We're not gonna make it, no no
We're not gonna make it
'Cuz we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time"
- "We're Not Going to Make It
by The Presidents of the United States of America
Okay, unless you've been -- well, let's not say "in a cave somewhere," even that has political undertones these days -- unaware, tomorrow the United States will begin the pre-recount, pre-lawsuit process of electing a new president. (Either way, presuming the popular vote matches the electoral result, it will be the first time elected for the victor.) And that brings us to the inevitable "Baseball Hall of Names" All-Presidential-Names team.
From (Claudell) Washington to (Guy) Bush, it's an interesting challenge; and if you ever wondered why U.S. presidents throw out the first pitch on Opening Day, keep an eye on the pitching staff that develops throughout this process. As for defense policy and (offensive) production jobs, this team might fall a little short. But there will be plenty of campaign promises of success in those areas.
THE RULES: We will begin by selecting a list of the best player in MLB history associated with the name of each president, then will attempt to build a roster from that list; this is similar to the approach we took with the All-Irish team announced on St. Patrick's Day 2003 (in which, ironically, we took a swipe at then-new-presidential darkhorse John Kerry).
Of course, the "one player per presidential name" rule opens the door for two Bushes, Johnsons, Roosevelts Harrisons, and even -- according to the official "numbering" system of U.S. presidents, two Clevelands. That's good news for this team -- not the Cleveland part -- since it means we can welcome arguably the greatest RHSP of all time AND arguably the greatest LHSP of all time to this team, in Walter and Randy Johnson(s). Told you we'd have a pretty nice pitching staff when we were done, and we're just getting started.
Additional rules: No first names ... sorry, Roosevelt Brown (the only "Roosevelt" ever to play MLB, actually) and Grant Balfour, with special regrets to the greatness of Hall of Famer Grover Cleveland Alexander. Also ... no alternate spellings -- if the challenger wins tomorrow, that's means still no spot on this team for Kerry Wood or for Andy Carey. Nobody with the surname "Kerry" has ever reached the majors, so no matter who wins tomorrow, we are dealing with a finite roster from George W(ashington) to George W. (Bush).
Would you believe that eleven U.S. presidents have had a surname never shared by a single big league ballplayer in the history of the sport? And though it hasn't happened sice the 1950's, the following non-comps were somehow elected into office: Eisenhower, Truman, Coolidge, both Roosevelts, Taft, McKinley, Arthur (sorry, Mr. Rhodes), Fillmore and Polk. Meanwhile, as mentioned above, there were two presidencies each represented by the names Bush, Roosevelt (um, given the above, that won't really help us, will it?), Harrison and, according to the way presidents are counted, Cleveland -- one man, two administrations.
So here, in order of appearance as president, are the very best major league ballplayers with last names fit for a commander-in-chief.
WASHINGTON
There have been seven Washingtons in MLB history, if you count designated pinch-runner Herb (and what do politicians do best? They run!) -- but just one of those seven ever achieved All-Star status. Claudell Washington had nearly 1,900 hits, spread across 17 seasons for seven teams. Perhaps the most notable thing about his career is that he was traded for the dads of two future Hall of Famers -- Ken Griffey Sr. and Bobby Bonds. Either way, this .278 career hitter slammed 169 homers and stole 312 bases and will be a very nice addition to this team. Appropriately, given his surname, he may even end up hitting leadoff.
We get to choose two players here, thanks to the presence of John and John Quincy on the presidential roster, the 18th and 19th-century precursors to George and George W. The only All-Star in the list of 30 candidates is RHSP Ace Adams (yep, that's his real name), who was 41-33 for the 1941-46 New York Giants and made a WWII All-Star squad. The best Adams, historically -- no, it's not Terry - - was Charles "Babe" Adams, another RHSP who cranked up a career mark of 194-139 in 18 seasons with Pirates after one game (and one loss) with 1906 Cardinals. He had two 20-win seasons and nine more in which he reached double figures in victories.
JEFFERSON
There have been three Jeffersons in MLB history, including an Original Jay ... Jesse Jefferson was just 39-81 in his nine-year career with five teams (22-46 with Toronto). And outfielder Stan Jefferson was briefly a highly-touted Met phenom who played 296 relatively innocuous games for the Mets, Padres, Orioles, Yankees and Indians. The clear leader in the Jefferson election is DH/1B/OF Reggie Jefferson,who retired after the 1999 season with a .300 career batting average mostly with Boston and Cleveland. We will see that, presidentially speaking, he is not the best Reggie in this clubhouse.
MADISON
Of the three Madisons to scuttle their way into MLB annals, the best, believe it or not, was probably 2B/SS/3B Art Madison, who hit .289 in 53 total games for 1895 Phillies and the 1899 Pirates. If we ever do an All-First-Lady team, remind me that Dolly Gray was a 20-game winner back in the '20s.
MONROE
Eight people named "Monroe" have made MLB rosters, but by our own rule, Monroe Mitchell is ineligible. That's all right, the best of the lot is current Detroit OF Craig Monroe, who has turned himself into an excellent fielding, 20-homer guy while flying under the radar the past two seasons.
JACKSON
Apologies here to a boatload of All-Stars: two-sport Bo, former Cy Young candidate Danny, reliever Grant, 194-game-winner Larry, even pre-Santo Cubs 3B Larry. While all these guys are nice candidates, there are two incumbents -- current Hall of Famers -- standing by. If we end up needing a shortstop, we can go to borderline inductee Travis Jackson, but clearly the very best candidate is --remember the Jefferson comment above? -- the straw who stirs the drink, a man who might well actually run for president someday, Reggie Jackson.
VAN BUREN
That's right, there's never been a Roosevelt who made it to the big leagues, but sho'nuff there's a Van Buren ... Edward "Deacon" Van Buren, who played in 14 games in 1904, splitting time between the Brooklyn Superbas (one at-bat) and the Philadelphia Phillies (43 AB), hitting .250 and stealing four bases in four attempts.
HARRISON
We get two from this undistinguished crop of seven Harrisons to make the bigs, thanks to the equally undistinguished presence of both Benjamin and William Henry on the presidentail roll call. There's even a "Ben" Harrison who got two at-bats for (naturally) the Senators in 1901, but his real name was Leo, of all things. The best of the rest is RHRP Roric Harrison, who was 30-35 mostly with Orioles and Braves in the early 1970s. The second-best -- and we're really bottom of the pork barrell scraping here -- is Chuck Harrison, a 1B who hit .238 in 328 games from 1965-71 with Astros, and then the expansion Royals. All the other MLB Harrisons had cups of coffee; come to think of it, maybe to honor William Henry's 31 days as president, the shortest term ever by a wide margin, maybe we should go with RHRP Tom Harrison, who pitched one inning for 1965 kansas City A's and left the game with a career ERA of 9.00.
TYLER
There are eight "Tylers" in MLB annals, but five of those are first names -- including the only All-Star, former Phillie "he was an All-Star?" Tyler Green. The other three Tylers all played for the Boston Braves, oddly enough -- including two who were teammates on the 1914 Miracle Braves Fred Tyler, who caught 19 games for the '14 champs, and George "Lefty" Tyler, who as you might guess was a LHSP, and a pretty good one who was 127-116 over 12 years, including 16-13 for the '14 Braves. Johnnie Tyler didn't come to Beantown until 1934-1935, when he played 19 games in the OF for the Braves, compiling a career average of (get this) .321. As nice as that is, if space permit, Lefty probably getst the Tyler space on our roster.
TAYLOR
Of the 47 Taylors to play big league ball (not including the four with Taylor as a first name), there actually was one named Zachary Taylor, but his presidential name earned him just 48 at-bats in 13 games with 1874 Baltimore Canaries; Zack Taylor, was a semi-regular catcher for several NL teams over 16 years ending in 1935, but his real name was "James Wren Taylor." The best of the many other Taylor-made candidates is former All-Star 2B Tony Taylor, who actually played every position except pitcher and catcher in his 19-year career, mostly with the Phillies. His versatility will probably land him somewhere on this team.
PIERCE
There have been eight Pierces to put on the uniform, but clearly the best is All-Star LHSP Billy Pierce, a Detroit native who joined the Tigers as a teenager near the end of WWII, then went on to post a 211-169 career mark, mostly with the White Sox, before ending up with the Giants in the mid-'60's. He won 20 games in a single season twice, while reaching double digits in wins 11 times overall.
BUCHANAN
Two of the three Buchanans eligible were pitchers named Bob and Jim who sported career ERA+'s of 39 and 73 (not so) respectively. That leaves us with OF Brian "Buck" Buchanan, the former NYY farmhand who was part of Guzman-Milton-Knoblauch trade in 1998 and who has had some nice moments with the Twins and Padres; he is now with the Mets.
LINCOLN
There have been just two Lincolns -- Ezra, a LHSP who was 3-14 for the 1890 Syracuse Stars and Cleveland Spiders and current St. Louis RHRP Mike Lincoln, who has cobbled together a 13-24 mark with the Twins, Pirates and Cards. "The Killer Inside" concludes that Mike is "Better Than Ezra."
JOHNSON
Apologies to former All-Stars Alex, Billy, Bob, Charles, Davey, Don, Howard, Lance and even HOF 3B Judy Johnson and the other 89 Johnsons out there; we'll go with Walter and Randy.
GRANT
Ten of the 20 MLB Grants take it as a first name; the best of the presidential namesake lot is clearly All-Star RHSP Jim "Mudcat" Grant, the first African-American to post a 20-win season in the A.L., when he was 21-7 for the 1965 AL Champion Twins, then beat the Dodgers twice in the World Series.
HAYES
Nine men named Hayes ... there's a "Number nine ... number nine ... Purple Hayes" joke in here somewhere, but I don't want to work that hard. One is former Philadelphia A's All-Star backstop Frankie hayes, who slammed 119 career homers; former 3B Charlie Hayes belted 144 dingers, but never made an All-Star team. The best emerging from the, uh, haze, is former Indians uber-prospect Von Hayes, who played 1B/3B/OF and made a couple of All-Star teams with the Phillies, but who is best remembered as being the "one" in the five-for-one deal where the Indians turned him into Manny Trillo, George Vukovich, Jay Baller, Julio Franco, and Jerry Willard.
GARFIELD
Our choices are limited to one: RHSP Bill Garfield, who was 1-9 with the 1889 Pittsburgh Alleghenys and 1890 Cleveland Spiders. Given the pitching depth we've already added, this guy seems destined for the AAA ("All-Vice-Presidents"?) squad.
CLEVELAND
Again sincerest apologies to Grover Cleveland Alexander; Ol'Pete's 373 career wins and three 30-win seasons would have made him an awfully nice third starter on this team. But rules are rules, so -- even with the potential of two Cleveland administrations equalling two roster spots, to we're pretty much limited on the one hand to Elmer Cleveland, a career.255-hitting 3B who started with 1884 Cincinnati Outaw Reds, then spent time with the 1888 New York Giants and Pittsburgh Alleghenys, and finally returned to Ohio (his name being Cleveland and all) to finish up with the 1891 Columbus Solons. So Cleveland played for Cincinnati and Columbus. Nice. On the other hand, we have RHSP/RP Reggie Cleveland, who made 203 starts and 225 relief appearances for the Red Sox, Cardinals, Brewers and Rangers, posting a career mark of 105-106. In one nine-year span, Reggie (the third Reggie on this team!) finished eight seasons with between 11 and 14 wins and between eight and 15 losses. He even spent one year as the Texas closer, notching 12 saves -- which just might make him this team's closer, too. It's true what they say, apparently -- with presidential politics, there's no relief in sight.
WILSON
Okay, with an eye to the roster now; we'll have to decide later if HOFer Hack Wilson will DH for this team -- but that only happens if we find another CF and can pass on an All-Star like speedster Willie Wilson or perhaps even 30/30 threat Preston Wilson. Apologies to All-Stars Dan, Don, Glenn, Jack, Jim, Jimmie and Preston's Uncle Mookie -- especially to Don, who just might have built a Hall of Fame resume if not for his untimely death at the age of 29, already with 104 wins for the awful Houston Astros teams of the times.
HARDING
Just two Hardings ... catcher Lou Harding backstopped one game for the 1886 St. Louis Browns, with a double in three at-bats for a career OPS of 1.000. RHRP Charlie "Slim" Harding gave up one run in twoinnings for the 1913 Detroit Tigers. It is not confirmed if this little-known battery ever worked together in a minor league game played at a stadium called Teapot Dome.
HOOVER
There have been six baseball-playing Hoovers, including SS/OF Buster Hoover, who played parts of four seasons with the 1888 Philadelphia Keystones, the 1884 Phillies, 1886 Orioles, then finally leaving the Chesepeake Bay region, for the 1892 Cincinnati Reds. The.288 career hitter showed no power, with just one homer in 525 career at-bats. Backup catcher Paul Hoover hit just .190 in a recent audition with the Devil Rays, while WWII shortstop Joe Hooever hit .243 in parts of three seasons for the Tigers. No other Hoovers played more than part of one season.
KENNEDY
There is a Joe, a John, and a Ted among the 21 Kennedys eligible for this team -- but no Robert or Bobby. While current Angels 2B Adam Kennedy is putting together a nice career, Rox righty Joe Kennedy may have an All-Star appearance in his future, and former All-Star RHSP Vern Kennedy (104-132 in his career; 67-62 in the '30s and 37-60 in the '40s) had some good moments, the best of the Kennedys (sounds like an A&E special), nosing out his more versatile but less gifted with the bat father Bob, is former Cardinal and Padre catcher Terry Kennedy, who will be a fine backup for this presidential team? Backup? Sure, we haven't reached the late 1970's yet.
NIXON
Of the six Nixons to make a MLB team, the best are outfielders Trot Nixon and Otis Nixon,who may be that CF we're looking for, while Russ Nixon was a serviceable catcher and also also managed the Reds and Braves to a .400 recordand five sixth-place finishes in five years.
FORD
Sixteen Fords, but only one real Cadillac among them -- the Chairman of the Board himself, the greatest Yankee pitcher ever, the 236-106 LHSP Whitey Ford, who you know, might not even make this team's rotation.
CARTER
Apologies to a Toronto legend in "Touch 'em All Joe" Carter, but do you think this team could use a Hall of Fame catcher? Nothing against Terry Kennedy ... I knew Terry Kennedy, Terry Kennedy was a friend of mine ... but Terry Kennedy was no Gary Carter.
REAGAN
RHRP Arthur "Rip" Reagan was 0-2 in three games for '03 Reds as the only Gipper candidate.
CLINTON
The Clintons are almost as underrepresented as the Reagans, as the only candidate is Lou Clinton, an OF who hit .247 in 2153 AB with the Red Sox and five other AL teams from 1960-1967.
BUSH
Young RHSP David Bush looks like he might have a nice career with the Jays, and ex-Jay Homer Bush certainly has a baseball name; but the two Bush roster spots go to an entirely different pitcher and middle infielder, in former good-field, not-much-hit Tiger shortstop Donie Bush and RHSP Guy Bush, who was 176-136 in 17 seasons with the Cubs, Red Sox and Boston Braves; he just edges out RHSP "Bullet" Joe Bush,who was 195-183, also in 17 seasons, mostly with the Philadelphia A's and Boston Red Sox.
Now, can we build a respectable All-U.S.-Presidents 25-man roster from that list of options? You bet ... the choices are mostly self-explanatory, though the incredibly rich pitching talent will probably cause some disagreement about who should be in the rotation instead of migrating to the bullpen. As for the lineup, the only real question came down to whether or not it was preferably to have Hack Wilson at DH and Otis Nixon in CF, or play Willie Wilson in CF and Reggie Jefferson at DH. We went with the former option, in deference to the Hall of Famer and all-time single-season RBI leader. Also, Jefferson is probably the best option at 1B, so problem solved.
LINEUP
LF Claudell WASHINGTON
3B Von HAYES
C Gary CARTER
RF Reggie JACKSON
DH Hack WILSON
1B Reggie JEFFERSON
2B Tony TAYLOR
SS Donie BUSH
CF Otis NIXON
BENCH
OF Craig MONROE
OF Brian BUCHANAN
IF Travis JACKSON
IF/OF Buster HOOVER
C Terry KENNEDY
ROTATION
RHSP Walter JOHNSON
LHSP Randy JOHNSON
RHSP Mudcat GRANT
LHSP Whitey FORD
LHSP Billy PIERCE
BULLPEN
CL Reggie CLEVELAND
LHRP Mike LINCOLN
RHRP Roric HARRISON
LHRP Lefty TYLER
RHRP Guy BUSH
RHRP Babe ADAMS
Sent out to the AAA (Tris) Speakers of the House:
1B Chuck HARRISON
C Lou HARDING
C Frankie HAYES
IF Art MADISON
IF Elmer CLEVELAND
OF Deacon VAN BUREN
OF Lou CLINTON
RHRP Bill GARFIELD
RHSP Ace ADAMS
RHRP Rip REAGAN
We're not gonna make it
'Cuz we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time"
- "We're Not Going to Make It
by The Presidents of the United States of America
Okay, unless you've been -- well, let's not say "in a cave somewhere," even that has political undertones these days -- unaware, tomorrow the United States will begin the pre-recount, pre-lawsuit process of electing a new president. (Either way, presuming the popular vote matches the electoral result, it will be the first time elected for the victor.) And that brings us to the inevitable "Baseball Hall of Names" All-Presidential-Names team.
From (Claudell) Washington to (Guy) Bush, it's an interesting challenge; and if you ever wondered why U.S. presidents throw out the first pitch on Opening Day, keep an eye on the pitching staff that develops throughout this process. As for defense policy and (offensive) production jobs, this team might fall a little short. But there will be plenty of campaign promises of success in those areas.
THE RULES: We will begin by selecting a list of the best player in MLB history associated with the name of each president, then will attempt to build a roster from that list; this is similar to the approach we took with the All-Irish team announced on St. Patrick's Day 2003 (in which, ironically, we took a swipe at then-new-presidential darkhorse John Kerry).
Of course, the "one player per presidential name" rule opens the door for two Bushes, Johnsons, Roosevelts Harrisons, and even -- according to the official "numbering" system of U.S. presidents, two Clevelands. That's good news for this team -- not the Cleveland part -- since it means we can welcome arguably the greatest RHSP of all time AND arguably the greatest LHSP of all time to this team, in Walter and Randy Johnson(s). Told you we'd have a pretty nice pitching staff when we were done, and we're just getting started.
Additional rules: No first names ... sorry, Roosevelt Brown (the only "Roosevelt" ever to play MLB, actually) and Grant Balfour, with special regrets to the greatness of Hall of Famer Grover Cleveland Alexander. Also ... no alternate spellings -- if the challenger wins tomorrow, that's means still no spot on this team for Kerry Wood or for Andy Carey. Nobody with the surname "Kerry" has ever reached the majors, so no matter who wins tomorrow, we are dealing with a finite roster from George W(ashington) to George W. (Bush).
Would you believe that eleven U.S. presidents have had a surname never shared by a single big league ballplayer in the history of the sport? And though it hasn't happened sice the 1950's, the following non-comps were somehow elected into office: Eisenhower, Truman, Coolidge, both Roosevelts, Taft, McKinley, Arthur (sorry, Mr. Rhodes), Fillmore and Polk. Meanwhile, as mentioned above, there were two presidencies each represented by the names Bush, Roosevelt (um, given the above, that won't really help us, will it?), Harrison and, according to the way presidents are counted, Cleveland -- one man, two administrations.
So here, in order of appearance as president, are the very best major league ballplayers with last names fit for a commander-in-chief.
WASHINGTON
There have been seven Washingtons in MLB history, if you count designated pinch-runner Herb (and what do politicians do best? They run!) -- but just one of those seven ever achieved All-Star status. Claudell Washington had nearly 1,900 hits, spread across 17 seasons for seven teams. Perhaps the most notable thing about his career is that he was traded for the dads of two future Hall of Famers -- Ken Griffey Sr. and Bobby Bonds. Either way, this .278 career hitter slammed 169 homers and stole 312 bases and will be a very nice addition to this team. Appropriately, given his surname, he may even end up hitting leadoff.
We get to choose two players here, thanks to the presence of John and John Quincy on the presidential roster, the 18th and 19th-century precursors to George and George W. The only All-Star in the list of 30 candidates is RHSP Ace Adams (yep, that's his real name), who was 41-33 for the 1941-46 New York Giants and made a WWII All-Star squad. The best Adams, historically -- no, it's not Terry - - was Charles "Babe" Adams, another RHSP who cranked up a career mark of 194-139 in 18 seasons with Pirates after one game (and one loss) with 1906 Cardinals. He had two 20-win seasons and nine more in which he reached double figures in victories.
JEFFERSON
There have been three Jeffersons in MLB history, including an Original Jay ... Jesse Jefferson was just 39-81 in his nine-year career with five teams (22-46 with Toronto). And outfielder Stan Jefferson was briefly a highly-touted Met phenom who played 296 relatively innocuous games for the Mets, Padres, Orioles, Yankees and Indians. The clear leader in the Jefferson election is DH/1B/OF Reggie Jefferson,who retired after the 1999 season with a .300 career batting average mostly with Boston and Cleveland. We will see that, presidentially speaking, he is not the best Reggie in this clubhouse.
MADISON
Of the three Madisons to scuttle their way into MLB annals, the best, believe it or not, was probably 2B/SS/3B Art Madison, who hit .289 in 53 total games for 1895 Phillies and the 1899 Pirates. If we ever do an All-First-Lady team, remind me that Dolly Gray was a 20-game winner back in the '20s.
MONROE
Eight people named "Monroe" have made MLB rosters, but by our own rule, Monroe Mitchell is ineligible. That's all right, the best of the lot is current Detroit OF Craig Monroe, who has turned himself into an excellent fielding, 20-homer guy while flying under the radar the past two seasons.
JACKSON
Apologies here to a boatload of All-Stars: two-sport Bo, former Cy Young candidate Danny, reliever Grant, 194-game-winner Larry, even pre-Santo Cubs 3B Larry. While all these guys are nice candidates, there are two incumbents -- current Hall of Famers -- standing by. If we end up needing a shortstop, we can go to borderline inductee Travis Jackson, but clearly the very best candidate is --remember the Jefferson comment above? -- the straw who stirs the drink, a man who might well actually run for president someday, Reggie Jackson.
VAN BUREN
That's right, there's never been a Roosevelt who made it to the big leagues, but sho'nuff there's a Van Buren ... Edward "Deacon" Van Buren, who played in 14 games in 1904, splitting time between the Brooklyn Superbas (one at-bat) and the Philadelphia Phillies (43 AB), hitting .250 and stealing four bases in four attempts.
HARRISON
We get two from this undistinguished crop of seven Harrisons to make the bigs, thanks to the equally undistinguished presence of both Benjamin and William Henry on the presidentail roll call. There's even a "Ben" Harrison who got two at-bats for (naturally) the Senators in 1901, but his real name was Leo, of all things. The best of the rest is RHRP Roric Harrison, who was 30-35 mostly with Orioles and Braves in the early 1970s. The second-best -- and we're really bottom of the pork barrell scraping here -- is Chuck Harrison, a 1B who hit .238 in 328 games from 1965-71 with Astros, and then the expansion Royals. All the other MLB Harrisons had cups of coffee; come to think of it, maybe to honor William Henry's 31 days as president, the shortest term ever by a wide margin, maybe we should go with RHRP Tom Harrison, who pitched one inning for 1965 kansas City A's and left the game with a career ERA of 9.00.
TYLER
There are eight "Tylers" in MLB annals, but five of those are first names -- including the only All-Star, former Phillie "he was an All-Star?" Tyler Green. The other three Tylers all played for the Boston Braves, oddly enough -- including two who were teammates on the 1914 Miracle Braves Fred Tyler, who caught 19 games for the '14 champs, and George "Lefty" Tyler, who as you might guess was a LHSP, and a pretty good one who was 127-116 over 12 years, including 16-13 for the '14 Braves. Johnnie Tyler didn't come to Beantown until 1934-1935, when he played 19 games in the OF for the Braves, compiling a career average of (get this) .321. As nice as that is, if space permit, Lefty probably getst the Tyler space on our roster.
TAYLOR
Of the 47 Taylors to play big league ball (not including the four with Taylor as a first name), there actually was one named Zachary Taylor, but his presidential name earned him just 48 at-bats in 13 games with 1874 Baltimore Canaries; Zack Taylor, was a semi-regular catcher for several NL teams over 16 years ending in 1935, but his real name was "James Wren Taylor." The best of the many other Taylor-made candidates is former All-Star 2B Tony Taylor, who actually played every position except pitcher and catcher in his 19-year career, mostly with the Phillies. His versatility will probably land him somewhere on this team.
PIERCE
There have been eight Pierces to put on the uniform, but clearly the best is All-Star LHSP Billy Pierce, a Detroit native who joined the Tigers as a teenager near the end of WWII, then went on to post a 211-169 career mark, mostly with the White Sox, before ending up with the Giants in the mid-'60's. He won 20 games in a single season twice, while reaching double digits in wins 11 times overall.
BUCHANAN
Two of the three Buchanans eligible were pitchers named Bob and Jim who sported career ERA+'s of 39 and 73 (not so) respectively. That leaves us with OF Brian "Buck" Buchanan, the former NYY farmhand who was part of Guzman-Milton-Knoblauch trade in 1998 and who has had some nice moments with the Twins and Padres; he is now with the Mets.
LINCOLN
There have been just two Lincolns -- Ezra, a LHSP who was 3-14 for the 1890 Syracuse Stars and Cleveland Spiders and current St. Louis RHRP Mike Lincoln, who has cobbled together a 13-24 mark with the Twins, Pirates and Cards. "The Killer Inside" concludes that Mike is "Better Than Ezra."
JOHNSON
Apologies to former All-Stars Alex, Billy, Bob, Charles, Davey, Don, Howard, Lance and even HOF 3B Judy Johnson and the other 89 Johnsons out there; we'll go with Walter and Randy.
GRANT
Ten of the 20 MLB Grants take it as a first name; the best of the presidential namesake lot is clearly All-Star RHSP Jim "Mudcat" Grant, the first African-American to post a 20-win season in the A.L., when he was 21-7 for the 1965 AL Champion Twins, then beat the Dodgers twice in the World Series.
HAYES
Nine men named Hayes ... there's a "Number nine ... number nine ... Purple Hayes" joke in here somewhere, but I don't want to work that hard. One is former Philadelphia A's All-Star backstop Frankie hayes, who slammed 119 career homers; former 3B Charlie Hayes belted 144 dingers, but never made an All-Star team. The best emerging from the, uh, haze, is former Indians uber-prospect Von Hayes, who played 1B/3B/OF and made a couple of All-Star teams with the Phillies, but who is best remembered as being the "one" in the five-for-one deal where the Indians turned him into Manny Trillo, George Vukovich, Jay Baller, Julio Franco, and Jerry Willard.
GARFIELD
Our choices are limited to one: RHSP Bill Garfield, who was 1-9 with the 1889 Pittsburgh Alleghenys and 1890 Cleveland Spiders. Given the pitching depth we've already added, this guy seems destined for the AAA ("All-Vice-Presidents"?) squad.
CLEVELAND
Again sincerest apologies to Grover Cleveland Alexander; Ol'Pete's 373 career wins and three 30-win seasons would have made him an awfully nice third starter on this team. But rules are rules, so -- even with the potential of two Cleveland administrations equalling two roster spots, to we're pretty much limited on the one hand to Elmer Cleveland, a career.255-hitting 3B who started with 1884 Cincinnati Outaw Reds, then spent time with the 1888 New York Giants and Pittsburgh Alleghenys, and finally returned to Ohio (his name being Cleveland and all) to finish up with the 1891 Columbus Solons. So Cleveland played for Cincinnati and Columbus. Nice. On the other hand, we have RHSP/RP Reggie Cleveland, who made 203 starts and 225 relief appearances for the Red Sox, Cardinals, Brewers and Rangers, posting a career mark of 105-106. In one nine-year span, Reggie (the third Reggie on this team!) finished eight seasons with between 11 and 14 wins and between eight and 15 losses. He even spent one year as the Texas closer, notching 12 saves -- which just might make him this team's closer, too. It's true what they say, apparently -- with presidential politics, there's no relief in sight.
WILSON
Okay, with an eye to the roster now; we'll have to decide later if HOFer Hack Wilson will DH for this team -- but that only happens if we find another CF and can pass on an All-Star like speedster Willie Wilson or perhaps even 30/30 threat Preston Wilson. Apologies to All-Stars Dan, Don, Glenn, Jack, Jim, Jimmie and Preston's Uncle Mookie -- especially to Don, who just might have built a Hall of Fame resume if not for his untimely death at the age of 29, already with 104 wins for the awful Houston Astros teams of the times.
HARDING
Just two Hardings ... catcher Lou Harding backstopped one game for the 1886 St. Louis Browns, with a double in three at-bats for a career OPS of 1.000. RHRP Charlie "Slim" Harding gave up one run in twoinnings for the 1913 Detroit Tigers. It is not confirmed if this little-known battery ever worked together in a minor league game played at a stadium called Teapot Dome.
HOOVER
There have been six baseball-playing Hoovers, including SS/OF Buster Hoover, who played parts of four seasons with the 1888 Philadelphia Keystones, the 1884 Phillies, 1886 Orioles, then finally leaving the Chesepeake Bay region, for the 1892 Cincinnati Reds. The.288 career hitter showed no power, with just one homer in 525 career at-bats. Backup catcher Paul Hoover hit just .190 in a recent audition with the Devil Rays, while WWII shortstop Joe Hooever hit .243 in parts of three seasons for the Tigers. No other Hoovers played more than part of one season.
KENNEDY
There is a Joe, a John, and a Ted among the 21 Kennedys eligible for this team -- but no Robert or Bobby. While current Angels 2B Adam Kennedy is putting together a nice career, Rox righty Joe Kennedy may have an All-Star appearance in his future, and former All-Star RHSP Vern Kennedy (104-132 in his career; 67-62 in the '30s and 37-60 in the '40s) had some good moments, the best of the Kennedys (sounds like an A&E special), nosing out his more versatile but less gifted with the bat father Bob, is former Cardinal and Padre catcher Terry Kennedy, who will be a fine backup for this presidential team? Backup? Sure, we haven't reached the late 1970's yet.
NIXON
Of the six Nixons to make a MLB team, the best are outfielders Trot Nixon and Otis Nixon,who may be that CF we're looking for, while Russ Nixon was a serviceable catcher and also also managed the Reds and Braves to a .400 recordand five sixth-place finishes in five years.
FORD
Sixteen Fords, but only one real Cadillac among them -- the Chairman of the Board himself, the greatest Yankee pitcher ever, the 236-106 LHSP Whitey Ford, who you know, might not even make this team's rotation.
CARTER
Apologies to a Toronto legend in "Touch 'em All Joe" Carter, but do you think this team could use a Hall of Fame catcher? Nothing against Terry Kennedy ... I knew Terry Kennedy, Terry Kennedy was a friend of mine ... but Terry Kennedy was no Gary Carter.
REAGAN
RHRP Arthur "Rip" Reagan was 0-2 in three games for '03 Reds as the only Gipper candidate.
CLINTON
The Clintons are almost as underrepresented as the Reagans, as the only candidate is Lou Clinton, an OF who hit .247 in 2153 AB with the Red Sox and five other AL teams from 1960-1967.
BUSH
Young RHSP David Bush looks like he might have a nice career with the Jays, and ex-Jay Homer Bush certainly has a baseball name; but the two Bush roster spots go to an entirely different pitcher and middle infielder, in former good-field, not-much-hit Tiger shortstop Donie Bush and RHSP Guy Bush, who was 176-136 in 17 seasons with the Cubs, Red Sox and Boston Braves; he just edges out RHSP "Bullet" Joe Bush,who was 195-183, also in 17 seasons, mostly with the Philadelphia A's and Boston Red Sox.
Now, can we build a respectable All-U.S.-Presidents 25-man roster from that list of options? You bet ... the choices are mostly self-explanatory, though the incredibly rich pitching talent will probably cause some disagreement about who should be in the rotation instead of migrating to the bullpen. As for the lineup, the only real question came down to whether or not it was preferably to have Hack Wilson at DH and Otis Nixon in CF, or play Willie Wilson in CF and Reggie Jefferson at DH. We went with the former option, in deference to the Hall of Famer and all-time single-season RBI leader. Also, Jefferson is probably the best option at 1B, so problem solved.
LINEUP
LF Claudell WASHINGTON
3B Von HAYES
C Gary CARTER
RF Reggie JACKSON
DH Hack WILSON
1B Reggie JEFFERSON
2B Tony TAYLOR
SS Donie BUSH
CF Otis NIXON
BENCH
OF Craig MONROE
OF Brian BUCHANAN
IF Travis JACKSON
IF/OF Buster HOOVER
C Terry KENNEDY
ROTATION
RHSP Walter JOHNSON
LHSP Randy JOHNSON
RHSP Mudcat GRANT
LHSP Whitey FORD
LHSP Billy PIERCE
BULLPEN
CL Reggie CLEVELAND
LHRP Mike LINCOLN
RHRP Roric HARRISON
LHRP Lefty TYLER
RHRP Guy BUSH
RHRP Babe ADAMS
Sent out to the AAA (Tris) Speakers of the House:
1B Chuck HARRISON
C Lou HARDING
C Frankie HAYES
IF Art MADISON
IF Elmer CLEVELAND
OF Deacon VAN BUREN
OF Lou CLINTON
RHRP Bill GARFIELD
RHSP Ace ADAMS
RHRP Rip REAGAN
