Well, in this case, Mr. McGwire, because it's fun(derburk) ... and there have been a whole bunch of really fine Marks to don big league uniforms; wait until you get a load of the pitching staff.
In fact, at least 13 Marks have been named to All-Star teams at some point, and we can fill out this Hall-Mark roster with plenty of other options.
Let's assume you know who the All-Stars and the active players are (four of the 13 All-Stars are still active, too); others will get brief parenthetical biographical notes.
It's a shockingly weak outfield -- we sure could use that Winfield guy -- and only as good as it is (which isn't very) because we move our most versatile utilityman from the bench into CF full time. Ugh.
With apologies to a whole host of undoubtedly fine players who struggled through various travails to reach the majors, we are ignoring anyone who spent just one season in the bigs. But we still have plenty of options left for ...
The Hall-Mark Hall of Names
Note: nobody named "Mark" has ever managed at the big league level, though perhaps Mr. Grace will change that one day, but for now this club is in the capable hands of co-managers Mark Connor, the former Yankee pitching coach and Mark Wiley, the former Oriole pitching coach.
*indicates All-Star
** indicates Hall of Famer (there are none)
# indicates active player
LINEUP
C Mark L. Johnson #
1B Mark Grace*
2B Mark Ellis #
SS Mark Koenig (.279, 1925-36)
3B Mark Loretta* #
LF Mark Quinn (.282, 45 homers, 1999-2002)
CF Mark McLemore (.259, 1986-2004)
RF Mark Whiten (.255, 105 homers, 1990-2000)
DH Mark McGwire*
BENCH
C Mark Parent (.214, 1986-98)
COR IF Mark Teixeira #
MID IF Mark Lemke (.246, 1988-98)
OF Mark Little #
UTIL Mark DeRosa #
UTIL Mark Grudzielanek*#
ROTATION
RHSP Mark Prior*#
LHSP Mark Mulder*#
RHSP Mark Fidrych*
LHSP Mark Buehrle*#
LHSP Mark Langston*
BULLPEN
CL Mark Wohlers* (RH)
RHRP Mark Clear*
LHRP Mark Davis*
RHRP Mark Littell (32-31, 56 saves, 1973-82)
LHRP Mark Thurmond (40-46, 21 saves, 1983-90)
MISSING THE MARK
LHSP Mark Hendrickson
LHSP Mark Redman
RHSP Mark Gubicza*
RHSP Mark Lemongello (22-38, 1976-79)
RHSP Mark Portugal (109-95, 1985-99)
RHSP Mark Thompson (18-24, 1994-2000)
RHRP Mark Eichhorn (48-43, 32 saves, 1982-96)
RHRP Mark Clark (74-71, 1991-2000)
RHRP Mark Dewey (12-7, 8 saves, 1990-96)
RHRP Mark Grant (22-32, 8 saves, 1984-93)
RHRP Mark Huismann (13-11, 11 saves, 1983-91)
RHRP Mark Hutton (9-7, 1993-98)
RHRP Mark Kiefer (5-1, 1 save, 1993-96)
RHRP Mark Knudson (24-29, 1985-93)
RHRP Mark Ross (2-2, 1 save, 1982-90)
RHRP Mark L. Lee (7-8, 9 saves, 1978-81)
RHRP Mark Leiter (65-73, 1990-2001)
RHRP Mark Petkovsek (46-28, 5 saves, 1991-2001)
RHRP Mark Wiley (2-3, 2 saves, 1975-78)
RHRP Mark Williamson (46-35, 21 saves, 1987-94)
LHRP Mark Guthrie (51-54, 14 saves, 1989-2003)
LHRP Mark O. Lee (5-5, 2 saves, 1988-95)
LHRP Mark Watson (1-1, 2000-03)
C Mark Dalesandro (.240, 1994-2001)
C Mark Salas (.247, 1984-91)
1B/OF Mark P. Johnson (.232, 1995-2002)
1B/OF Mark Sweeney #
SS/3B Mark Christman (.253, 1938-49)
SS Mark Wagner (.243, 1976-84)
3B/2B Mark Wasinger (.244, 1986-88)
3B Mark Teahen #
OF Mark Davidson (.225, 1986-91)
OF Mark Leonard (.227, 1990-95)
OF Mark Ryal (.211, 1982-90)
OF Mark E. Smith (.243, 1994-2003)
Gubicza is the only All-Star not to make the team, though you could easily flip him and Fidrych; alternatively, drop Littell from the bullpen and have Goobs around as the long man. Teixeira is a better hitter than the current starting 1B or 3B, and might be as good as the starting DH, so there's some question about leaving him on the bench -- but he's young yet.
Now, how can this team get, uh, better marks?
