1902 PHI)
Coach William "Buck" Showalter (882-833, 1992-95, '98-2000; '03-06)
LINEUP
C Benito Santiago* (.263, 217 homers, 1986-2005)
1B Bill Skowron* (.282, 211 homers, 1954-67)
2B Bill Joh. Sweeney (.272, 1907-14)
SS Bill Spiers (.271, 1989-2001; also 3B/2B)
3B Bill Stein (.267, 1972-85; also 2B/UTIL)
LF Bob Skinner* (.277, 103 homers, 1954-66)
CF Billy Southworth (.297, 138 SB, 1913-27, '29)
RF Burt Shotton (.271, 293 SB, 1909-23)
DH B.J. Surhoff* (.282, 141 homers, 1987-2005; OF/C/3B/1B)
BENCH
C Bill Schroeder (.240, 1983-90)
C/1B/3B Billy J. Sullivan Jr. (.289, 1931-42, '47)
SS/IF Bobby Sturgeon (.257, 1940-42, '46-48)
OF Bill Sharp (.255, 1973-76)
OF Bobby Gene Smith (.243, 1957-65)
1B Bill Sudakis (.234, 59 homers, 1968-75)
ROTATION
RHSP Bob Shawkey (196-150, 1913-27)
RHSP Bret Saberhagen* (167-117, 1984-2001)
LHSP Bobby Shantz* (119-99, 1949-64)
RHSP Ben Sheets* (71-73 with MIL since 2001)
RHSP Bill C. Swift (94-78, 1985-98; 21-8 in '93)
BULLPEN
CL-RH Bruce Sutter** (300 saves, 1976-88)
RH-SET Bob Stanley* (115-97, 132 saves, 1977-89)
LH-SET Bill Scherrer (8-10, 11 saves, 1982-88; 10 saves in '83)
RH-LONG Bob Shaw* (108-98, 1957-67)
LH-LONG Bob Shirley (67-94, 18 saves, 1977-87)
JUST SOME MORE B.S. NOTES ... The biggest "name" to not make the squad -- that that's not to suggest he was the best player -- is OF Billy Sunday, a .248 career hitter in eight seasons as an OF from 1883-90; Sunday was better known in his second career, as a colorful early-20th-century evangelist, and that's no B.S.! ...
There's no dearth of managers who bore the B.S. label proudly; in addition to Southworth, Shotton, Showalter and those listed above on the "coaching staff," we also could have given a spot to Bob Scheffing (418-427, 1957-59 CHC, '61-63 DET), Bob Skinner (92-123, 1968-69 PHI, '77 SDP; he makes the team as a player, though), Bob Swift (56-43, 1965-66 DET), "Bo" Strickland (first name George; 48-63, 1964, '66 CLE), Bob Schaefer (6-12, 1991, 2005 KCR), Bob Shawkey (86-68, 1930 NYY), Billy J. Sullivan Sr. (78-74, 1909 Chicago White Sox) and Bill J. Smith (0-5, 1873 Baltimore Marylands) ... At least Sullivan's son made the team ... And speaking of Smith there at the end, he was the first of no less than six Bill/Billy Smiths to grace the big leagues; there have also been a half-dozen Bob/Bobby Smiths ...
You want to call "B.S." on a trade or three? Look no further than a couple of late cuts from our pitching staff, as RHSP Blake Stein (21-28, 1998-2002) was part of the package OAK acquired for Mark McGwire, then turned around and made part of the package for RHSP Kevin Appier ... But that's nothing compared to one of the all-time dud deals, in which NYY acquired LHRP Bob Sykes (23-26, 1977-81) from STL, even up for a minor league OF named Willie McGee ...
Yes, ex-Mariner Bill C. Swift grabs the fifth starter's spot, edging out Blue Jay original Bill Singer* (118-127, 1964-77) and, that's right, namesake Bill V. Swift (95-82, 1932-43) ... Maybe RHSP Bill Stoneman* (54-85, 1967-74) can be the General Manager ... Other notable B.S. hurlers not to make the squad include, among many others, RHSP Bob E. Smith (106-139, 1925-37), RHRP Barney Schultz (20-20, 25 saves, 1955, '59-65), RHSP Bryn Smith (108-94, 1981-93), RHSP Bill Stafford (43-40, 1960-67), LHSP Brent Strom (22-39, 1972-73, '75-77) and a couple of active lefty relievers in Bobby Seay (1-1, 1 save, parts of 2001-07) and Brian Shackelford (2-0, 2005-06 CIN) ...
Gosh, what is it about catchers with these initials? (There must be a good "tools of ignorance" B.S. line here, but I don't see it.) Seriously, in addition to Santiago, clearly best of the lot, and his backup Schroeder, not to mention the younger Sullivan -- who also played some corner infield -- making the team, other options included an All-Star in Bob Schmidt* (.243, 1958-65), the still-active Brian Schneider (.252 since 2000 with MON/WSH), Bob Swift (.231, 1940-53) -- who would have formed an interesting battery with either of the Bill Swift hurlers (presumably a B. Swift/B.Swift battery would work a quick game!) and a couple of less-famous brothers in Bobby Schang (.188, 1914-15, '27), who was Wally's brother and Billy Shantz (.257, 1954-55, '60), who was Bobby's (Shantz's not Schang's) brother ...
That's all we've got. Does this tearn a B.S. with honors?
